I have a papa (a man in his 70s) I’ve been seeing under a one-year arrangement.
The arrangement is up for renewal again in September, and I’m torn about what to do. He says he wants to continue because he loves me so much.
However, lately I find myself getting irritated every time we meet, and my attitude has become unpleasant.
I can think of several reasons, so I’d like to list them.
・For various reasons, he can’t get an erection during sex and apparently doesn’t feel any sexual pleasure either. Naturally, he doesn’t have a refractory period, so even when I think things are over, he keeps touching me.
・He handles my nipples roughly, rubbing them quickly with his palm, and he’s not good at sucking them either, so they end up scabbing over the next day. (For now, I’ve asked him not to touch my nipples and only lick around them.)
・He seems to want to go down on me, but I don’t like that even with a romantic partner, so I refuse. However, he repeatedly forces his non-erect penis inside me, then quickly goes down on me after he’s finished moving, which makes me angry and ends things.
・Even though I’ve told him I don’t like overly slobbery kisses, he still does it occasionally. (He’s gotten better than he used to be.)
Even though I’ve told him to stop doing things I don’t like, he says, “I want to do it because I want to feel that you belong to me.” Even when I tell him, “If it were me, I wouldn’t do something the person I love dislikes,” he says the same thing…
Today, since my job interview is coming up, he said he had thought of questions I might be asked and wanted to practice for just 30 minutes. I refused several times, and I was already in a bad mood, but he started the interview on his own anyway. I reached my limit and ended up sitting there in silence…
I’ve gone on and on listing my complaints, but I feel like there’s no way to deal with this anymore. Should I just end things? I’ve tried telling him how I feel and doing everything I could to improve the situation so we could get along until September, but it hasn’t worked… I’d really appreciate any kind of response, even if it’s just empathy.
I’m Aya, a female member.
That’s way too awful… It makes me feel sick. I can tell you really don’t want to be around him.
If you absolutely need the money, I suppose you may feel you have no choice. But if it were me, I’d end things, because some things matter more than money.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I don’t even know what to say—I really feel for you…
You must be much younger than me, yet you’ve managed to stay in that kind of relationship for so long. That must have been incredibly difficult.
Even if it’s part of the terms of the arrangement, you shouldn’t have to put up with that much.
A papa (a male supporter) who genuinely thinks, “What can I do to make her happy?” wouldn’t treat you that way.
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I’m in Seattle.
If you hang in there a little longer, maybe he’ll inherit a huge fortune? When that happens, why not try pressuring him to marry you?
And then get your hands on some meth...
Just kidding.
It depends on the amount. Before cutting him off, take a look at some listings for low-paying part-time jobs.
It might be better to rejoin Universe Club and find a backup papa first.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
I know we’d probably be better off ending things, but the fact that we’re still carrying on might mean we’re both pretty hopeless.
Normally, we’d each be seeing someone with a slightly better arrangement.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
> Starting in September, my contract will be renewed again, and I’m wondering what to do about it.
Since it sounds like you have some kind of contract in place, I think you should ask to revise its terms.
You could even use *Fifty Shades of Grey* as a reference for how to structure it (although apologies if it isn’t much help):
https://www.justwatch.com/jp/%E6%98%A0%E7%94%BB/fifty-shades-of-grey
For example, you could ask them to add the following terms this time:
- No licking nipples
- No oral sex
- No overly wet or intense kissing
- No other activities that you dislike and want them to stop
If they won’t agree to include those terms, the contract ends that day and you won’t see each other again.
I think it would be good to propose it that way.
You could also make it clear that if they violate the agreement, you will never see each other again.
P.S. An affair agreement isn’t legally enforceable, but that only means the courts and other authorities won’t protect it under the law if a dispute arises. Between the two people involved, I think it still exists as an agreement—after all, both parties are sincerely honoring it.
And in this case, the agreement would state that you will no longer continue seeing each other if either party violates it. So even if one of you claims the agreement is invalid, the result is ultimately the same, since you won’t be seeing each other anymore.
P.S. 2 You’re right—it is a promise. Since it seems to be structured as a contract, though, I thought it might be better to keep calling it a contract.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I’m a serious person, so I believe that if you make an agreement, you should honor it. And honestly, I don’t think that papa is particularly awful. There are quite a few people like that in his age group.
In my case, I know there will definitely be times when I grow tired of the other person, so I actually dislike even deciding on the nature of the relationship or how often we’ll meet. Once I make an agreement, though, I’m serious by nature, so I’d feel obligated to keep it even if I didn’t want to.
That said, I think women are allowed to break these kinds of agreements, so go ahead and break it, lol.
If you received a year’s worth of allowance upfront, I think you should at least return the unused portion on a monthly prorated basis. And from now on, whenever you enter into an agreement, make sure to confirm all the important details without leaving anything out.
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