Here’s an update on the young woman I wrote about here:
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/4393
We’re still going on overnight dates about once a week.
I advised her, “A bubble is going to come after COVID, so you should buy some stocks now.” She took my advice at face value, opened a NISA account, and made a little money. So I said, “You’re putting the allowance I give you into a separate account and saving it, right? You should’ve invested all of that in stocks too.” She replied, “That isn’t my money.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was planning to give it all back to you someday.”
I was speechless. As I wrote in post 4393, I had been thinking that when she turned 30, I would offer her 10 million yen and ask whether she wanted to part ways. But now I can’t bring myself to say it.
If I’m the one who ends our relationship, she might return every bit of the allowance I’ve given her. She knows my address, so she could simply send it by courier. Then I wouldn’t even be allowed to give her a parting payment—I’d just be an old pervert who toyed with a young woman. For a basically kindhearted man like me, that would be the most painful outcome.
The only way I can avoid making myself the bad guy is apparently to continue seeing her until she’s the one who leaves me.
Meg and others: for women who want to hold on to their relationship with a man rather than his money, this might be one strategy.
Now, my question: What will happen to my relationship with this young woman from here on? I’m starting to lose confidence in my own predictions. The future is the one thing you can never really see clearly about yourself...
I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane.
Whether it’s the once-a-week pace or the fact that money is involved, this doesn’t seem to be an especially intimate relationship—certainly not one where you’re together almost every day. You both maintain a healthy distance, and I see no real reason for it to end.
I think this is a happy, mutually beneficial relationship that can continue.
This current distance probably feels comfortable for both of you, especially for her.
If the relationship were to deepen in some way—such as working together—there could be a risk of putting a strain on it. But since she doesn’t seem likely to do anything outside Mac’s expectations, such as getting involved in work or investments, I imagine you’ll continue giving each other a well-balanced amount of stimulation.
Ultimately, it may come down to how she chooses to act when a major turning point in her life arrives…
For men on our side, once we reach a certain age, there’s no need to cut ties completely. And at an age when being dumped would be embarrassing, we shouldn’t become the kind of men who get dumped.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here—I’ll answer as well.
Thanks for the update.
> For a woman who wants to keep a relationship with a man from ending, it might be one possible strategy.
Hmm.
First of all, there are very few men who would even want to pay a breakup settlement (though perhaps I just haven’t heard of any), and I don’t know anyone who would set the amount at ten million yen.
Usually, I think people simply part ways without anything changing hands.
So I don’t think that strategy would be very useful.
> Her response was, “That money doesn’t belong to me.”
In other words, in her mind, Mr. Mac is her boyfriend. But since Mr. Mac doesn’t see it that way, she considers the money something she’s merely holding and will eventually return.
So she has apparently settled the matter in her own mind.
(I assume she means that she has no intention of causing him any trouble.)
Previously, many women expressed the opinion that one should choose one’s first intimate partner carefully. In her case, she chose carefully, and the result was that he turned out to be a good person.
That must be why she’s now in a situation where her boyfriend, Mr. Mac, comes to stay with her every week.
In other words, although they aren’t legally married, perhaps it’s like he now has two wives.
Another possibility is that she may have wanted a child even if the father remained single—and then, as soon as she became pregnant, she suddenly disappeared…
(Maybe so she could raise the child on her own?)
I suppose that kind of story is possible too.
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Good girls are often in it for the long haul—relationships can last several years, at least here in Seattle.
You’re 29 now, right? How about having a child? Become the biological father, make sure she doesn’t end up sending you money, and build a relationship where you can send it back if she does.
For someone like Mac, taking care of them for life would be easy. I’m sure you’d find the child adorable, too. I hope you’ll stay active and keep writing columns until the child reaches adulthood.
There are countries where you can have up to four wives, and I’m thinking I’ll take care of about four people myself for the rest of my life.
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