I’m the woman who asked about an ex-papa getting in touch after two years—I’d like to decline an adult relationship.
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https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/5876
Taking everyone’s advice into consideration, I turned him down by saying, “I have a boyfriend, so would dinner only (no intimacy) be okay?”
He replied:
“I’ll pay for the entire meal, so would it be okay if there’s no allowance or anything else?”
I would like to receive 10,000 yen, but I’m torn because I don’t want to offend him.
I’m sorry to ask again, but how do you think I should reply…? He’s a good person, so I don’t want to reject him outright… I’m at a loss.
I’m a BB7 male member.
If you have no intention of meeting for free, meeting up will only be boring for both of you.
Just say, “Please give me 10,000 yen,” and part ways.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
If he were truly a good person, you wouldn’t have been out of touch for two years.
The honest answer is that he doesn’t want to meet if it’s dinner only (no intimacy).
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> “I’ll pay for all the meals, so would it be okay if I don’t give you any allowance or anything?”
Of course（笑）
If you don’t like it, you can simply decline.
As long as you can spend time together without forcing anything, isn’t that what matters?（笑）
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I laughed after reading this, but then suddenly turned serious because I realized it felt uncomfortably familiar.
The papa wants to have dinner without paying an allowance.
Meanwhile, the questioner wants dinner on the understanding that there will be an allowance.
They’re completely at odds, and it doesn’t seem like that gap will be bridged.
It’s strangely sad.
Even when both are “good people,” there’s apparently a huge river between “a good person who doesn’t need an allowance” and “a good person who requires an allowance.”
When I think about it that way, I can kind of understand it. But someone who is a “good person as long as there’s an allowance” is, in the end, probably forcing themselves to maintain the relationship to some extent. The power of money—or rather, the allowance that makes you forget that—is remarkable.
It may not be so much about not wanting to hurt the other person, but rather about one’s own issues: wanting to put on a good face and not be disliked by anyone. That feels like the deeper psychology here. However, thinking that way is very likely to cause trouble eventually.
Work up the courage to say, “I need an allowance.” Especially if the other person is a “good person,” try saying it as practice.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I came up with a possible message:
“Sorry, but I have a boyfriend, so I feel uncomfortable having dinner alone with another man—it would feel like cheating. If we could meet as part of my dinner-only (no intimacy) dating-club activities, with me accepting only transportation expenses, I’d feel like I was maintaining proper boundaries in my relationship and would be happy to meet. Would that be difficult?”
Please overlook how much it sounds like it was written by a woman pretending to be one. The key points are:
- Frame the 10,000 yen not as wanting money, but as maintaining proper boundaries with her boyfriend.
- Convey that she does want to meet, as long as that boundary is respected.
- Make it feel like a win-win by saying, “I’d be happy to meet under these terms,” encouraging him to agree.
- (And deliberately include “happy to meet” to appeal to the guy’s dirty mind.)
Those are the three—or three plus one—main points. Hope this helps!
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
In this case, I think you could say:
“I’m fine with just having you treat me to dinner.”
First, meet up for dinner once. If he says he’d like to see you again, you could say:
“Thank you for the delicious dinner today.
I had a great time.
But from next time onward, I’d like to receive an allowance even if we’re only having dinner.”
As for why there’s no allowance the first time: based on his reply, I think he means that he doesn’t want to meet if an allowance is involved.
However, since you haven’t seen each other for a while, I think that’s understandable. This is your chance to see whether you can make him feel that you’re worth giving an allowance to—perhaps by wearing something that shows your figure a little and making a good impression during dinner.
If he doesn’t find you attractive, you should work more on yourself. If he does, he may say, “Okay, I’ll give you an allowance from next time. How much would you like?” and so on.
You’ll need to make an effort that day so he feels it would be a shame to say goodbye and never see you again.
You may even need to make him think that, if you happened to have a fight with your boyfriend, you might be open to intimacy with him.
If that sounds like too much effort, you can simply tell him in your reply that you’d like an allowance even for dinner-only dates. But in that case, he’ll probably respond with something like, “Then let’s not do it this time.”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
LOL.
Sorry, I got carried away with the laughing.
If you want 10,000 yen, I think you should just say so. You do want it, right? It can’t be helped.
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