I’m a male member, and it’s been six months since I joined.
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I’m a little troubled.
So far, I’ve had adult relationships with several women, but I haven’t been able to finish with any of them.
However, I’ve met someone I’m physically compatible with, and with her alone, I can finish no matter whether it’s oral or an adult relationship.
But aside from thinking she’s beautiful, I don’t feel emotionally invested in her at all. On the other hand, the women I can’t finish with are the ones who soothe me emotionally.
Because of financial constraints, I can’t keep meeting people over and over to find someone who has both qualities. Besides, I’m busy and don’t have time to look.
And I’m hesitant to cut ties with the woman I feel emotionally connected to. To keep working, I need the comfort of a pseudo-romantic relationship, even if it’s only imagined.
What do you all think about this?
I’m Taro, a male member.
I understand how you feel. In terms of status, you haven’t reached your goal yet, so keep looking.
First, keep the women you have good physical chemistry with. Among them, try to see whether you click in other ways as well. With someone you feel emotionally connected to, explore how you might be able to develop an intimate relationship. At the same time, it’s important to meet new people and look for other possibilities. If you keep trying, you’re bound to find someone.
If it were me, I’d follow the priorities I mentioned above. If your finances or schedule can’t keep up, scale back—for example, reduce the number of women you see or meet them less often. I’ve never tried this myself, but if intimacy isn’t an option and she’s the soothing type, why not have a dinner-only (no intimacy) arrangement?
The important thing is to keep looking. If you search patiently, you’ll definitely find someone. I think one advantage of a dating club is that, as long as you’re willing to pay, you can go through the trial and error needed to find the right person.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
From your question, am I right in thinking that you want to find someone who is both comforting and a good physical match?
If you’re short on time, continuing to see both your current girl and someone who simply comforts you probably won’t leave you feeling truly fulfilled.
If you want both emotional comfort and physical compatibility, I think it would be more efficient to stop seeing the girl who only provides comfort and look for someone who offers both.
You’re paying for a club, after all. Unlike with a girlfriend, you can look for someone who’s also a good physical match, so there’s no need to settle. You have a good chance of eventually finding her. That’s the advantage of a club—you may meet someone who makes you feel comfortable and at ease, while also being a great physical match, whether that turns out to be one in three, one in five, or one in ten, twenty, or thirty women.
A conventional relationship, where you prioritize falling in love, is completely different—you can’t simply change partners because the physical chemistry isn’t right. If you keep compromising, your life will pass you by.
Also, don’t forget that in order to feel fulfilled yourself, it’s just as important to become someone your partner cherishes—someone who comforts her, makes her feel good, and with whom you can mutually enjoy yourselves.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
> Because of financial constraints, I can’t meet someone many times just to find a woman who has both qualities.
In that case, you may need to give up on that idea.
Wanting to meet someone better or someone you’re truly compatible with, yet finding it difficult to do so, is simply the reality.
If you want to keep searching, you’ll need to make a fair number of offers. If that’s financially difficult, giving up is probably the most practical choice.
That said, from what you’ve told me, you’ve already met both:
A woman you have good physical chemistry with, and
a woman who brings you emotional comfort.
If that’s the case, why not meet the woman who comforts you when you feel like being soothed, and meet the woman you have good physical chemistry with when that’s what you’re looking for?
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
That’s a difficult question. I do think it’s probably hard to find someone who’s a perfect match. I try to be satisfied with a good-enough arrangement.
In your case, perhaps it would be best to compromise on the things you consider negotiable, while holding firm on what you absolutely can’t give up.
On the other hand, if you can’t compromise, you might want to take your time and keep looking little by little, depending on your budget and how much free time you have.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I wasn’t really sure what the problem was, so let me整理 it:
A: She comforts me emotionally, but I can’t climax with her.
B: I don’t feel emotionally attached to her, but I can climax with her.
I don’t have the time or money to look for a C who can both comfort me emotionally and help me climax.
Is that what you mean?
If so, I think you should simply continue seeing A and B in parallel. If you can’t afford to date both, choose one of them—or work harder to secure the budget.
I see the individual qualities in multiple women and date them for different reasons, so I couldn’t really relate. I’ve also had partners with whom it took a while to reach climax, but over time they learned what worked for me and the situation improved.
Even if you can’t climax right away, if you’re willing to continue seeing A patiently, another option would be to focus on A and let her learn how to help you reach climax.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Is the point not that you should simply continue seeing multiple people at the same time, but that you’re looking for someone to understand how you feel?
I can usually make things work, so I’m not entirely sure—but isn’t “making an effort to become someone they can go for” an option for the person asking the question?
If you don’t have the time to look for your ideal woman because of time and financial constraints, then the solution you can start working on today is to “make an effort to become someone they can go for.”
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