How should I end things with my papa (a male supporter) of three years?
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He even rented an apartment for me and has taken me on trips many times, but I’m reaching the point where I have to end things.
Once the state of emergency is lifted, I’m going to meet my boyfriend’s parents, and if things continue as they are, we’ll be getting married. Because of the coronavirus pandemic, we won’t be having a large wedding, so it still doesn’t quite feel real, but marriage is definitely getting closer.
I need to leave my papa as soon as possible, but my relationship with my boyfriend has completely overlapped with my time with my papa, so I’m worried he’ll get angry. I don’t want things to end with him verbally abusing me. What should I say to bring things to the least painful ending possible? I’ve thought about writing him a letter, but I’d hate for his wife to find it. I’ve also wondered whether a gift would be pointless for a papa who can buy anything with money.
I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Thank you for your question.
If your papa (a male supporter) even rented you a place and took you on trips multiple times, then telling him that you’re getting married should be perfectly fine, since you have a clear reason.
As for the fact that your relationships overlapped and you kept it a secret, he might say something like, “So you were lying to me after all…” But he probably just wants to say his piece, so I don’t think you need to worry about it too much.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’d be happy to send her off. I might even say, “Men are cheaters, so be careful. Make sure you treat your partner well.” (笑)
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When older men talk about having a mistress, they sometimes say that seeing her get married feels surprisingly good.
Apparently, the president of a small or midsize company once brought his mistress—introducing her as his secretary—to a semi-private party with a business partner (at their vacation home, I think). She caught the eye of the business partner’s nephew, who was effectively the heir, and they ended up getting married.
Since their relationship overlapped for a while, he apparently thought, “Hmm?” for a moment, but ultimately said it felt just like giving his own daughter away in marriage.
I suppose it depends on the wording and timing, but personally, I think I’d cry if, instead of getting angry, he looked lonely, forced a smile, and said, “Congratulations.”
I hope everything ends on a positive note, so you can get married feeling happy and at peace.
Marika
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
So, were you keeping your boyfriend a secret from your papa (a male supporter)?
It’s best to tell him first at a café during the day, where other people are around. With people watching, he won’t be able to get angry or raise his voice, and it may help him stay somewhat calm.
After that, it depends on his personality.
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I’m a somewhat lost man in my 60s.
I’ve had an arrangement end with her saying, “I’m getting married,” and we parted on good terms, without any hard feelings.
I don’t necessarily consider marriage something extraordinary, but I believe having the grace to make a clean break with a woman who has decided to begin a new chapter in her life is part of being a good papa.
If you’re her papa, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Marriage is something to celebrate, and it’s also the best possible reason to bring things to an end, so I’d be happy if you simply told him. Rather than leaving him wondering why without ever asking, your papa (a male supporter) is probably hoping that you’ll get married someday. I’m sure he wishes you happiness, too.
Hearing that you’re getting married would be reassuring—and honestly, it would make him happy.
As for the fact that you kept it hidden, you were only keeping it from him until now, and you’ve been able to enjoy your time together and make it all the way to marriage, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling him. (If your papa (a male supporter) came into the picture later, be a little more careful about how you explain it.)
Also, once you get married, the relationship as papa and companion will naturally come to an end, but depending on the trust between you, it may still be possible to continue a new relationship as friends or as someone to turn to for advice.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think you should simply tell him that you’re starting to want to get married and would like to end things and move out. If you’ve kept your boyfriend a secret until now, you might as well stick to that lie until the end. There’s no need to upset him by burning bridges right at the very end.
If you leave things on good terms and say, “Thank you for everything,” a normal man will probably respond in kind.
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