I’m a female member. While sitting next to a papa (a male supporter) I really liked—one who told me, “I’m only seeing you”—I happened to see messages between him and another woman. He must have thought he was busted, because he quickly hid them, but they were clearly messages implying an intimate relationship, lol.
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Since then, my feelings of affection have completely cooled off. He can lie with a straight face, but can’t even keep his own lie going—he’s just a sex-obsessed old man, I realized. Somehow, he suddenly seemed so small and unimpressive as a person. It also shocked me that the words I use to insult him have become nothing but the same clichéd vocabulary you often see online, mocking these desire-driven older men in compensated relationships. I wanted to keep liking him as a man, as an individual, so why did he turn back into “just another older man in a compensated relationship”? I know he probably feels like, “That’s not my problem.” I had even avoided getting a boyfriend because he told me to, though I’m sure the answerers would also say, “That’s not my problem.”
Still, if nothing else, I wish he had hidden the existence of the other woman more thoroughly. I regret casually peeking at his phone, too, and all sorts of regrets have been welling up. I had finally managed to fall for him, after all.
Is it disrespectful to continue seeing him while I’m still feeling this conflicted…? I never expected to feel this way after finally coming to like him and becoming close. Am I weird for losing interest so suddenly?
Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
I think you’re feeling especially shocked and betrayed because you believed you had both agreed to see only each other.
Still, I think it would be best to take a step back and calm down. This situation has probably taught you a lot.
It’s better not to lie, but the reality is that many women date multiple men, and men do the same.
Of course, there are people who don’t, but in most cases, things end up like this.
With that in mind, I think you should find multiple papas as well.
However, you don’t need to go into detail about who else you’re seeing. Rather than thinking of it as lying, consider it a matter of courtesy toward the other person. That may make it easier to accept.
And even if your feelings for this particular person have cooled, if you look at it another way, you had thought he was a good person until now. So perhaps he isn’t such a bad person after all.
From here on, I think it would be good for you to find multiple papas as well.
This is different from choosing a marriage partner, so I don’t think seeing multiple people is all that unusual.
You can gain a lot by dating a variety of men.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
You both went and did something you really didn’t need to do, haha.
I’m sure you understand all the logic behind it, so I won’t go into that. From here, it all comes down to how you feel. You don’t need to worry about the man’s feelings. Whatever conclusion you reach is the right one.
And, for what it’s worth, that’s just how men are. Rather than losing interest because you got a glimpse behind the scenes, I think it’s more constructive to see it as having reached a point where you can consider the reality behind the scenes—and the essence of things as a whole.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
> I didn’t even get a boyfriend because my papa told me not to.
You could say the man dug his own grave.
Those were words the man himself said, so it’s only natural for her to hold a grudge. It wasn’t a choice she made on her own.
Let her go, and she won’t leave.
Try to keep her, and she’ll run away.
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
This time, I’m not here just to hear you vent—I’m looking at this from the perspective of preventing it from happening again.
There’s nothing particularly strange about what happened. I understand that your papa (a male supporter) made comments that gave you hope. But when you get down to it, you chose to believe him, chose to get your hopes up and fall for him, chose to look through his emails and feel disappointed, chose to regret it, and chose to wonder whether having these feelings was disrespectful.
From the perspective of preventing a repeat, this is how you should look at it:
To avoid going through the same thing again, the first step is not to take what your papa says at face value. Don’t trust him. Unfortunately, that’s necessary.
That said, it’s precisely because both sides are free to lie that we can feel comfortable participating in a place like this. In this world, whether something is true or a lie isn’t all that important. What matters is whether you can have a comfortable, convenient relationship facilitated by an allowance.
Incidentally, I’m a person full of lies. When it comes to women I’m seeing, depending on the subject, I lie calmly and matter-of-factly. I don’t feel guilty about it at all. If anything, the women who ask questions that force me to lie are the ones at fault. LOL
Besides, I’m already a villain—a heel—who lies to his wife, so I think it’s strange to play an honest, good-hearted babyface at a dating club. It makes me feel disgusted with myself.
I’m a villain, so I’ll continue being one unapologetically.
Though deep down, I’m actually a good guy. Probably. In professional wrestling, only good people can convincingly play the heel.
That said, I don’t say things that give women false hope. If anything, the role I play is that of “a man who leaves something to be desired.”
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