I'm a complete beginner who just signed up.

Maezawa from the president’s office will answer as well. Thank you for your question. Hmm... “Men are wolves, so be careful~♪ Even if they look like sheep, deep down inside~ That’s just how they are—wolves baring their fangs~ If you carelessly believe that this one person is safe, no, no, no—absolutely not~” Is that song something people nowadays have never heard of? A “slightly” forceful, “a little” sneaky approach is actually pretty common. Someone saying, “I’m going to touch your hand now,” or “I’m going to kiss you now,” and proceeding only after confirming with you seems to be the minority. So, in your case: > We were meeting in a hotel lobby, and as soon as he arrived, he suddenly took me to a room. When he tried to take you there, you should have said, “Wait. I don’t want to go straight to a room. I’d like to have a meal first.” And if he still tried to take you to the room, you could have said, “If you’re going to be that forceful, I’m going home.” Other common lines include: “Let’s just eat in the room,” or “Let’s have a drink in the room. I won’t do anything.” Those are almost always lies, so I think it’s safer to assume that men who truly won’t do anything in a room are in the minority. I think women used to be told things like this as a matter of course, but now that the internet is the main source of information, perhaps there are fewer people around to share this kind of advice. I’m not sure what you want to do now that you’ve become distrustful of him. But since you’ve already entered into an adult relationship (intimate), I think the important things are whether you’re comfortable with having that kind of relationship every time, and whether the allowance meets your expectations. He may continue to be somewhat forceful in the future, so it would be a good idea to anticipate that in advance and simulate what you would do if he tried to pressure you. That way, when something happens suddenly, you’ll be better able to decide whether to firmly say no.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. I’m kind of a mean person, so if they pull a dirty trick like that, they have no right to get mad if I pull one right back. I’d do it once somewhere and see how they react. If they got angry, I’d be done with them. But if they laughed and said, “Haha, I did something like that to you before too. Sorry about that,” then I’d be okay with it.

Seattle here. I remembered a time when I took her to a hotel and she turned me down. It wasn’t through a dating club. She agreed to: ① becoming my mistress, ② staying at MiraCosta, and ③ receiving an allowance. So I got carried away, assuming that meant intimacy at night was okay too. Since it was Christmas, the one-night stay at MiraCosta cost ¥200,000, but it was worth it. Tokyo Disney Resort was fun, and the atmosphere was great. Even so, when I climbed onto the bed, she said: “Is this included in the arrangement too?” I stopped at petting and restrained myself. I wanted us to stay on good terms, and we eventually became intimate on our next trip to Hakone. We went on about five trips together, but she ended up breaking things off with me. She’d said she had just broken up with her boyfriend, so maybe it was simply a good time for her to take her mind off things. I hope I at least helped her change her mood. Sorry for sharing a random story, but with a dating club, you should clarify the terms and assume that going to a room is standard.

I’m a male member, Paper Airplane. I hadn’t thought of that approach. True, if you tell her you’ve already booked a room, there probably aren’t many girls who would refuse to go there… Still, since this is a club, it would probably be better to wait until after dinner and get her consent by having her say, “I’ll leave it up to you.” Thinking about what might happen later…

Well, I’d say you’re both at fault to some extent. It wasn’t exactly normal behavior, but it’s not particularly unfair either, since you didn’t refuse. It would have been a problem if he had put a collar on you and dragged you there. But you knew a room had been reserved and walked there yourself. I’m sure it was difficult to say no, but you’re also responsible for continuing to go along with it despite feeling uncomfortable. The man was also in the wrong for proceeding without confirming the woman’s wishes or discussing the allowance. In any case, in a dating club, this kind of issue is so basic that it could be a topic in an elementary school’s end-of-day class meeting. Since you’ve only just registered, please have the courage to clearly state what you want from now on. I answered this assuming you’re a young woman around college age, but if you’re in your late twenties, it comes across as being rather naïve—or frankly, not very bright—so please be careful. Marika

I’m Taro, a male member. Thank you for the great question. I think this kind of miscommunication happens fairly often, so I’ve been waiting for a question like this. In your case, the man may have been acting unfairly, but he may also have proceeded because, from his perspective, he felt that you had reached some kind of understanding during your initial conversation. I’ve had a similar experience myself. I think these crossed wires happen frequently when things take on a pseudo-romantic tone without explicitly discussing that intimacy would take place in exchange for an allowance. If you wanted to refuse, you should have done so before entering the room. Once you went in, the man may have assumed that you had both agreed, so changing your mind at that point could make things complicated. There was a news story about something similar recently, wasn’t there? It was reported that the man stole her money, but I suspect he may actually have forcibly taken back the allowance after telling her to return it. It’s reprehensible, but given the circumstances, I can imagine someone losing their temper and things escalating that way. Now, to answer your question: it’s already over, and this was essentially an accident. Try to take that into consideration. If you still feel that you’d be willing to continue seeing this man, then you should meet him again. If it still bothers you, bring it up the next time you meet. You could say, “I’m okay with the outcome, but I was a little disappointed with how it happened.” It might be better to wait a little longer rather than bringing it up at your very next meeting. Read the situation and use your judgment. But if you want to build a proper relationship, I think it’s better to find the right timing and talk about it. On the other hand, even if you feel that way, there’s still a chance the man may decide not to see you again. If you went as far as an adult relationship (intimate), you must have exchanged all kinds of information beyond words during that time. If the man picked up some kind of message from that, he may decide to pull away.