May I ask my first question here as a married man in my 50s, with nearly two years of experience at the club, which has always treated me so well?
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Until now, I’ve mainly seen women registered in Class B, keeping things fairly low-key and enjoying comfortable relationships at a moderate pace. I’ve had my share of experiences, and I’ve come to feel genuinely glad that I joined the club.
I was getting a little too comfortable, when I happened to meet the most perfectly suited woman I’ve ever encountered. For once, I was completely fired up, and after showing her as much sincerity as possible, I feel I’ve finally managed to get as far as having this extremely cautious woman say that she might consider a more exclusive relationship with me.
I was thrilled when she even told me, “I’m prepared to cross that line with you someday.” But that joy was short-lived (sigh).
She then asked me: “I’m at an age where I’d like to experience love too, so if I got a boyfriend, would you continue seeing me?”
I’d never been asked that before, and I felt it was probably something she should have kept to herself. So, perhaps instinctively, I replied: “If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better not to take things any further and just meet occasionally for dinner only (no intimacy)? Once I knew you had a boyfriend, I’d feel awkward too, and knowing how cautious you are, you’d only end up struggling because you wouldn’t be able to keep things separate.” Apparently, that really touched a nerve.
She even retorted, “Don’t you think it’s unfair for you to say that when you’re meeting other women through the club?”
I understand that she needs financial support for various reasons, and I can understand how she feels, but being asked whether I’d accept her having a boyfriend puts me in a difficult position, doesn’t it? If she had already had one from the beginning, I might have been able to accept it as part of the arrangement.
I don’t know why she asked me that, but is she saying that she wants me to accept that possibility as well? She’s a highly educated student who is in serious financial hardship because of her family circumstances.
She’s such a perfect match for me that it would be a terrible shame to simply ignore her and say goodbye out of frustration, so I can’t reach an easy conclusion.
I’d be grateful for your thoughts.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Let’s redefine what “exactly my type” and “right in my wheelhouse” mean.
It refers to a woman who is everything the questioner could possibly want—ideal in every way. She also needs to feel the same way about him. I think it only works when both sides feel that way.
> Finally made it there
> Maybe someday…
That means she isn’t ideal at all, and is actually the opposite of what he wants.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I felt sorry watching the questioner get absolutely roasted by the other answerers, so I decided to jump in. I feel like Urashima Taro rescuing the turtle（笑）
I’ve had someone say something similar to me before. I don’t think she had a boyfriend at the time. Maybe there was a kind of pride behind her words: “I’ll date you, but I have my own life, and this isn’t a serious relationship in that sense, okay?”—a sort of tsundere attitude. When we negotiated dinner only with no allowance, she said something like, “That’s fine, but I’ll be mad if you don’t splurge on the restaurant.” But in reality, she didn’t care about the restaurant’s level at all.
You probably already know what went wrong, so here’s the solution: stop putting on airs and come back down to earth. As a man using a dating club, I think the important thing is how you genuinely feel. It isn’t just sexual desire—you also felt that this woman was wonderful. The response you gave in the question was certainly a major blunder, but it came from wanting to be considerate; you just expressed it the wrong way. While honestly reflecting on that mistake, you should also communicate the feelings behind it directly.
Actually, I even came up with a draft while imagining what I would say myself, fueled by alcohol. But even drunk, I had about one percent of my sanity left, and I thought, “Getting drunk on alcohol and then getting drunk on myself would be the worst.” If I posted it, I’d be so embarrassed that I’d have no choice but to hang myself the next morning, so I deleted it. So think of something yourself, Turtle（笑）
I don’t dislike awkward guys—I’m one myself. Keep trying right to the very end, Turtle. Whether you win or lose, you’ll learn a lot. I really mean that.
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You’re trying way too hard to look cool.
And it comes across as self-centered.
Don’t you think it’s perfectly normal for a young woman to have a boyfriend? From the outset, assume that a woman who’s that beautiful and captivating is unlikely to be single.
And if you’re going to be a papa (a male supporter), just take it in stride and don’t let having one boyfriend bother you.
You both seem a bit awkward.
Though I do think she could have simply not asked in the first place.
Marika
This may be beside the point, but I can tell that you’re a very serious person, questioner.
That said, your writing sounds surprisingly old-man-ish for someone in their fifties.
I’d like to believe you don’t look the part.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, and I’ll answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
I was shocked by how selfish it is to be married yourself yet dislike the other person having a boyfriend.
And instead of being straightforward and saying, “I’m jealous,” he phrases it as though he’s speaking from above, saying things like, “You’re going to end up hurting.”
At this point, you have to wonder, who does he think he is? I’m amazed that someone can think only of themselves to this extent.
On top of that, he even says:
“I’ll just ignore her and say goodbye because it’s become too much trouble...”
That means he’s only thinking about his own feelings, without any regard for hers. Well, if things are working out for you, I won’t say anything.
> I’d appreciate hearing your opinion.
First, apologize to her and continue seeing her. I think that’s the way to keep this from becoming public.
Whether she gets a boyfriend or even has ten papa supporters,
I hope you can have a broad enough heart to love her, including all of that.
I say “broad,” but it’s not really anything extraordinary—it’s just normal.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Regret can be a good thing. It takes something that serious to give you the motivation to reflect on your own actions and words.
Also, be careful about making excuses or coming up with your own justifications, as that could make her even angrier.
If you’ve upset a woman, the first thing you need to do is apologize. Any discussion comes after she’s forgiven you.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I personally wouldn’t mind if she had a boyfriend, so I couldn’t relate to it at all. I also couldn’t wrap my head around calling someone your absolute type when your fundamental values are so different.
The mystery only deepens. Looks like I’ll be spending the whole day at work scratching my head.
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It’s Seattle.
The more attractive a woman is, the more natural it is for her to have a boyfriend. I assume she had one from the start. In that situation, all I could do was “not worry about it.”
Since I gave the wrong answer, all I can do is apologize and add a little extra to her allowance.
P.S. Taro, your answers are always interesting. I’d love to see the wording you came up with.
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