I’ve been seeing a generous papa (well-paying) for two years, and we’re usually very close. But sometimes I suddenly want to spit out a stream of hurtful words and break things off with him.
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Maybe it’s because our relationship is so close, but he gets angry if I don’t answer the phone, and he goes on and on about how long it takes me to reply to his calls or emails. He keeps saying things like, “I’m busier than you, so be considerate!!” and “You don’t even call that often, so improve!! I’m calling because email is a hassle for me!! Stop putting your phone on silent!! Why can’t you ever do what I say!?” He apparently yells at his own employees a lot, too.
When I replied, “I’m doing my best to accommodate you, but I can’t be considerate about phone calls enough to meet your ideal,” he said, “If you say things like that in such a dismissive way, it’s going to mess up our relationship!!”
I’m basically not comfortable with phone calls. If possible, I’d rather handle everything by email. But I’ve adjusted to my current papa and started calling him fairly often. Still, sometimes I become utterly fed up with him getting angry if I don’t answer immediately, and I feel like throwing everything away.
I know you’re meeting other papa-katsu women, too!! You sleep with them just to satisfy your own desires, yet you expect me to prioritize you and act like your girlfriend!! Are you out of your mind, you disgusting old man?! I don’t need your piddling allowance!! Don’t get full of yourself just because you’re generous, you asshole!!
I get the urge to lash out with words I shouldn’t say, lose my temper, and break up with him.
Normally, my papa says I’m very refined and ladylike. I don’t think he can even imagine that I have such a foul mouth, so maybe part of me wants to shatter that image before breaking up with him.
Is this abnormal? The difference between how much I like him and how much I hate him is extreme. When things are good, we have so much fun that I even think I’d want to be there when he dies. But sometimes I suddenly want to hurt him terribly. Is there something wrong with me?
I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I think that’s pretty normal when money is involved.
In my case, it’s work-related, but I have a very big-spending client who I’m usually extremely close with. Still, the slightest bit of trouble makes him act incredibly condescending and unpleasant toward me.
Since he’s a big-spending client, I treat him respectfully. But the moment I get into my car and close the door, I scream:
“D○e! D○e! D○eeee! Haaah!”
He brings my company over a million yen every month, though, so I can’t cut him off lol.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office will answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
I think it might be a good idea to send them your terms going forward via LINE, something like this:
“I really hate it when you get angry if I don’t answer right away, XX. It causes me a lot of stress. Since I really want to improve this, I won’t be answering phone calls anymore. Please contact me only through LINE from now on.
If that doesn’t work for you, I’m okay with ending things. I’ve blocked your number.”
You may not want to break up, but I don’t think it’s healthy to keep building up stress either.
If you can communicate through LINE, it sounds like you can tolerate things while you’re together. So you could continue seeing each other as usual, and if they don’t contact you afterward, I think it would be fair to consider the relationship over.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
That’s 100% normal. Love and hatred are actually fairly similar emotions, and I think the opposite of love is indifference.
Years ago, when I broke up with a woman I’d been seeing for four years, she sent me an incredibly long email listing everything she disliked about me. It ended with, “Please don’t email me anymore. I won’t email you either. I’m deleting this address. Goodbye.” Yet she emailed me again the next day, and I ended up receiving three emails in total. It was practically an epic.
If you’re really breaking up, I think you might as well do it. LINE is probably better than a phone call, since you can send another message if you think of something you left unsaid. If you’re going to do it, you should get everything off your chest.
Speaking as the person who received one, I was angry when I first read it, but when I looked back at it later, it was so honest that much of it was genuinely useful feedback.
Incidentally, she emailed me recently asking for advice about something unrelated. I guess she never actually deleted my address.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Given how much stress you’ve been under, I understand why you’d sometimes feel like letting loose. If anything, I think that man was the one acting strangely. Still, there are men like that from time to time, aren’t there?
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It’s Seattle.
There’s nothing strange about it. I just hate phone calls, so I end up thinking he’s a weird guy.
If you can act that arrogant and she still doesn’t cut things off, I wonder if she’s getting around 500,000 yen a month. I’m curious, so please tell us in another question sometime.
A classy, extremely sadistic type is really alluring, so do your best to find someone even better than that papa, verbally abuse him, and be sure to write about how it all turns out in a column or another question.
If I could tip you, I would. I’ve actually tipped someone before.
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