I have a papa who gives me sound advice, willingly tries to see me when I’m feeling down, and is someone I can talk to about anything. When I’m having a hard time, he’s genuinely kind and listens to me with such care.
This content is machine-translated.
Now that I’ve experienced this much emotional fulfillment, I’ve realized that I want to see him regardless of the allowance. I even find myself wanting to work harder so he’ll think more highly of me. I’ve also realized that when there’s a deep emotional bond, I’m more responsive and find intimacy more pleasurable.
I do have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t support me emotionally as much as my papa does. My papa’s emotional support has become so important that I’m starting to wonder what the point of being with my boyfriend is.
Intimacy is also more pleasurable with my papa.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years with marriage in mind, but meeting my papa has changed my values. I’m torn between breaking up and looking for someone my age who’s like my papa.
However, I’m already over 30. I wonder whether I still have time to start over, find someone, and fall in love again—and whether I’ll still be able to have children.
I had decided to quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) once I got married, but I’m considering compromising and marrying my current boyfriend while continuing to see my papa, since he’s the person who supports me emotionally the most… It would be terrible to continue this after having children, but that’s how conflicted I am.
I know it isn’t right to compare my boyfriend with my papa, but when it comes to marriage, I find myself wishing I could be with someone like my papa. For reference, my papa has a wife.
Even if I married my boyfriend and ended things with my papa, I’m afraid I would still end up seeking someone who could fulfill me emotionally.
What do you think I should do?
I would really appreciate your advice.
I’m a columnist who goes by Flag Maker.
I may not be quite like that papa, but there are women who conveniently treat me as their “emotional support.”
They’ve all gone on to get married and have children with someone else, though. I’m completely fine with that. At this point, I’m happy to be treated like a female friend or simply someone who fills a gap. As long as it’s a woman I like, I don’t mind however conveniently she chooses to treat me. I’ve written more about this in my column.
That papa will probably continue giving you the kind of relationship you want, even if you get married or something else happens. Why not continue relying on him for emotional support, at least when things get tough?
And to all the young women out there: men have room to grow, too. That papa is who he is today because he got married, gained various experiences, and grew older. He was once an immature young man just like your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend will grow in time as well. Don’t judge him entirely based on who he is right now. If you ask more of him, he should be able to grow. Maybe you’re simply asking the person who’s easier and more comfortable to ask.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from the President’s Office will answer this one as well.
Thank you for your question.
> After meeting my papa, my values changed. Now that we’ve broken up, I’m unsure whether I should look for someone around my papa’s age.
Some women realize around the age of 20 that they prefer older men. They tend to date older men as well.
I think it’s fine to start looking for an older marriage partner. It may be difficult and could take some time.
That said, some people do end up getting married soon after meeting, so I think it’s perfectly reasonable to continue looking for an older marriage partner as things stand now.
You could also wait and make a decision in about a year.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.”
Why not simply continue seeing your papa and marry him?
If you did that, there wouldn’t seem to be any particular problem.
As long as your papa continues to support you, I think you could enjoy a happy home life as well.
It would be a shame to break up with your papa, and there’d be no problem at all with marrying him. Breaking up with him would actually carry more risks.
May you be blessed with both kinds of happiness: harmony at home, and emotional support (along with the pleasures of intimacy).
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Taro, a male member.
Marriage is like investing in infrastructure, so you’re better off thinking 30 years ahead.
Your current boyfriend will eventually become a papa, in more ways than one.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m in Seattle.
I’m voting for Mack’s middle-ground option.
A marriage partner is ultimately a compromise. If you want children, have them and then get divorced.
From a divorced woman who’s having the time of her life.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
