I’m a Type B female member.
There’s a papa (a male supporter) I’ve been seeing for almost a year now.
When we first discussed the terms, nothing like this came up, but whenever we go to a room, I end up staying the night. (I’m not told in advance, and the atmosphere makes it difficult to say I’m going home, so I end up staying.)
It would be fine once every two or three times, but when it happens every time, it starts affecting me the next day, and it’s also becoming emotionally burdensome.
So I told him that, using work as a reason, I’d like to go home late at night instead of staying over. After that, though, every meeting has been limited to dinner and drinks at a second place.
I didn’t mean that I disliked going to a room—I meant that I wanted to cut back on staying overnight—but perhaps that didn’t come across. Or maybe, for him, going to a room automatically means staying the night.
He’s quite a romantic, so perhaps he dislikes it because he feels there’s no lingering intimacy if I don’t stay over.
Even when I don’t stay over, we spend more than six hours together every time (from 7 p.m. until after 1 a.m. the next day), so I feel that should be enough. Since the allowance would also be different, I’d ideally like us to still include time at a room.
Is there a good way to communicate these feelings to him?
Maezawa from the President’s Office here—I’ll answer this one too.
Thank you for your question.
First, it’s possible that this man prefers an overnight stay for an adult relationship.
When he says he doesn’t want anything other than staying overnight, it may be because, at a city hotel, the room costs the same even if you leave after a short time (though daytime rates can differ; at night, usually not). So he may simply think, “If we’re paying for the room anyway, we might as well stay the night,” while also wanting to spend more time together.
So the simplest option might be to stay overnight every other time. (That would mean dinner and drinks only on the other occasions.)
If you suggest that, I don’t think he’ll object. Once he agrees, you could then say things like, “If we’re going to have drinks, I’d like to relax at the hotel for three hours,” or “I’d like to have drinks together in the room,” and use that as a reason to go up to the room.
Depending on the hotel, three hours may be the same as the daytime rest period at a love hotel. If he dislikes the idea of a city hotel because it only offers overnight stays, a love hotel might work since they offer short-stay options.
Of course, he may be someone who dislikes love hotels altogether, so there’s no need to insist on one. Spending three hours at a city hotel could work too.
Once you’re in the room, you could have drinks together while getting affectionate, and it may naturally lead to an adult relationship. Then, when it’s almost time for the last train, you could simply say, “I’m going to miss the last train, so I’m going home,” and leave the room.
If the allowance for that is the same as dinner only, I’d give up on this approach going forward. But if it’s the same as an overnight stay, you could have drinks in the room every other time and stay overnight on the remaining occasions.
Of course, I understand that you’d prefer to go home the same day every time. For now, though, I think it would be best to find a compromise where each of you gets half of what you wants.
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I’m in Seattle.
Taro is right. He’s just sulking. He may be old enough to know better, but he’s still a middle-schooler at heart.
Pretend you like him, but don’t give up on keeping things short. If you’re staying overnight every time, there’s no way the allowance should be that low.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
If she’s a Type B, I think it would be best to talk to her about it early on.
If she happens to go on a hotel date with one of her favorite women the day before or after meeting you, you may risk never getting a room with her in the future.
It’s rare to find a Type B woman who’s more compatible with you and comfortable with physical affection than a Type C woman. If the chemistry is good, it’s hard to spend three or four hours together without going to a hotel. Even if that wasn’t your intention, once you’ve said you don’t want to stay in a hotel room, she’s a Type B, so it becomes difficult for the man to take the initiative.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Interesting. You say you’ve been seeing him for about a year, including overnight stays and long dates, yet you don’t mention having any feelings for your papa at all. In a way, that’s the most intriguing part.
I get where the man is coming from, to some extent. Men who choose Type B often seem to harbor romantic fantasies. He probably wants to believe you have genuine feelings for him, without considering the burden it places on you. He’s figured out that your reason for refusing to stay over wasn’t really work-related, and he’s sulking about it. I think he’s waiting for you to say, “I’m sorry—I want to have sex with you.” It’s not economically rational behavior（笑）—in a way, he’s simple and an endearing fool. That’s how I see it as a fellow man. You, calmly observing all this, might actually make a good pair with him.
What the man wants is your affection, and I think he uses the length of time you spend together as a numerical measure of your feelings for him. I doubt you actually feel that way, but if you told him, “I like you,” in a convincing way, I think it would be highly effective. Just be careful that he doesn’t think you’re only saying it as a convenient excuse to shorten your dates. He seems quite suspicious, so you’ll need to handle it carefully. Maybe you could dig deep and find whatever affection you do have for him, do the kinds of things you would do precisely because you like someone, and then persuade him by telling him that those actions are proof.
I’ll say it again: he’s suspicious, but fairly simple. Also, it’s better to act sooner rather than later. He’s probably making offers to lots of other women behind the scenes（笑）
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