I’m a woman in my 20s, Type C.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. I briefly considered combining a letter date with a “2-get-1” deal to make three offers, since I wanted to cut down on the offer fees. But in the end, I’m a scaredy-cat who likes to look cool despite not having much money, so I was too nervous to do the letter date. I worried she might think, “So you offered to meet me just to save money?” It felt like I’d be starting off in the negative. Besides, my best qualities are supposed to come across once we actually meet, haha.

I’m Taro, a male member. So that’s what a letter date is like. From a man’s perspective, I thought it basically meant, “Pay half the introduction fee if you arrange the schedule yourself—but there’s no refund even if you handle things poorly and the two of you never meet.” But maybe having the word “date” in it makes people feel like the date has already started from the very beginning. For women, it’s nothing but a cost until they actually meet, so if things don’t quickly move on to scheduling, couldn’t they just stop replying and leave it at that? I don’t think it’s something worth agonizing over.

Yokoyama from the staff here as well. Maezawa has already answered, but turning down a letter date won’t really change the other person’s impression of you. If you’re not comfortable with it, why not decline next time onward? This is just my personal opinion, but I feel it’s better to exchange messages before meeting so you can get to know the other person a little—it makes things easier. That said, this is only my personal view, and I don’t think you should force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Hope you continue enjoying your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

This is Mei Uehara from the Tokyo branch. I can’t give you an exact percentage, but the number does seem to be increasing. We also thought it might be a good option since it allows both parties to get a feel for each other before meeting in person, but... >It’s troubling that so many people mistakenly assume they’ll definitely be able to go to a hotel that same day. When using letter dating, why not tell your partner, “For our first in-person date, I’d prefer to just have dinner”? I think it’s better to be clear about this for the sake of your future relationship as well.

Letter dates are a real challenge, which is why they’re such a welcome option for male members who can write well. As you said, with letter dates, a man’s ability—or lack thereof—comes out painfully clearly because everything depends on writing. It’s not just a difference between 0 and 100 points. The gap can open up to around minus 100 to 200 points. For women as well as men, the results can be like heaven and hell. Women have told me that, through the letter date, they already feel they can trust me and feel safe and excited about meeting me, and that it was absolutely wonderful. Maybe that’s because of the way I do things. Communicating through writing is difficult, and at first I wasn’t sure how to approach it. But it tests not only your writing ability, but also your consideration for the other person’s pace and schedule, along with a great deal of patience and thoughtfulness. If you try to carry on the exchange at your own pace, you’ll be rejected immediately. Only after clearing those hurdles can you gradually become comfortable with each other. Unless a man has an exceptional amount of patience and composure, there’s a good chance he’ll simply misunderstand the situation. Also, with letter dates, because you’ve already become comfortable with each other, unlike regular or online dates, I have never been the one to suggest going somewhere after dinner. Women themselves bring up the idea of going somewhere after dinner at a natural point in the conversation, regardless of their type. Since we’re already comfortable with each other, there’s no need to negotiate an adult relationship (intimate), regardless of their type. Because there’s already a high level of trust, I can trust the woman and simply wait until she feels ready and in the mood. No matter how many meetings it takes, you need enough patience to wait until she feels like it. And if she’s Type C, then all the more reason that the man should never be pushy, especially since you’ve already exchanged plenty of messages. As for what percentage of my dates are letter dates, personally, it’s currently 100%. Even if online dates come back in the future, I’ll still stick to letter dates 100%. I don’t plan on doing voice dates or regular dates. > Kazu, One advantage of letter dates is that you can set yourself apart by an even wider margin. Lately, I’ve started hearing women talk about unpleasant experiences with letter dates as well. (Though I hear even more complaints about how exhausting regular dates are…) I’ve also heard stories about men coming on so strongly about going to a hotel during a letter date that the women became fed up and simply stopped responding without ever meeting them. Since it’s a letter date, you need to keep the conversation focused only on topics the woman will enjoy. What occupies a man’s mind and what occupies a woman’s mind are almost completely opposite, so it might be best to approach everything from the opposite perspective. P.S. Because letter dates are conducted in writing, the exchanges remain on record and can be reread. That also makes it easy to decide quickly that someone isn’t worth pursuing. If you cut people off cleanly and promptly, women benefit from not having to spend the time and effort meeting them, unlike with regular dates. I do feel that rejecting letter dates is a bit of a missed opportunity—unlike rejecting online dates. When someone rejected online dates, I could understand their circumstances, so I would occasionally offer a regular date instead. But I don’t think I would make an offer to someone who rejected letter dates, because unlike with online dates, I don’t really understand why they would reject them. P.P.S. > A lot of people mistakenly think they’ll definitely be able to go to a hotel that same day. You can probably prevent that by mentioning in advance that her period might be due or could overlap with the date. > I understand the negative aspects all too well. They become obvious very quickly, so if you think of it as an efficient way to avoid wasting time on an unsuitable relationship, it’s actually a benefit. The moment you get that feeling, cut things off immediately.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well. Thank you for your question. First of all, it is possible to turn down a letter date. Declining one won’t make the staff think any less of you. That said, I do think it’s better to accept it at least once, then decline from the second time onward. You could say something like, “I tried a letter date once, but all the men seemed to think they could get intimate as soon as we met. I feel like meeting in person from the start suits me better,” and use that as your reason for declining letter dates. Still, during the test period, women received a payment from the man when the date was arranged, just as with online dates. I wonder why they got rid of that. I thought women would complain if there were no payment—and sure enough, that seems to be what happened. Maybe they assumed women would be more willing to meet men without the payment, but whether that actually worked out is… a mystery. Now, regarding the main point: > Before meeting, exchanging messages causes the man’s expectations to keep rising on their own, and many of them mistakenly assume they’re definitely going to make it to a hotel that day. It’s frustrating. In that case, why not say, “Let’s meet right away,” and set a date from the beginning? Even if they say they want to exchange more messages first, you could respond, “In that case, are we supposed to keep messaging forever?” That might steer things toward meeting. Of course, they might find it a little odd, so I think it would be good to explain why as well. You could say something like: “Even if we exchange messages here for a long time, I won’t know whether an adult relationship is possible until we actually meet. I think meeting and talking in person suits me better. Sorry for being demanding.” If you put it that way, they may agree that meeting is the better option. And since you haven’t exchanged many messages, I think it’ll also be easier to turn them down after meeting if necessary. > What percentage of all offers are letter dates these days? At a quick glance, around 10%. I expected it to be lower, so I was surprised to see that many. Maybe it’s because the arrangement fee is cheaper.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I can certainly understand why women might find it a hassle（笑）. Still, please cut them some slack. There are women on this Q&A site who say they aren’t getting offers—or have stopped getting them altogether—so I think it’s best to simply appreciate the fact that you received an offer. A dating club is a place for dating. If a woman is looking for a relationship but finds the process bothersome, she can simply decline the offer（笑）. Also, male members have no other way to connect with women, so I think letter dates are one useful tool for that. Since women don’t get detailed information such as photos, they won’t know what the other person is really like until they meet. So perhaps it would be enough to send a quick message saying, “I’d like to discuss the details after we meet.” Rather than focusing too much on the immediate allowance, generous (well-paying) supporters like Mac or Kazu may or may not be among the many offers you receive. I think it can actually be fun to polish yourself so you can distinguish between them even before meeting. If a man like me made an offer and sensed the kind of attitude described in your question, I think I’d really start haggling her down（笑）.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I agree. It seems that the women who receive Letter Date offers don’t have a very positive impression of them either. Since there’s no transportation allowance, they’re not particularly eager to go, but I’ve heard some say they accepted because they were worried that turning down an offer might make the club view them unfavorably. Apparently, while they’re already reluctant to accept the offer, some unknown man starts pressuring them to meet while visibly aroused, repeatedly saying, “Let’s meet, let’s meet.” Understandably, they end up feeling extremely put off. Most of the women I speak with already have other partners and can afford to be selective, so if anything puts them off at the letter stage, they tend to cut things off quickly. Hearing these women’s opinions is one reason I still haven’t made an offer through Letter Date. When approaching a woman I genuinely want to date, I’d rather use a method that’s more likely to lead to an actual relationship. This seems very different from the Letter Date that the original respondent, the “conflicted man in his 60s,” used. Personally, I think it worked in his case because of his personality. I don’t think knowing the percentage of offers made through Letter Date would really tell us anything. It may be important for Universe Club’s business planning, but it isn’t a figure that concerns members, is it? For example, if the questioner learned that many offers were made through Letter Date, would that make Letter Date feel more acceptable? If you’re not comfortable with Letter Date, why not simply ask the club to mark you as “Letter Date not accepted”? Back when they offered Online Dates, some women had “Online Date not accepted” listed on their profiles. That reminds me of another drawback of Letter Date. There are surprisingly many women who don’t enjoy constantly tapping out LINE messages. I don’t know what they’re like with friends, but quite a few women find messaging a papa (a male supporter) tedious. Whether it’s a dating app or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I often hear from women that they received so many messages on the apps that it became a hassle and they stopped using them. Writing in a way that won’t easily be misunderstood by a stranger takes practice and effort, too. Speaking of photos, something else came to mind. One complaint I’ve heard from women about dating apps is that the men only post their one miraculous photo. If men are sending photos through Universe, they should also post unedited photos taken by the staff on their profiles（笑） Because of all this, I have a bias that the people willing to meet through Letter Date are either women who don’t receive many offers or women whose relationships don’t last. I don’t mind the former, but I’d rather avoid women who specialize in short-lived relationships. I still can’t bring myself to like Letter Date—it feels like a half-hearted attempt by a dating club to compromise with dating apps. That said, I do think there are people who would be a good match because they both enjoy corresponding by letter, so I don’t want Letter Date to disappear altogether. So again, why not simply make Letter Date unavailable to me?