When you're active in a dating club, you often realize that women—especially younger women—don't really understand men. For example, saying, “I'm cuter and have a better personality than her, so why didn't I get a present?” or thinking that men are satisfied as long as they have sex and orgasm. Maybe that's true if you leave out all the details, but there are times when you think, “No, that's not quite right,” aren't there?
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I'd love to hear about the assumptions women have made based on your experiences—things where you thought, “That's not how it is” or “That's a little different.”
I thought these relatable stories might be fun, so I decided to post the question. —Kazu
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I fully understand that money is naturally part of the arrangement. However, whenever I meet a PJ who puts her allowance front and center—or keeps talking about it—my feelings immediately cool off.
When we first negotiate, I do want her to clearly tell me the allowance she’s looking for. But once the money becomes too visible, and I start sensing that she’s focused on maximizing money and time efficiency, I lose interest right away.
The women I’ve been able to maintain long-term relationships with are either genuinely emotionally connected to me, or they may actually be thinking “money, money” deep down but know how to keep it wrapped in euphemisms and not show it—like the technique used by successful club hostesses: because they don’t make their focus on money obvious, they ultimately earn more.
Comment from Marika, one of the respondents:
That’s exactly what I want. It’s ideal!
While respecting the rules of an adult relationship (intimate), I want to earn her trust and have her open her heart to me as well. I want to be grateful to and respect my partner, and satisfy her intimately too. It’s a daily learning process.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Thank you for your question.
Yes, that happens a lot, doesn’t it?
Young women…
Young…
You…
Ah, well, young women usually go for young men, don’t they?
Young men are basically monkeys (lol).
As long as they can get off, they’re satisfied. (lol)
If that’s all they’ve ever known as partners,
I suppose it’s understandable.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
I gave it a lot of thought, but I couldn’t come up with even one. I guess I probably see things from a different perspective and stand in a different position than most of you.
You all seem to think of yourselves as interviewers, but I always see myself as the job applicant. If I want to land the offer, I’ll adapt to anything.
I’m sure there are plenty of moments when you think, “This isn’t quite right.” But an interviewer’s mistake is actually an opportunity for the applicant, so I deliberately respond gently and go along with it.
After dating for about six months and getting to know each other—and after she’s gotten to understand me to some extent—I imagine that one day, after our date, while she’s taking a bath alone at home, she’ll think:
“Come to think of it, I treated Flag Maker carelessly and was rude to him at the beginning, but he still treated me kindly. He was being considerate and accommodating toward me! Maybe I should be a little nicer to Flag Maker from now on♡”
（笑）
I enjoy setting up this kind of lead-in—raising a flag—so that’s why I call myself Flag Maker. Most of the flags never get paid off, though (^_^;)
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I’m in Seattle.
If you just want to have sex with an attractive woman, going to a brothel is cheaper, quicker, and easier.
I got tired of that a long time ago, so why do I use a dating club?
For me, it’s the feeling that she’s a real, ordinary woman. It’s enough if she pretends to be my girlfriend and acts as though we’re sharing a romantic connection. She doesn’t have to be perfect in terms of etiquette or service. I actually start to dislike it when someone uses flawless formal language all the time.
In that case, I could just use a dating app, but women aren’t interested in an old guy like me.
I have no desire to get married, so I rely on the club using the money I’ve saved over the years.
Women who call themselves good listeners but never bring up a topic themselves didn’t last. Conversation matters more to me than sex. If all she does is cover her mouth with her hand and smile, I feel like something’s missing.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
What I feel is that people are putting too much emphasis on looks. Appearance is very important, but it’s a little disappointing when there isn’t much beyond that.
I believe the most important thing is having substance—working on yourself—and letting that show in your appearance, but it seems like many people just don’t really understand that.
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I’m Taro, a male member. There’s a lot to unpack here.
First, there’s the assumption that “men are satisfied as long as they can put it in and move their hips.” That’s completely wrong. And when you end up trying to have H with no emotional connection or mood at all, then can’t get or maintain an erection, being looked at like, “I guess you’re getting old now,” is really irritating. It makes me want to say, “Come watch me with someone things are actually working out with.”
Also, I feel like a lot of women don’t really watch their partner’s reactions when they’re taking the lead. If it were a man, he’d observe very carefully and keep refining a tailor-made approach for that particular woman. But I get the impression that women often think that if they show off their own techniques, the other person will automatically feel good. I’ve never felt like anyone really took the time to understand me that deeply.
I also feel like a lot of women confuse putting up with something and having good manners. You do need to think carefully about how you say things, but you don’t have to endure something you dislike—and I don’t expect anyone to stay with me while putting up with it, either. Communication skills are probably part of the issue, but I often find it pretty frustrating. Maybe the girls who can just be naturally direct are actually the impressive ones.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male club member.
When I think, “Young women don’t really understand men,” there are actually two different kinds of not understanding.
Like in the previous question, the other girl’s casual lack of understanding—while being envied—was incredibly cute because it felt so natural.
But not understanding male psychology can be pretty brutal in the opposite direction.
Is it desire and calculation born from not knowing how stupid men can be…?
Personally, I think men and women are different creatures, and that the things we don’t understand about each other are what draw us together.
I often think about how, with the popular women at the club, the ones who seem perfect somehow don’t quite feel right. Maybe it’s because they seem too accustomed to the club, or too professional…
They never touch their phones during dinner, keep up a wonderful smile, make the conversation enjoyable, and look at you attentively. Then, when saying goodbye, they watch you until your car is out of sight, wave properly, and send a thank-you LINE soon afterward… It’s almost too perfect. The lack of naturalness makes me go, “Hmmmm…” Something just feels off.
On the other hand, once we’ve become close, some women get out of the car and simply walk away without turning around, and don’t always send a thank-you LINE that day. Somehow, that lack of calculation feels fresher to me.
Am I the only one who feels that way?
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Sorry for speaking from a woman’s perspective, but something I’ve felt men get wrong is this:
“You’re only after the money, right?” Or, “As long as you get sex, that’s all you need.”
Sorry, but I’d be happy if we connected emotionally, had a great sex life, and I received even a modest allowance.
I’m greedy—I want all of that, and I won’t settle for anything less.
Marika
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