What do you think this man’s intentions were?

I’m Tetsu, a male member. He’s probably trying to signal that he can’t offer any more allowance. He likely says the same thing to other women as well. Some men deliberately do things that look pathetic from the outside in an attempt to gain sympathy. They’re what you might call “high-maintenance.” Since he’s already a “person from your past,” it’s best to just think, “I guess people like that exist,” and leave it at that. Spending time thinking about someone from your past is a waste.

Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here—I’ll answer this one too. Thank you for your question. When a man is able to go to a hotel on the first date, he often mistakenly assumes that the woman has given him the green light. So he expects to be able to see her again. As a result, when she stops replying, many male members are left wondering, “Why did that happen?” In other words, they assume that if she really wasn’t interested, she would have refused the very first time. But they don’t realize that women may go along with it just once for various reasons—because it’s difficult to say no, because they feel sorry for the other person, and so on. Conversely, I think the men who get rejected on the first date either have serious issues, or happen to be dealing with a woman who is able to turn them down firmly. But I’m getting off track. In this case, the man thought that because they had an adult relationship (intimate) the first time, they would be able to meet again. He also knew that his allowance was low, but he thought she was a good woman who was willing to see him even for a low allowance. I think he wanted to explain that, emotionally, he would have liked to offer more, but… Ultimately, the fact that you agreed to see him made him happy. He was a good person who simply didn’t have much money. Try not to overthink it and look for someone who suits you better. P.S. I think what Mac said—“You should say ‘thank you’ and show your gratitude. If you can’t even do that, you’re finished as a person.”—is a good point. Gratitude is important. Once you’ve expressed your gratitude, deciding that the relationship is difficult and looking for someone else is simply a matter of compatibility, and there’s nothing unusual about that. (The idea that “Why should I be grateful when we’re equals?” assumes that the man is grateful too. If the other person is arrogant and shows no gratitude, I don’t think you need to thank him.)

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. Reading this, I felt like you were talking about me. I think I was much the same at first. I was turned down many times before I finally started seeing someone. There was also a huge age gap, and since I was already an old guy, I said something like, “If you’re okay with it, maybe we could keep seeing each other for a while.” I may have been kept as a backup, but after about three months, I somehow became the only one still continuing the relationship. Still, the monthly allowance was steady, and she was okay with asking for a little extra now and then. I figured, “Well, I’m an old grandpa, but I guess it’s fine!”—and before I knew it, we’re about to reach two years（笑） You never know how things will change. Having a backup is important. Also, you basically can’t be active at a dating club without money, so even if a man seems like one of the poorer members, I think it’s worth asking about and checking his cash flow, assets, and financial background if you can.

I’m a male member named Kazu. This is just speculation. As for why he brought up his annual income, perhaps you seemed bored, and he wanted to blame it on the amount of the allowance. Rather than admit that he was a boring conversationalist or bad at sex, blaming it on the allowance or his income would have been less hurtful to his ego. In other words, although it may have looked like an excuse directed at you, it was actually an excuse he was making to himself. Income is determined by factors outside one’s inner qualities, whereas being good at conversation or sex reflects who you are. Someone can have a high income despite having a bad personality or being bad at sex. The reason he started making excuses to himself may be that you seemed bored. In other words, you weren’t able to give him the experience of feeling that it had been worthwhile for him to pay an allowance just to spend time with you. That may have been due to a lack of effort on your part, a lack of effort on his part, or simply a matter of personal compatibility.

I’m Meg, one of the female members. Well, I can understand feeling that way if he’s not very good in bed… but I can’t help wondering if it’s really necessary to be so harsh. My papa (a male supporter) also always gives me my allowance while saying, “I’m sorry this is all I can give you.” When I think about how a man with a position and pride must feel saying something like that, I’m afraid I just can’t see things the way you do. Sorry. > Sencho♪ > What a gentleman! > I’m swooning!

I’m a male member, Basil. That man probably got the wrong idea and thought: “The person asking this question likes me. Even though I don’t have much money, she sees me as someone special and has been as considerate as possible. She wants an emotional connection, not just something physical, so I should stop putting on airs and open up to her honestly.”

I’m Taro, a male member. He wasn’t trying to act cool. It wasn’t cool at all—anyone could see that. I think the allowance was probably lower than what that man considered the going rate. Even so, you accepted it, so maybe that’s why he said those things. He probably realized that both the conversation and your chemistry in bed weren’t great. But from his perspective, finding another candidate and making another offer would cost him more money. There was clearly a reason he offered to meet you in the first place, and maybe you simply hadn’t gotten that far after the first meeting. So perhaps he said something he didn’t really mean. “Something he didn’t really mean” isn’t quite the right way to put it. More accurately, he thought you seemed promising and made the offer for that reason. Even if meeting you in person left a mediocre impression, men sometimes can’t completely let go of the expectations they had when they made the offer. I understand why someone in your position would see it the way you described it, and honestly, I’ve often heard similar stories from female members about “that weird guy they met before.” I think that interpretation is sometimes correct, but there may also be cases where it isn’t, which is why I wanted to say this. When I first started using my dating club, I did something similar myself. I’m truly sorry—but not to you, to that woman（笑） And this may ruin the whole thing, but even if you meet him again, it probably won’t go any further. In my case, I don’t know whether I handled the conversation exceptionally well or whether the woman was simply very generous, but I was able to meet her one more time. As for how I felt after the second meeting, I didn’t want to see her again after that. Selfish, right? But she didn’t reach out either, so in a way, I think it ended with both of us accepting the outcome. As I mentioned in another answer, people usually decide fairly quickly whether someone is their type. If you’ve already shared intimacy and still felt that something was off, then it’s probably the same for both of you. So, to sum up, I think the current situation is just the man clinging to his lingering feelings. In other words, you’ve “found a man who’ll be intimate with you and give you an allowance, even if you don’t know how long it’ll last.” He’s definitely not the person you’re waiting for. That said, he does seem willing to pay. So if the emotional and physical cost of seeing him is worth it compared with the allowance, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to keep seeing him as a temporary arrangement.

I’m Hikoukik from the men’s membership side. I’m not sure whether a staff member would actually say something like that, but since there’s no need to disclose your annual income when joining in the first place, it seems unlikely he would bring it up deliberately. Maybe, as you sensed, he felt there wouldn’t be a next time, so he didn’t bother putting on airs and basically told you, “If you’re okay with that,” since he had no intention of meeting again anyway. If he really didn’t want to see you again, he could simply make up some reason—such as the impact of COVID—and say something that would make you give up, then stop meeting you. Or maybe he’s just an inexperienced idiot. If he liked you, felt you were compatible, and was thoroughly satisfied, he’d probably try to look at least somewhat impressive, as you said, and handle things smoothly so there could be a next time. > “I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” Even if a man found the date incredibly boring, he’d still act like he was having fun during the date and say he was looking forward to the next one before saying goodbye. Even if he had no intention of meeting again, he’d still message you afterward saying, “See you again!” or “Take care!”