While corresponding with a female member on a B-type letter date,
I told her that my usual terms are 1 for dinner and 5 for an adult relationship (intimate).
She said 5 was fine for the adult relationship, but she wanted 2 for dinner.
When I suggested, “We wouldn’t be going out for dinner that many times anyway, so if I’m going to raise the amount, shall I raise the allowance for the adult relationship instead?” she stopped responding.
Was she actually a dinner-only woman pretending to be B-type,
or was there some hidden reason I can’t imagine? I’d appreciate the insight of those with more experience.
Actually, I usually only make offers to B- and C-type women, so this was my first time negotiating the price for the dinner portion, and I was pretty surprised.
Thank you for your question.
I wasn’t included among the designated respondents, but I really wanted to say something, so I’m answering anyway. I’m Kida, the club director.
A member contacted us saying, “Is Maezawa’s answer really okay? I feel kind of sorry for the person who asked the question.” I read it myself and felt the same way.
Just as the questioner suspected, I think she was pretending to be a dinner-only woman—a “dinner-only” type in disguise.
After all, the questioner kindly asked, “Would you like to move on to an adult relationship (intimate)?” If it were me, I’d be thrilled.
“Seriously? Really? Yes, please!!! I’m actually pretty good at it, you know!”
That should have been her reaction.
And instead, she completely stopped responding? What else would you call a dinner-only woman if not that?
She could easily have managed three meals’ worth of allowance.
From the woman’s perspective, it was probably:
“Intimacy? No wayyy. Even dinner is kind of a stretch. I could just barely do dinner for ¥20,000.”
You’re better off not dealing with a salmon-tea-rice woman like that. Just let her slide right down.
Because seriously, ¥20,000 for dinner? What is she—the Emperor? Is she some kind of deity who deserves offerings?
This kind of exchange isn’t okay. Report her to the club staff.
Tell them, “The director said to report the salmon-tea-rice woman, so I’m doing exactly that.”
Whether the ST fee can be canceled depends on the case-by-case ochazuke, but in any event, that woman is no good.
Even if the woman were on the level of the Virgin Mary, the Universe’s rule is ¥5,000–¥10,000.
I dislike anyone—man, woman, or even a deity—trying to negotiate outside the rules over the transportation allowance.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
That’s a good question.
Are you wondering whether she’s a Type B dinner-only woman? (笑)
I’ve had a hard time with Type B women because I’m an older man and was inexperienced with dating arrangements.
I do wish women would be more straightforward, too. Since this is a conversation within a dating club, I’d appreciate it if they would communicate based on the relationship type they selected.
Is it okay?
Is it not okay?
What do you want to do?
If they tell me, I can respond with, “Oh, is that how it is?” or “Then shall we do this instead?” and take the next step. But when they say nothing, I have to overthink everything, which gets exhausting. (笑)
Of course, if you say that’s part of the fun, then I suppose that’s that…
> A hidden reason you could never imagine
It’s not a song, but I think she’s simply being “a sneaky woman.”
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Even if she’s a “fake B-type” dinner-only girl, we’re the kind of “Universe men” who can open the hearts of women like that, right?!
We Universe men are equipped to handle all types. Let’s set ourselves apart from the other dating clubs.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Thanks for your question.
> So was she actually a dinner-only woman pretending to be Type B?
There it is again: when someone gets rejected, instead of reflecting on themselves, they immediately jump to the conclusion that the other person was at fault.
And then it turns into the classic “she lied about her dating type” theory.
There were probably other exchanges besides what you’ve posted here, so it’s impossible to make a definitive judgment without seeing the full conversation. But based on what you’ve shared, the woman’s requested terms were dinner twice plus an adult relationship five times—for a total of seven.
If you didn’t understand that, it seems perfectly normal for her to decide that continuing to communicate with you would be pointless and stop replying.
Also, the line:
> “I’m not going to go out for dinner that many times.”
may have made her think:
“Does he expect to go straight to a hotel?”
“He won’t even take me out for dinner?”
“I’m not a sex worker.”
If you had been talking face-to-face, you might have noticed something was off from her expression or reaction. But if you’re casually assuming that letter dating is better because the offer fee is cheaper, you’ve got it backwards.
Letter dating is more difficult.
Thinking, “I’m better at writing,” or “I’ll play hard to get until she says she wants to meet”—though sometimes neither person says anything and it just ends that way—will only make things harder than meeting in person.
Since the woman hasn’t met you yet, she doesn’t have to force herself to accept terms she isn’t comfortable with. So the moment you start discussing the terms, situations like this can easily happen.
You need to understand that letter dating is much closer to a matching app or a dating site. Otherwise, you’ll end up with the same result again.
You didn’t fail. Don’t call it a mistake. Tell yourself that you learned something.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
This reminded me once again that situations like this can happen with letter dates. I believe the reason she stopped responding was different from what you think.
Putting myself in the woman’s position, I can imagine she felt that although you were discussing the allowance for dinner, the conversation was suddenly shifted to an adult relationship (intimate). When someone doesn’t give a clear answer to a question, it can come across as unclear or evasive.
And since the subject it was shifted to was an adult relationship (intimate), she may have assumed you were only interested in her physically, which likely made her impression of you even worse.
This isn’t limited to dating clubs. Emails are convenient, but they can make it difficult to convey your true intentions. Even at work, it’s common to receive no clear answer to a question, ask the same thing repeatedly, and eventually call to confirm. Every time that happens, you think, “What a hassle.” If possible, people would rather not deal with someone who’s such a hassle. At work, you see things through to the end, but with a dating club… well, you get the idea.
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I’m a male member named Basil.
You wanted to have dinner together a few times and take your time before moving forward, but felt that one allowance during that period would be too little. She may have disliked you for coming across as overly eager and focused only on an adult relationship before even meeting.
Things might have gone smoothly if you’d met and talked in person.
Of course, she could also be a fake B-type who only wants dinner dates. Either way, it’s lucky you found out about the mismatch before getting too involved. Stay positive and move on to someone else.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If she’s a B-type on Letter Date, there’s no need to discuss the allowance before meeting.
The woman you’re talking to is more of a C-leaning B-type, so you were able to discuss the allowance. But with a true B-type—or a B-type leaning toward A—you might never get to meet her at all.
Some B-type women also lament that once they enter an adult relationship (intimate), it becomes expected every time. So it’s best not to come on too strong and to maintain a relaxed attitude.
The real test of whether someone is a genuine B-type is whether she can state her allowance for an adult relationship (intimate).
Actually, a B-type is someone who can’t even imagine stating an allowance—not even for dinner only (no intimacy).
That said, don’t forget that even if she can’t give you an amount, she still has a standard in mind. And be careful: if she’s a money-focused woman, she may say she doesn’t know while privately thinking, “It has to be at least ___ for dinner…”
Also, if you haven’t even met yet—or seen her level of cleanliness, appearance, or body type—and you keep pressing her with “adult relationship, adult relationship, hotel, hotel,” wouldn’t that feel to her like a woman pressuring a man by repeatedly saying, “I’m dinner only, dinner only, dinner only…”?
One important point about Letter Date is to naturally suggest possible dates early on, preferably that same day. That way, the appointment can often be arranged within the day you make the offer.
Sometimes the meeting is set just a few hours after the offer, making it much faster than arranging things through staff. Once staff receive an offer from a man, he doesn’t need to send any further reply, so make your offer in a way that allows things to proceed smoothly.
So, if you keep wasting time on unpleasant or uncomfortable exchanges without even deciding when to meet, the conversation won’t develop. I think it’s better to bring up the meeting date, look forward to it together, and keep the conversation lively.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
When the questioner said “dinner,” they may have meant dinner only, while the woman meant the allowance for the dinner portion—so if they went on to have an adult relationship afterward, the total would be six.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Saying, “I’m not going to go out for dinner that many times,” is rude, isn’t it? Even if that’s what you think, you should keep it to yourself and simply consider whether you’re okay with two dinners before replying.
I was surprised that the person asking didn’t understand why.
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