Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Thanks for your question.
Since we’re currently dealing with COVID, most restaurants are fairly quiet, so I think you’d be fine even without a private room as long as you speak softly.
You don’t necessarily need a fully private room, either. A semi-private space with just a little partitioning should work, so I’d recommend looking for a place like that in advance.
> If there’s a chance someone might overhear us, what should we do?
You could use short phrases while walking after leaving the restaurant, or when you’re in an elevator.
However, if you’re counting on talking in the elevator, the doors might open and you could suddenly see other people waiting to get on. I recommend thinking through various possibilities in advance.
If, for some reason, the place is crowded everywhere and you can’t talk privately, you could simply say:
“Would 8 work for you?” (The number represents the allowance you’re hoping for.)
If they agree, you can head to the room.
That approach should work too.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
French restaurants can be difficult places to talk, since the waitstaff are often nearby.
When I’m on a first date with a woman who wants French cuisine, I usually bring up the relationship around dessert by saying, “Would it be all right if we discussed the arrangement after we leave the restaurant?” Once she agrees, we pay the bill and step outside. Then, while walking slowly, I say, “I’d like to go to a hotel with you. Do you have a preferred allowance?” If we reach an agreement, I say, “In that case, let’s take a taxi to the hotel,” and flag one down.
If the restaurant is in the same building as the hotel, the staff may even see us off as far as the elevator lobby, especially at a French restaurant, so I discuss it in the elevator. Normally, it takes less than a minute. If not in the elevator, any quiet, relatively empty elevator lobby should work as well. With Type C women, I check into the hotel in advance, so if we reach an agreement in the elevator, we can go straight to the floor with the room I’ve already checked into. That feels more polished to me, since the woman doesn’t have to wait around in the hotel lobby while I check in. (Of course, there’s always the risk that if she decides not to take things further, I’ll have to return to the room alone.)
As long as you agree on the most important point—the allowance—the woman can feel reassured. You can discuss the finer details slowly and privately once you’re in the room.
This may be unsolicited advice, but I recommend handing over the allowance upfront as soon as you enter the room. From the woman’s perspective, you’re still a man she barely knows after having only shared one meal, and she has no way of knowing whether you’ll keep your promise. Agreeing on the allowance before heading to the hotel and handing it over upon entering the room—just these two basic courtesies—can make her feel that you’re a good person, even if only a little.
Many women have thanked me for paying upfront on a first date. I also often hear ongoing complaints from women about men who avoid clearly discussing the allowance or who pay afterward.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If there isn’t a chance to talk at the restaurant, you’ll end up chatting while walking to the next location after leaving, just as you mentioned.
If you choose a nearby French restaurant in a separate building from the hotel, you should be able to talk naturally during the walk.
Also, if she’s a Type C woman who has been on multiple dates, she probably has her preferred allowance and standards. Depending on how much she likes you after meeting, you’ll be able to decide whether to decline if the amount is too high or accept her requested amount.
In the former case, you can discuss not only the relationship but also the amount before reaching the hotel—and possibly part ways there. In the latter case, you can discuss the amount after arriving at the hotel, or even after leaving it.
If you like her as in the latter case, talking while sitting on the sofa at the hotel allows you to hear about her feelings and thoughts, rather than making it a simple negotiation over money.
And if you’ve developed a good relationship and the mood is right, you can stay close together on the bed and express your feelings fully, making it less of a negotiation and more of a heartfelt conversation.
In any case, how you negotiate and communicate will depend on your impression of her, the atmosphere and chemistry between you, how things develop, and ultimately how much you’re enjoying the experience.
