I’m just an ordinary female member. I enjoy reading the anonymous Q&A box. This will be a long one.

I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer as well. Thank you for your question. > I worry that getting up to take a shower right away might be a turnoff... I think most people would be put off if you immediately got up to shower. That’s because the man may assume that you only wanted the intimate part, get your allowance, and leave as soon as possible. However, if you’re not actually trying to leave right away and can still have some pillow talk after your shower, then I think it would be fine to tell him beforehand, something like: “For hygiene reasons, I’d like to shower right after intimacy from now on, since not washing right away can sometimes lead to things like cystitis.” The important thing is to bring it up before intimacy. Most men have spent their lives in a contract-oriented society, so if you tell them in advance, they may not have any issue with it. And if they feel they can’t agree, they may suggest an alternative. That’s fairly normal in society. If you bring it up afterward, I don’t know whether they’ll say anything, but they may feel disappointed, see it as breaking the terms of the arrangement, or lower their opinion of you considerably. Also, it’s better not to discuss this over LINE when you’re apart, since the nuances may not come across properly. So I think the best timing would be before intimacy—or right after entering the room. You may not want anything to change from how things have been so far, no matter when you bring it up, but it’s not good to put up with too much. I think it’s best to have an honest conversation. > Honestly, I also dislike being asked so much about my other private matters and my sex life with other men. I imagine he asks because it bothers him and he can’t help wondering about it. You might casually say something like, “There aren’t any other men. The past is the past, and I’d rather focus only on the present.” > I assume it takes him some time before he can go for a second round, but if that’s the case, he shouldn’t insist on doing it twice. Even so, I think he’s someone who wants to do it twice. He probably needs about 30 minutes to recover. It would be nice if you could watch a video together to pass the time. Maybe you could try finding something suitable to watch. Alternatively, as Sakura suggested, you could pretend to fall asleep. But if you simply went to sleep, that would make sense; if you showered first and then went to sleep, he might wonder, “Why?” For example, if you usually spend about an hour together, once 30 minutes have passed, you could take the initiative yourself. That might reduce the pillow-talk time afterward by 30 minutes. Something like: First round → shower → watch a video? → you take the initiative → second round → shower → pillow talk while still naked → get dressed and leave might work as well. However, he probably has his own pace and preferences, so changing the routine may be difficult. Still, do your best.

I’m in Seattle. If you keep putting up with it, you might end up hating men. I think it’s better to bring it up gently and indirectly. If you find another good guy who can take care of it in one meeting, switch to him.

I’m Taro, a male member. I read your question carefully, although I was already pretty drunk, and I think this may be a difficult situation in terms of finding the right distance. It’s not a businesslike, long-term arrangement, but it’s not the close-distance situation of “I’ve fallen for my papa” either. You’re somewhere in between, so I think this will test your ability to communicate clearly about both the good and bad points and build a comfortable relationship. First, the shower. As Paper Airplane mentioned, it does come across badly at face value. It’s more or less what happens when you pay for sex abroad. But in those cases, the person usually gets ready to leave after showering. If she just wanted to wash up, then came back naked afterward and acted affectionate, that might change the impression. The time restriction is a little tricky. If he takes it as you wanting to shorten the time you spend together with men and improve efficiency, that could be awkward, especially since I don’t think that’s your intention. You should give it a reasonable explanation—perhaps say you’re worried about catching the last train. If you’re actually fine with spending longer together, though, there may not be much reason to impose a limit. There could be various reasons he wants a second round, so it’s probably best to handle it carefully. Maybe he simply has a strong sex drive, is greedy about getting more value per meeting, or is worried about declining libido with age and is clinging to the fact that he can still manage a second round as a source of hope. As for how to resolve it, I think quality is more important than quantity—a fulfilling one time is better than two mediocre times—but you should communicate with him thoughtfully. The subject of relationships with other men is also a little delicate. He may be asking out of jealousy, or he may simply find it interesting. To be safe, I think you should decline by framing it from your own perspective, something like: “I only want to think about you, so I’d rather not talk about other men.” Unless you genuinely fell asleep because things were extremely intense, stop pretending to be asleep. He’ll notice. You should assume that you’re being observed in much greater detail than you realize. Not in a strange way—when two people have a deep relationship, that’s just how things tend to be.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I don’t think I lack affection or sincerity toward men. I’m the type who wants to take a shower right away, and I’m satisfied after one time, so honestly, I don’t understand how that man feels. There is a risk of upsetting him, but since you’ve found it difficult to bring up, why not tell him that you’d like to shower afterward because you’re worried about getting a urinary tract infection? I understand why you end up asking about other men, because I do the same thing. We rarely get opportunities to hear about what sex is really like between men and women, so it’s incredibly interesting and I can’t help asking. In my case, it’s not that I’m interested in the other men themselves—I’m curious about what kind of sex other people have. As for wanting to go a second time, I’m satisfied after once, so I can’t really relate and can only speculate, but I get the feeling that finishing twice is important to men who want a second time. It’s hard to find a perfect match. If, at this point, you still want to continue seeing this man, I think you’ll need to compromise as well. Rather than trying to eliminate all of your dissatisfaction, it’s important to give a little on the things you can compromise on, and politely ask him to compromise on the things you can’t, explaining that this is how you feel. It had been so long that I’d forgotten, but I suddenly remembered and wanted to add this. I’m the type who becomes completely clear-headed after finishing once and doesn’t want a second time, but on very rare occasions, there are women who can get me to go twice. It happens when a woman knows exactly how to take the lead, and I feel that women like that should be treasured. So perhaps going twice really is important after all.

I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane. > I worry that getting up to shower right away might kill the mood... (We’ve only met a few times, but until now I always talked with him for a while first. I don’t want him to think I’ve gotten used to things and am being careless.) I’m sorry, but yes—it does kill the mood. It would honestly be quite upsetting. The pleasant afterglow would disappear. > Then maybe I don’t need to do it twice. I find myself wondering whether I wasn’t able to satisfy him enough the first time. You may not be fully satisfied. If you’re going to spend that much time on pillow talk and a second round, I think you should try to make the first round more fulfilling and end on a more satisfying note. Also, if you start pillow talk right away, it could give the impression that the woman wasn’t very satisfied, while also setting the stage for a second round. You might want to consider that as well. > I’d like to continue seeing this man. What should I do? I think you should talk to him about what’s bothering you. Once you explain it, you’ll probably find it’s something the two of you can easily work out. If you can’t talk to him about it, I think it would be better to look for someone else. You can’t keep putting up with something indefinitely.