He often asks me to send photos. He requests pictures of me in my regular clothes, pajamas, and underwear, so I’ve been sending them, but I’ve already shown him pretty much everything… I’m thinking of buying some new clothes, but what kind of outfits do you think he’d find cute?
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At the same time, though, could this be considered revenge porn?!
I’m Karasaki, a staff member at Universe Club Tokyo, and I’d like to answer as well.
If there’s even the slightest concern that the other person might engage in revenge porn, I think it’s best not to send them any photos.
Once you send a photo, it can drift through the vast ocean of the internet forever. Even if you send a photo of yourself in regular clothes, thinking it should be fine as long as you’re not in underwear or naked, personal information can still be identified from things captured in the background.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
> What kind of outfit do you think he’d find cute?
It depends on the man’s preferences, so when he asks you to send a photo, you could ask him what kind of outfit he’d like you to wear.
Actually, it might be a good idea to have him buy you something that matches his tastes.
(Since it’s for the photo, it would be 100% his preferred style—but if you say it’s just for the photo, you won’t have to wear something you’d normally feel too embarrassed to wear. I don’t think that would be a problem.)
> Could this be a form of revenge porn?!
If the photos are of you in lingerie or nude, then that possibility does exist.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
My partner also sometimes sends me photos, even though I’ve never asked her to. I feel I should live up to that trust, and that’s why I continue seeing her.
As for the clothes, if your partner is asking you to send photos, why not have her buy them for you? If you started by asking something like, “What kind of styles do you like?” I’d be happy to make both the request and the payment.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
If you’re worried about revenge porn, you shouldn’t send anything in the first place. Once you send it, you can’t take it back. This applies to life in general: it’s fine to go ahead with things you can undo, but you need to think carefully before doing anything irreversible.
If you still want to continue, maybe think of it like posting OOTD content on Instagram. Make about 70% of it the kind of style your partner seems likely to respond well to—the posts that get lots of likes—and use the remaining 30% for things you personally want to show. Start by thinking from their perspective. Familiar, classic choices are important, but playing it too safe can get monotonous, so take a few calculated risks. I think finding that balance is where the real skill lies.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
It takes courage to send photos to your papa. It’s fine while you’re seeing each other, but if things end, those photos could potentially cause trouble.
Since you’ve already shown him everything, why not ask your papa to buy you something new? You could simply tell him that you’ve already shown him everything and have nothing left to show.
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I’m in Seattle.
Whether it counts as revenge porn depends on the nature of the relationship. If they seem suspicious, don’t send any compromising photos.
I think they just want to see cute you, so anything is fine. No need to spend money—just wear something funny.
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