The man I see regularly refuses to shower before we get intimate.
He says, “I’m the type who showers in the morning, so I already showered earlier! I’m not going to shower, so you go take one!”
How should I deal with a man who absolutely refuses to shower and seems incapable of showing consideration for his partner?
Honestly, it makes me feel like I want to give him an STI.
I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer too.
Thanks for your question.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the word “bath,” right? Even asking him to take a shower doesn’t work?
Maybe he’s just afraid his wife will find out. Would even saying, “Please, just wash down there,” not work?
Or perhaps he has tattoos and is trying to keep them from being discovered? That would be a little scary, though.
If he absolutely refuses, I think you should just end things. Forcing yourself to stay involved will only damage your mental health.
I think you’d be better off looking for a more normal man.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Do you take separate baths or showers after intimacy, too?
If so, they’re probably setting up a camera or something while you’re in the bathroom. There’s both the setup and the removal afterward, which is why they have you bathe alone.
If she says, “Let’s take a bath together♡,” I can only think, “Ah, she suspects I might set up a camera or something. She’s inviting me in to prevent any trouble.” So rather than being happy to join her, I’d simply follow her instructions without question. Maybe I’m just too negative-minded, though（笑）。
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I find the logic of “I’m angry” → “I want to give him an STI” pretty amusing. If you actually had an STI you could transmit at will, that would be quite a superpower（笑）
As for your question, I’m curious about the man’s motivation. I think the solution would depend on that.
If he’s the type who wants to maximize the time you spend together, suggesting that you bathe together might work.
If he really did shower that morning and simply has no awareness of the issue, you could say something like, “...! Sorry, but there’s a smell,” at the very beginning of things. That might make him panic and take care of it.
If he’s deliberately doing it, as Kazu-san is worried about, you’ve probably already noticed from the smell. In that case, your options are probably either to stop seeing him or negotiate the terms directly.
If it’s none of those, there may be something darker going on. For example, maybe he has hidden-camera equipment in his bag and is worried you’ll notice it while he’s in the bath.
I hope this gets resolved without incident and you won’t have to give anyone an STI.
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
That’s really unpleasant.
“Women only”? That’s incredibly rude… Unbelievable…
Sometimes, we get carried away when we’re about to take a bath and end up not taking one at all—but never just one of us.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’ve heard a similar story from a woman before. No matter how many times they met, he would always say, “I just took a shower, so you go ahead and take one.”
I don’t know what happened afterward, but when I heard the story, I thought he might be the type of man who likes “immediate oral”—a service at delivery health establishments where the woman performs oral sex as soon as she enters the room, without showering together first. It’s not that he lacks consideration; I think he’s imposing that particular fetish on her.
I believe he’s doing it deliberately, so unless you firmly tell him you won’t do anything unless he showers, he probably won’t. Of course, there’s a risk of an argument, so think carefully before deciding.
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