When you’re dating someone and giving her an allowance, it somehow doesn’t feel like love.

I’m in my 60s and still trying to figure things out. Based on my experience, I can say that there have been women who genuinely pursued a relationship under those circumstances, but I think they’re extremely rare. For men who register with a club, providing support—and for women, receiving it—is the basic premise. So when someone says, “There aren’t any,” it simply means they haven’t met that kind of person.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. When it comes to club activities, I don’t think there are any women who would agree to an arrangement like that right from the start. Women participate on the understanding that they’ll receive an allowance. Naturally, after meeting several times and developing romantic feelings, the relationship may progress in that direction. However, if you can’t feel love through your club activities, then perhaps the woman you’re seeing won’t develop romantic feelings for you either.

Seattle. If you look like an actor, you might have a shot.

I’m Kazu, a male member. So you can’t feel loved unless a woman lets you sleep with her without an allowance. That’s something you should have sought when you were around the same age as women in their prime, with the assumption that you’d support your partner for the rest of her life. If you’re single and in your twenties or thirties, try meeting people through group dates or work hard at a marriage agency. Even if that doesn’t apply to you, I’d still recommend going to a marriage agency if you’re single. There are couples who get married in their fifties or sixties. If you’re married, you should either get divorced and become single, or have sex with your spouse. If you’re a married man of a certain age who wants intimacy with a young woman without paying her directly, you might get lucky if you spend generously at a hostess club—she may even offer you an off-the-books arrangement.

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. I’ve had relationships that started this way and eventually turned into ones where I stopped giving an allowance—or she stopped accepting it. But what do you think happens then? In the end, you can no longer have ○ックス on your terms. Before long, you find yourself thinking, “I’ll give you an allowance, so please let me ○ックス you (sob),” but by then it’s already too late. You can’t go back to the original allowance-based arrangement. The excitement only lasts for a moment. In my experience, a convenient relationship without an allowance ends almost instantly. So, in the end, both sides are more or less at fault. Also, if you don’t feel any affection even while giving her an allowance, then removing the allowance won’t create any “love” that wasn’t there to begin with. My advice is to keep giving her an allowance while treating her with genuine hospitality, so that she eventually says, “I can’t accept an allowance from you anymore.”

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. Thank you for your question. You’re looking for a romantic partner, correct? If so, dating clubs aren’t the right place, since their purpose is different. You should look elsewhere—somewhere that matches what you’re looking for. You should also seek out people who are looking for a romantic relationship. And if talking about love means you’re ultimately hoping to get married, registering with a matchmaking agency and looking for someone there could be a good option as well. That said, even when looking for a marriage partner, I believe assets and annual income are important factors. > Is it possible to date without an allowance? Basically, no. Come to think of it, there was also a male member who seemed to have that kind of mindset. Even after women complained about him, he would say things like, “That wasn’t what I intended. I’ll make sure to do things properly from next time,” and managed to avoid being forced to leave. Was that you, by any chance? It causes trouble for women, so if that’s your attitude, I think you’d be better off looking elsewhere.

I’m Kamihikōki, a male member. A man’s goal is love. A woman’s goal is an allowance. Even in a barter exchange, it won’t work unless you give the other person what they want. In this case, it becomes “love” with an allowance. And besides, since a club is still a place where men and women meet, wouldn’t a woman be happy to keep receiving an allowance from someone irreplaceable—someone she’d want to see even without one? And for a man, wouldn’t spending time with someone irreplaceable—someone he wants to keep supporting—be a source of joy?

I’m Taro, a male member. I don’t think women like the one you’re asking about exist. From a woman’s perspective, you’re essentially asking for “a woman who will sleep with a man she’s never even met, on the assumption that she’ll fall for him, and do it for free.” I’m not saying your ideal situation never happens, but the first condition is that she has to become genuinely very fond of you. And that doesn’t happen automatically. You have to give it your all first. If you approach her halfheartedly, like you’re browsing girls at a hostess club, it won’t make an impression. Neither will a man who starts off by saying he won’t pay an allowance and only talks about what suits him. That said, I understand how you feel. I was the same way. Actually, I still am. I don’t have transactional relationships even now. I have to develop genuine feelings for the other person, and it only continues if she responds in kind. Until then, though, I follow all the rules and manners perfectly. If you don’t like that, you shouldn’t use a dating club. You might as well try chatting up a Starbucks barista. Honestly, if your goal is to build the kind of relationship you’re hoping for, a girl at Starbucks would probably be easier to win over. This question will probably attract a lot of harsh, inflammatory responses, so let me add a small note of support. When you’re still saying idealistic, slightly naïve things like the questioner, that’s when you’re at your best. The more rounds you go through and the more you understand how things work, the lower your batting average becomes. Maybe that foolish passion that comes from not understanding the world is what resonates with girls. Ah, youth. So, to the questioner: I hope you’ll ignore all the criticism, take only the parts that work in your favor, and enjoy your youth to the fullest with your inner adolescent running wild. But please follow the rules and manners. That’s a separate matter entirely. P.S. Sakura gave a great answer. Read it carefully—make sure you understand what’s between the lines, too. It’s practically worth printing out and pinning above your desk. Some of it may be something you won’t truly understand until six months from now. What I really want you to understand is how much anxiety and suspicion the woman had to overcome before registering, how much she expects from you after accepting your offer, and that, on top of all that, your character as a man is being tested. “I’m paying, so…” is the biggest trap for men using dating clubs.