I’m a 33-year-old man. I’m dating and living with a woman 10 years younger than me, with marriage in mind.
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I love her and want to stay together, but now that we’ve been living together for three months (and dating for six), I’ve stopped feeling sexually attracted to her, and I’m struggling with it.
It’s not that I have no sex drive—in fact, I often find myself wanting to be with women in their twenties through a dating club or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
For those of you who are married, how do you deal with this?
Is this just how it is?
I’m Taro, a male member.
It sounds like one of those stories about someone who developed ED from watching too much porn.
You should probably take a break from the dating club. I’m sure you’ll get back to normal after two or three months.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
I understand how she feels, too. Once you start living together, you can’t keep dreaming forever.
You have to deal with practical matters, and above all, compromise on things like your daily routines and lifestyles.
If that’s what’s causing the lack of intimacy, perhaps it would be better to stop living together for a while.
I feel that spending some time apart may help you see what you truly want.
You do need to talk it through.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
There are apparently many couples who are “sexless.” Sex isn’t everything. If you love her and want to stay together, I think it can still work.
That said, while sex isn’t everything, it is still an important part of a relationship. If things have already become this way after only about three months, there’s a possibility the relationship may remain sexless going forward.
You need to discuss together whether you’re truly okay with that.
Most people probably wouldn’t be satisfied with that arrangement, so I also feel that it might be better to break up.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
That’s just how it is. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Feelings come in waves, so there’ll be times when you want to do it again. As long as you treat your girlfriend well, you’ll be fine.
That said, if you’re thinking about getting married, you should quit before you get caught and end up hurt. Is your security really airtight? Are you sure? That’s what I’m more worried about.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’m having a hard time understanding this from my own perspective, though I suppose there are men who feel that way.
I’m married, but my wife became unavailable, so I started using a dating club…
How about distancing yourself from women in their twenties through dating clubs or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
It would be the complete opposite of what I do, but I think it might be best to focus on just one woman you live with.
P.S.
Ah! Is that what Mac was getting at?
If so, I suppose it can’t be helped.
You may have no choice but to have a serious conversation with her. What does she think? What does she want? I think all you can do is tell her what you want.
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Huh??
Wait...
Is this about me?
Did I write this?
That’s what I briefly thought… I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who was living with a 20-year-old at the time.
Let’s cherish those memories and look forward to new encounters.
They’re wonderful, happy memories.
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I’m in Seattle.
If you move in together, that’s probably what will happen. And once the sexlessness starts, it’ll never come back.
You may be fine with it, but how does the woman feel? Men can have sex with anyone, but women only have sex for free with someone they truly like.
If she’s suffering from a sexless relationship, don’t get married. Break up immediately. Even if you do get married, you’ll eventually end up divorcing because of you.
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