After reading Mac’s answer to the previous question, I have a question. I also live in an apartment my papa (a male supporter) rents for me, but he doesn’t buy Shine Muscat grapes and bring them to me. He does sometimes give me snacks he received as year-end gifts but doesn’t eat, but he never goes out of his way to buy something for me and deliver it. He does bring lots of toys and cosplay outfits, though. I’m so jealous… If he did things like that, I feel like I could treat him with more love. He just comes over and leaves whenever he wants to, and I’m nothing more than a sex slave to him.
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Men show their love through their actions, after all.
Am I not loved?
How can I stop feeling so down when I compare myself to others? How can I overcome my own narrow-mindedness and continue living here?
Thank you in advance.
I’m Taro, a male member.
If you’re unhappy, why not try acting a little sulky?
I think you end up feeling like a sex slave because you play the role of the “convenient woman” in this kind of mistress arrangement.
Of course, there are risks, so ultimately, it’s your decision.
As an easy solution, you could get a dog—like a Chihuahua.
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I’m Meg, one of the female members.
I really understand how you feel.
Listening to what Mac has to say, it’s only natural that you’d feel envious. You can’t help thinking, “There are supporters who go out of their way for someone like that…” Comparing yourself can make you feel that way.
(I’m jealous too! LOL)
But don’t worry. From what I can see, you’re loved plenty as well.
The part that concerns me is where you say, “I’m nothing more than a sex slave who he comes to see and leaves whenever he wants.”
If you feel that way, wouldn’t even the things your papa does with good intentions start to bother you? Maybe I’m mistaken, but I wonder if you really want to be intimate that much either.
Your papa seems to like you, so I suppose what matters now is how your own feelings develop.
I’m writing this hoping you haven’t lost the desire to make your papa happy, even just a little.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
> He doesn’t buy Shine Muscat grapes and bring them to me.
If you want to eat Shine Muscat grapes, you need to say so. Men generally won’t know otherwise. I think you should keep telling him, assuming that 70% of men simply won’t pick up on things like that.
And saying it just once isn’t enough. Every time you see him, keep saying things like, “I want to eat Shine Muscat grapes,” “I want to eat Amaou strawberries,” or “I want to eat melon.”
Also, if he didn’t care about you, he’d tell you to move out of the apartment or that he couldn’t give you any more money.
> Does that mean he doesn’t love me?
It is a financial relationship, but that doesn’t mean he’d be with just anyone. He still likes you, which is why you’re living there and he continues to come see you.
At the very least, I think he cares about you enough to want to see you.
> How can I overcome my narrow-mindedness and stop feeling depressed when I compare myself to others, so I can continue living here?
I think it would be perfectly fine to say something like:
“Buy me fruit like Mac-san does.”
“Keep buying me lots of it.”
“Bring me some every time.”
He might even think it’s cute that all you want is some fruit.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> I’m just a sex slave who comes over when he wants me to and leaves afterward.
I think a relationship with a lover is a balance of advantages and disadvantages.
For the man, it’s what he spends versus what he receives.
For the woman, it’s what she gains versus what she gives up.
A relationship can’t continue unless the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for both people. If you feel there’s no benefit, I think you should end the relationship immediately.
> How can I overcome my narrow-mindedness and stop feeling depressed when I compare myself to others, so I can stay in this relationship?
Haha. (Laughs)
I completely understand how you feel.
Rather than comparing yourself with others, I think you should compare the benefits and drawbacks of your own situation.
Also, if there’s something you want, it might be worth talking about it.
The man you’re seeing may be just like me, with his mind focused mainly on “that.” By making a suggestion, you might help him realize, “Oh right, that’s an option too.” (Laughs)
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I’m a male member called “Kamikōki,” and my longtime girlfriend tells me, “You’re only kind before sex.”
How does the person asking the question feel about it?
And how much love do you want to give of your own accord?
I’ve been visiting my longtime girlfriend every weekend for decades. Whenever I go to her house, she welcomes me with hot tea and salad. Then she serves me everything from my favorite pickles to meat and vegetables—so much homemade food that it’s almost unbelievable. On top of that, she keeps bringing out my favorite grapes, strawberries, and other fruit, and she buys and prepares so many desserts that I can’t even decide what to eat.
Before I leave, she makes me take breaks, then launches another attack of desserts and fruit. She feeds me course after course, like a broiler chicken, until I feel I have to force myself to eat and might actually turn into a pig.
If you’re being allowed to live with her, there’s really nothing more luxurious—or more deserving of gratitude—than that.
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
I don’t know, man!
For starters, you’re not going to find anything called “love” in the sugar-dating scene! lol
Even if you stand in the middle of a dating club’s world—the apartment you’ve been given—and shout about love, nothing’s going to come of it.
Normally, you pay your own rent and live in your own place! lol
With everything, it’s a net zero: when something good happens, something bad happens on the other side.
Especially when money is involved, it’s pretty rare for there to be “only good things.”
I think sometimes it can make life easier to be a little more pragmatic about yourself and embrace becoming the villain—turning heel, so to speak.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think what Mac does is wonderful, but I don’t think you can say your partner doesn’t love you enough just because he doesn’t buy Shine Muscat grapes and bring them to you.
Men tend to express love through their actions, but the way they do so differs from person to person. Their actions are probably influenced by what they’ve learned from past relationships and by their own values. At the very least, I think your papa (a male supporter) is showing his affection by renting an apartment for you. That said, while reading your question, I got the impression that your relationship may have become a little stale.
So it’s rash to decide from this alone whether you’re loved or not. Why not start by doing for him the things you’d like him to do for you? For example, if you’d like him to bring you something, prepare his favorite food when he comes to see you. If that makes him happy, he may learn from it and his own behavior might change as well.
By the way, I believe Mac also wrote somewhere that love isn’t something you seek from someone else, but something you give to them. Perhaps you should first try showing your papa affection in various ways. Human relationships are like mirrors. If you respond through your actions, your papa may change as well.
P.S. After posting my answer, I noticed that Mac has written here too that love is something you give. I agree completely.
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