A state of emergency has been declared in Tokyo and the three surrounding prefectures. It looks like the Kansai region may be next.
This content is machine-translated.
Last April and May, I couldn’t see my favorite woman in a monthly arrangement for two whole months. I respected her wishes, and I continued paying her allowance even during months when we couldn’t meet at all.
This time, she told me, “I’ll miss you, but let’s refrain from seeing each other for a while. It would be terrible if you happened to get infected.”
On the other hand, the pay-per-meeting woman told me, “If you want, I’ll come see you while taking every possible precaution. Just let me know anytime,” which has me grinning from ear to ear. (I know she wants to see Yukichi, not me—that is, the money—but still…)
I fully understand why their reactions are different, and I know I’m being deceived. But if I’m going to be deceived anyway, I wish she had done it skillfully right to the end.
I couldn’t help noticing that the woman in the monthly arrangement sounded slightly pleased and relieved.
Suddenly, I started feeling reluctant to keep paying her ¥500,000 every month. Sadly, my stingy side came out all at once.
So here is my question. (Sorry for the long preamble.)
If I decide to end things with the woman in the monthly arrangement, what would be the best way to do it without hurting her?
What concerns me is that we’ve been together for more than three years, so the allowance I’ve been giving her may have become part of her financial foundation. Would she be in trouble if it suddenly disappeared?
That said, she does have a steady job with a take-home income of a little over ¥300,000 a month, and I imagine she may have savings of around ¥10 million from what I’ve given her over the years.
① Cut off contact without even saying goodbye
② Say goodbye and end things by LINE, email, or the like
③ Meet one last time and properly say goodbye
④ Do③, plus give her two to six months’ worth of allowance as a parting thank-you
Since she has been a wonderful woman who stayed with me for more than three years, I feel that at least option ③, or preferably ④, would be appropriate.
She has only just turned 24. I hope she’ll graduate from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and find happiness.
It’s Joe here. I know our situations are on completely different levels, but I feel like I can understand how you feel. I realize this may sound presumptuous, but I’m not making fun of you at all—I hope you’ll understand where Joe is coming from.
The biggest thing that stands out to Joe in your post is the part about “how to avoid hurting the other person.” Based on Joe’s limited experience, there probably isn’t any such way. More bluntly, while you say you don’t want to hurt them, aren’t you actually the one who most wants to avoid being hurt? I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how I am myself, so that’s how it came across to me.
Which of options 1 through 4 you should choose depends on the history of your relationship and what led you to decide—or start considering—ending it. However, no matter which option you choose, don’t you think you’ll need to be prepared to be the bad guy?
That said, Joe likes to be seen as a nice person and is a bit of a chicken, so I’m not very good at taking that kind of action myself.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m paper airplane, a male member.
If the relationship has continued for three years without either of you growing tired of it, and you never felt the allowance was too much, maybe you don’t need to choose to end things just yet.
With a relationship like that, I think she probably feels deeply grateful, while also being prepared for the possibility that it could end at any time.
⑤ Take a break during the period when you can’t meet because of COVID, and don’t send any money.
If she says she’s struggling, go see her for a few minutes just to give her the money.
As for comparing her with pay-per-meeting women, I don’t think there’s any need to decide until after you’ve met one during COVID and then compared her with your former favorite again.
> I couldn’t help noticing that the girl in my monthly arrangement sounded somewhat happy and relieved.
Anyone would be happy if they knew they were going to receive their full income while unable to work. And when you think about all the people around them who were struggling during COVID, it’s natural to feel relieved as well. So her feelings of being lucky and happy were probably thousands of times stronger than her loneliness. It wouldn’t be strange at all for her to be thrilled and overjoyed.
In any case, March, three years, and thirty years are all milestones, so there’s no need to rush your decision about whether to end things after three years or continue for much longer.
Also, the longer a relationship has lasted, the more cautiously both people are likely to avoid meeting during COVID, since there’s no need to force yourselves to meet. So I don’t think you need to assume the worst.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
> I fully understand why the reactions differ like this, though.
Hmm?
If that’s the case, after she says:
“I’m lonely, but let’s refrain from seeing each other for a while. It would be terrible if you happened to get infected.”
I think you could reply:
⑤ “Thank you. I can’t provide an allowance while we’re unable to meet this time, but if you start feeling lonely, let me know anytime and I’ll see you on a pay-per-meeting basis.”
It’s also possible that the questioner has simply misunderstood, and that she genuinely means she’s worried about COVID and wants to stop seeing each other for a while.
Women tend to be more sensitive to potential risks than men.
Even when a man thinks something is perfectly fine, women often feel uncomfortable about it.
If it’s just a misunderstanding, I don’t think you necessarily need to end the relationship.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
This is way beyond anything I could imagine, but if you want to go out looking cool in the end, I’d say option ④.
That said, I’m curious what will happen when you meet and it turns into a breakup conversation—tears, anger, or something else entirely.
When it’s someone else’s situation, it’s simply fascinating to wonder about.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Taro, a male member.
If you’re personally comfortable with it, I think option ④ would be best.
More importantly, you may want to think carefully about the reason for ending things—and how you explain it.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
