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Jan 5, 2021 00:29
7 answers
🏅 ４０歳でリアル異世界転生したオッサン l 元金融マン → 現ＡＩ界隈
出張ホストの実技試験合格してるので、対女性への無難な前戯とかマナーに一定の知見あり。
Age: 40s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m a columnist who writes under the name Flag Maker.
I think my wife now feels completely secure with me. She used to be insanely possessive and jealous. She still turns into a demon sometimes, though.
Here’s what she demanded of me—and what I went along with:
- Absolutely no fooling around with other women—not even things like group dates or one-on-one dates, and that included brothels, hostess clubs, snack bars, and the like.
- Checking every corner of my phone, including LINE, call history, and browsing history.
- Reporting how I spent my money, including handing over receipts.
- Banning my hobbies—everything from manga and games to musical instruments and audio equipment had to be thrown away.
I’m sure there was plenty more, but I’ve forgotten. She demanded that all my love be forcibly focused solely on her.
After about ten years of marriage, perhaps she finally started to feel secure—or maybe her attention shifted to our child after they were born—and she gradually loosened up. That gave me room to slowly start having some fun again.
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
I don’t think there’s any way to know whether someone truly loves you.
Even if there were, they could simply pretend to meet whatever criteria that method used, and in the end, you still wouldn’t really know.
Also, wanting reassurance is a questionable reason in itself.
Once you feel secure, you may no longer feel the need to love the other person, and I think the relationship would fall apart at that point.
I think the best approach is to love each other while accepting that neither of you knows what tomorrow will bring.
The fact that you can still meet right now means you are loved. I think you can feel reassured.
If it gradually becomes harder to meet, it may mean the other person’s feelings are fading, so I think you should make an effort to prevent that from happening.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
“Why don’t you try thinking it through for yourself?”
That’s a line from *Kyojo*. I’m a male member named Paper Airplane, and I watched it admiring how cool and understated it was.
First of all, did you get a “Happy New Year” LINE message from them right at midnight?
What? You didn’t??
Hmm? Then how do you think they feel?
How would you feel if they were wondering, just as you are, “Which parts of me should they trust?”
If you consider their feelings, shouldn’t you think about how they feel before focusing on your own feelings?
Since they don’t seem to be receiving any reassuring words from you at the moment, it sounds like you need to communicate through your actions so that they’ll naturally respond with plenty of reassurance. Especially if they’re someone you met through a dating club, you should receive an incredible amount of gratitude through both their words and actions.
If they don’t feel reassured, I imagine that your casual words and actions may come across to them as merely ordinary—or even insufficient.
Just as you’re feeling uneasy, they may be feeling anxious too.
What can you do to ease their anxiety?
It would be good if you could take even one more action that helps them feel reassured. And even better if it happens naturally—and if you can enjoy doing it.
Other
I’m Taro, a male member.
That’s a philosophical question—really difficult（笑).
First, you have to consider whether someone is acting outside the bounds of rational judgment. For example, kissing before brushing your teeth, getting intimate without showering, or hugging you in a way that maximizes physical contact…
But that might simply be the person’s preference. What feels special to you may be completely ordinary to them. You can never rule out that possibility. It’s easy to tell when someone’s words and actions suggest they’re used to this, but sometimes that isn’t the case.
That said, when you look at everything together, there are times when you think, “This probably doesn’t happen very often.” When someone has gone to such lengths to make everything feel genuine, you reach a point where you think, “Even if I’m being fooled, I’d be okay with that.” Looking back, there have been times when it really did turn out that I was loved. (You only find out with time.)
There’s no one right answer, but if you’ve thought it through as carefully as you can and it still feels gray, I think it’s okay to trust them.
Other
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m criticizing you, but under the circumstances, I don’t think it’s possible. The reason is that you’re someone who can’t trust other people.
フラーレン
Male
Send a reverse offer to this responder
🏅 明け方に低頻度で浮上する回答者です
細く長く続けばいいなあ
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m a male member, Fullerene!
…I hate to say this, but this relationship may not be right for you.
Is “feeling secure” something you gain by seeing something, hearing something, and confirming it for yourself?
I believe peace of mind comes from within. From your question, all I can sense is anxiety.
Are you trying to force yourself to trust him while you’re still feeling uneasy?
There’s a phrase, “safe and secure”—or “secure and safe,” if you prefer.
I think it means that feeling safe allows you to feel secure, but don’t you also need trust for that?
“Safety” × “trust” = “peace of mind”
That’s how I picture it—as a multiplication equation.
Based on what you wrote, your “trust” in him seems very small. I assume you’re asking how to increase that trust, but trust is ultimately about how you feel. All you can do is wait until you genuinely feel it welling up from within.
Let’s say you spent 24 hours together with him. You’d probably feel like you could trust him. But if you spent 23 hours and 50 minutes together, and then thought he might be doing something during those remaining 10 minutes, you’d no longer trust him—even if he had only gone to the bathroom.
I think the issue isn’t him, but what’s going on in your heart.
You don’t have to force yourself.
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t think anything like that exists. You should absolutely avoid trying to test someone’s feelings.
As you said, feelings are reflected more in a person’s everyday actions than in their words. So I think it’s best to pay attention to their actions and collect memories that make you feel loved.
If they’re a decent person, genuine feelings will be met with genuine feelings. Relationships are like mirrors.