Could my history of an eating disorder be affecting me? I find dining out painful. I have strong preferences regarding food, and I also feel uncomfortable with people watching me eat.
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I’ve started wondering whether C might suit me better than being registered as B.
However, I’d really prefer B, since I want to keep my distance from anyone I feel won’t work for me at the first meeting.
If I stay with B, can you think of any way to judge whether someone is a good match without having a meal together?
Or would C be better for me?
Thank you.
Yokoyama from our Tokyo branch here as well.
Many people have already answered, but I think B would be fine. If you tell our staff that you’d prefer “tea only,” we can update your profile, so please feel free to let us know.
Please don’t push yourself.
Yuma Yokoyama
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I don’t think you should force yourself to do anything that causes you pain or discomfort. However, men generally assume that having a meal at the first meeting is standard, so when you receive an offer, ask the club to let him know in advance that you’d prefer something other than a meal. You could also mention in your profile that meals are not an option.
As for your type, I think you should choose whichever one feels right for you. Even if you’re a Type C, you can still turn a woman down. If you absolutely don’t want an adult relationship (intimate) from the first meeting, then choose Type B.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Regardless of whether someone is type A, B, or C, some people place more importance on meals while others don’t, so there may well be someone who’s a good match for you.
That said, if this is something you struggle with, it can also be a disadvantage to carry, and if participating causes you distress, this may simply not be the right fit for you.
You might be better off looking for a different line of work.
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Maezawa from the president’s office here.
Thank you for your question.
Even with Plan C, it’s normal to have a meal together, and technically you can decline 50% of the offers. However, men often push back quite a bit, so I imagine it can be pretty difficult.
In that case, I think you’re better off staying with Plan B.
As for avoiding a meal, when you receive an offer, you could ask the other person to tell him something like:
“I’m on a diet, so would it be okay if we just meet for coffee at a café the first time?”
(Tea or anything else is fine, of course.)
If you ask the staff, I’m sure they can pass that message along.
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I’m in Seattle.
I think keeping it at B is fine.
Honestly, it would be a good idea to state in your profile that you’d prefer just coffee or tea for the first meeting rather than a meal. Men will appreciate knowing that too.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Your relationship type has nothing to do with whether you go out for a meal or not.
It’s rare, but sometimes a woman says that around 3 p.m. would be convenient when arranging a date. In that case, I naturally suggest having tea rather than a meal for the first date.
So instead of changing your relationship type, why not reply to an offer by saying that a time outside regular mealtimes works better for you? You can talk over tea without a meal and decide what you think of her.
In fact, I’ve had tea instead of a meal for a first date about three times so far.
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