I’ve discussed plans to meet with a male member several times over the past two months, but things never worked out (partly because past trauma made me hesitant to respond positively). The other day, I contacted him to ask if he might be able to meet tomorrow. After asking what the earliest time I could meet would be, he told me he would let me know by the following afternoon whether he could meet. However, when I still hadn’t heard from him by 3 p.m. that day, I figured we probably wouldn’t be able to meet, so I messaged him saying it was fine to reschedule for another day. Thirty minutes later, he replied, “Let’s do that.”
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Then, late that night, he contacted me again and said, “I’ll be leaving Japan soon to go to [a foreign country]. I don’t know when—or even whether—I’ll be coming back to Japan. We won’t be able to meet anymore.”
I don’t know whether this is true, but did he say that because he wanted to cut things off with me completely?
Is there anything I can do if I want to meet him one more time?
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I suspect she probably cut things off. If you ever get another chance to meet, you’d have to overcome the trauma and pursue the relationship positively, but I feel like it may already be too late. What’s done is done.
I think you’d be better off looking for someone new. They may contact you unexpectedly, so if that happens, do your best.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
If she didn’t want to meet, she simply wouldn’t contact you, right? The fact that she reached out probably means there’s something she wants your attention about.
She may be saying that she wants to see you before she leaves Japan and you can no longer meet.
If you want to see her, suggest several possible dates coming up soon. If possible, you could add, “Even on short notice is fine.”
Since this is a good opportunity, I think it might be even more effective to pretend you’re shocked and have a heartfelt, confession-like conversation, such as: “If that’s how things were, I wish we’d met. I actually wanted to see you, but I have some past trauma and couldn’t bring myself to move forward. I regret it now.”
Even if you still don’t get to meet, making one sincere effort here will leave an impression and should increase the chances that she comes back later.
Wishing you the best.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, answering as well.
Thank you for your question.
I don’t know the full story, but if she wrote, “I can’t see you anymore,” then I think you should take it to mean that you won’t be seeing each other again. I can’t think of anything you can do at this point.
There’s nothing you can do but accept it and move on. I think you should look for someone new.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
You can’t really know what she’s thinking just by asking in an anonymous question box, and since you didn’t respond positively before, I think it’s probably too late to start trying to meet her again now. I don’t know whether what she said is true, but it does come across as though she doesn’t want you to contact her.
This probably isn’t the case, but maybe she’s testing whether you’re the kind of woman who would still reach out even after being told you can’t meet again. The only thing you could do to see her one more time might be to message her, “I’d really like to see you, so I’m thinking about visiting [country]. If I go, would you meet me?” If she responds positively, go see her.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
This year, it seems that everyone who got carried away by the festival bubble—with even dinner-only dates becoming more expensive—is spending a lonely Christmas.
If they turn you down without even citing COVID as a reason, and it’s not COVID-related, it’s probably best to consider it a complete goodbye.
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