From the second date onward, many men hand me my allowance with an irritated, dissatisfied, or reluctant attitude. Their eyes look angry. Some even say things that sound like, “I’m giving this to you, after all.”
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There are also men who hand it to me with a smile. Even if their breath smells a little or they aren’t my type, I find myself wanting to try harder to make them happy, look especially cute when we meet next time, and feeling genuinely grateful—thinking, “Thank you so much. I’ll use it wisely.”
However, when someone gives it to me reluctantly or even slightly acts as though they’re supporting my entire livelihood, I start thinking, “Even if he’s exactly my type and has fresh breath, maybe I don’t need to see him again. I’m not looking forward to our next date. Why do I even need to date this person? I should end it…”
Am I being selfish?
There’s no denying that I’m receiving a substantial amount of money, but I didn’t set the allowance myself. We agreed to see each other based on the amount he proposed, so it bothers me…
I get the impression that many of them are business owners. Is it simply unavoidable because they’re used to living in an environment where everyone around them naturally caters to them?
Is there something about the atmosphere I give off that causes this?
It’s painful, so I’d like to improve the situation if possible, but maybe that’s difficult…?
I would appreciate any advice.
I’m a male member, Fullerene!
You’re not being selfish.
Coming from a poor background like mine, I feel that, whenever I pay money, I probably experience a sense of pain unconsciously. Even though, rationally, I’m completely fine with it.
Even when paying the same amount, it doesn’t hurt at all when I see it as an investment, but when it feels like wasteful spending, even one ten-thousandth of that amount can feel painful.
Maybe I haven’t managed to fully convince myself. Perhaps that’s the case for him too.
So, whenever possible, I avoid handing over the money directly. I leave it somewhere and have her take it instead.
As for what you can do, perhaps you could work on improving whether you’re truly providing time that feels valuable to him.
The fact that this happens not at the first meeting but from the second onward suggests that he may not feel your time together is worth it.
…That said, saying, “I’m giving it to you, after all,” is really not okay.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
What a wonderful outlook you have on relationships. At least personally, I think that if a man met a woman who felt the way you do, he’d want to see her again.
I don’t think there are many people, men or women, who genuinely enjoy taking money out of their wallets. That’s why some people end up looking displeased.
Your way of thinking is wonderful, so I don’t think you need to adjust yourself to suit people who aren’t as considerate.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
When I first started, I felt that handing over money was a bit gauche, so I’d fold it up small and discreetly pass it over. But a woman once told me, “It makes me sad when you hand it to me like you don’t want to.” That’s when I realized my gesture had been interpreted in the exact opposite way. These days, I spread it out like a hand of cards and hand it over without making a big deal of it.
If it’s an issue like this, it can be resolved. But I think it’s difficult when someone has the attitude of, “I’m paying you, aren’t I?”
Please take good care of people whose breath smells a little.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> I’m often handed it with an irritated, unhappy, or reluctant attitude.
I believe a relationship should be enjoyable and mutually beneficial for both people.
You don’t have to force yourself too much. I think it’s best to be straightforward and say:
“I feel sad when you act irritated and unhappy.”
Or perhaps:
“I can’t continue seeing you if you act so irritated, dissatisfied, and reluctant.”
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
Thanks for your question.
A lot of men simply aren’t used to smiling, so when they have a neutral expression, they can look angry.
You could try saying something like, “Did I do something to upset you?”
He’ll probably reply, “Huh? I’m not angry.”
Then you could say, “Your face looked angry and it scared me.”
He’ll probably try to be more mindful after that.
He’ll most likely forget again by your next meeting, though, so you may need to remind him a few times.
Once you’ve gotten close, you could also say something like, “When nothing’s wrong, it’s nicer to smile,” and help him practice smiling.
Oh, but only after you’ve become really close.
A lot of men don’t like being told what to do, so if you try this before you’re close, it could seriously damage the relationship.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
If you see their true colors on the second meeting and decide to part ways, isn’t that perfectly fine?
You’ve both already cleared the first hurdle by agreeing to meet a second time, so I don’t think there’s a problem.
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