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I wanted to ask how I should negotiate the allowance when joining someone for golf, separately from dinner dates or an adult relationship (intimate).
They’ve said they’ll cover the green fees, lunch, and other expenses, but I feel awkward bringing up the possibility of asking for an additional allowance on top of that.
It would be helpful if they could at least cover something equivalent to my transportation costs…
I’m Hikoki, a male member.
As Kazu said, I think it’s best to just stay quiet.
If the subject of the allowance comes up after the second meeting, it usually means that neither party is satisfied. In the situation described in the question, the man would be understandably alarmed, and the woman is probably bringing it up because she isn’t usually satisfied with the arrangement.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
In my case, I usually give a round amount equivalent to the actual expenses plus 0.5–1, as a guideline. I don’t want my date to have to pay anything out of pocket, and it’s also my way of showing appreciation for her time. That’s how I handle things when there’s no adult relationship.
Unless she’s going reluctantly, I think it’s asking too much to play the golf she enjoys for free and still expect the usual allowance without a hotel date.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
A thoughtful man would probably give you an allowance without being asked, but some men may assume that since it’s just golf, no allowance is necessary.
So if you absolutely want one, I think you should be upfront about it.
However, since this is your first time meeting him, I’d suggest going without saying anything, assuming you might not receive an allowance.
If he gives you one without being asked, that’s a good sign that he’s a decent man, and you should feel comfortable continuing to see him.
On the other hand, if he gives you nothing because you didn’t ask, you may want to reconsider seeing him in the future.
If he invites you again under the same conditions, you can say, “I won’t go because you don’t give me an allowance.”
I also think it would be fine to significantly lower his priority.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Even if you don’t say anything, I think most men would give you an allowance if they were the ones who invited you to play golf. They may be planning to go to a hotel afterward.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Even if you’re just going golfing together, it still takes up your time, so I think it’s reasonable to expect an allowance. There’s nothing wrong with kindly asking whether you could at least receive transportation expenses. In fact, whenever I go golfing with a woman, I give her an allowance.
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