I’m a female member and have received several letter-date requests.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. You must be very popular to already have several offers. That’s wonderful. With that many offers, it must be a lot to deal with. If arranging the meeting and the online session isn’t too much trouble, I think it’s perfectly fine to decline letters as well. If the person is local, though, I don’t feel letters are really necessary. At the same time, unlike declining an online session, I can’t think of many reasons to decline letters specifically. So I don’t think you need to be too particular about it. Looking at it another way, there are some advantages: you don’t need to make time for an in-person meeting or an online session, coordinate schedules, or even meet up before deciding whether you want to pursue the relationship. With just a few exchanges, you can get a sense of what the person is like and decide whether you want to meet at all. Scheduling is required not only for the actual meeting but also for online sessions, so it can take anywhere from a few days to two or three weeks after a male member makes an offer before you actually meet. With letters, communication starts the very day the offer is made, so in just three or four days, you can often tell whether this is someone you might want to pursue a relationship with. I’m about to meet someone who lives far away after first communicating with her online and by letter. We’ve already done the online session, including seeing each other and talking. Since she didn’t come across quite as well online as I had expected from her photos, my excitement has faded a little. With the letter exchange, I asked her in advance to check my appearance and voice first, but she replied, “I can tell you’re a good person from our messages, so I feel comfortable meeting you without doing that.” Our exchanges have been progressing steadily, and I’m really looking forward to meeting her. The messages are very short, sent only once every few days, so it’s actually fun to take care not to make things go the way they did in your case and think about how to convey something meaningful in just a line or two. It’s also nice when a reply comes back. When someone lives far away, I’d be worried about a last-minute cancellation on the day of—or the day before—the meeting if we arranged it right away. With letters, you don’t have to worry about that. Just as you can get a sense of your letter partner, the man can also get an idea in advance of what kind of relationship this might be and how well your personalities and overall vibe mesh through your writing. Being able to meet after that is reassuring in many ways. I also think it’s essential for the man to make sure the woman has an opportunity to check his appearance as well. Even if she ultimately chooses not to look, without that consideration, she may naturally feel uneasy—and even a little scared. There’s absolutely no need to rush the exchanges. It’s fine even if three or four days pass between messages; you can simply send one whenever you have free time. Not having to spend any time on anything, starting with schedule coordination, feels like a major advantage. You can simply reply to the men you feel like replying to, at your own pace and whenever you’re in the mood. If you don’t feel like it, I think it’s perfectly fine to leave them unanswered indefinitely. The man needs to send messages at a relaxed pace that makes you look forward to hearing from him and want to reply quickly—not by trying too hard to build excitement, but by keeping you just a little bit eager and waiting. It’s not the man’s excitement that needs to be raised; it’s the woman’s…

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. Men want to know various things about women in addition to their photos and profiles, but I think women often feel stressed because they don’t really know much about the men. If exchanging emails feels like a chore, maybe email dating just isn’t for you, and it might be better not to accept those requests. Some people enjoy exchanging letters, like in letter dating, while others prefer meeting in person to get a feel for each other. Everyone has their own style, so I don’t see a problem with that. Personally, I prefer verifying things in person, so I don’t have a negative impression of women who aren’t interested in letter dating.

I’m a male member—Fullerene here! When someone writes “〇〇 not allowed,” I do find myself wondering why. For example, if it’s a location: “If Tokyo Station is off-limits, maybe that’s near their workplace. Since they live outside central Tokyo, Shinjuku might be an easier place to meet.” Or if online meetings aren’t allowed, I might think, “Maybe they live in a dorm or something.” I don’t take offense just because someone doesn’t accept letters, but I might still wonder about the reason. So if you write something like, “I want to get in the mood while looking at each other’s faces!” I don’t think it would leave a bad impression. At the very least, “I’m not good at writing…”—or rather, it’s fine. It’s all in how you phrase it.

Maezawa from the executive office here—I’ll answer this one too. Thank you for your question. In that case, I think it would be perfectly fine to say that you’re not comfortable with a letter date if he won’t share a photo. That said, when you first start a letter date, you could also say: “I’d like to know what kind of person you are. Would you mind sending me a photo?” If he says he won’t, you could simply respond, “In that case, I don’t think I’ll be able to reply to you going forward.” As you said, men can see women’s photos, videos, and profiles, while women have no information about the men at all. So I think it’s completely natural to want to know more. I imagine many men also don’t want to show their photos, but that’s an issue on the man’s side for choosing a letter date in the first place. So after explaining your concerns to some extent, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask him for a photo.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I sometimes see women who write that they don’t accept online dates, but I don’t particularly view that negatively. Even if someone wrote that they don’t accept letter dates, I probably wouldn’t think much of it either. If you want to meet quickly, why not just make a regular offer instead of suggesting a letter date? It’s kind of funny, haha.