A follow-up question to Kazu’s post: What do you think about Letter Date?

I’m Fulleren, a male member! Letters sound nice. You can show more of who you are through writing than face-to-face, can’t you? I mean, you can get a sense of someone’s rhythm of thought. Though I haven’t tried it yet（笑） If you’re asking someone to meet through a letter, I feel the least you could do is write something like, “I’ll cover the same transportation costs as I would for an in-person meeting.” That seems like basic courtesy to me. That aside, if you’re asking to meet right from the start, wouldn’t you need to provide a reasonable amount of information? It’s unsettling to meet when you barely know anything about the person. I suppose that’s only natural when they’re being stingy not only with money, but with their time as well.

I’m a lost 60-something. You need to present yourself well and keep the conversation going… Thinking you’ll meet someone easily would be a big mistake. I hope you’ll enjoy the process. To me, the whole point of a letter date is that you can’t meet right away. There’s also a high chance things won’t work out without ever meeting, which is why the offer fee is reasonably high… That said, being one of the people answering questions is a major advantage when using letter dates. Haha.

Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here with an answer as well. Thank you for your question. > Is it really wrong to invite someone out right away on Letter Date? I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong. However, regarding your previous question, you said the woman felt uneasy, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to invite someone in a way that makes them uncomfortable. For example, on a dating site with no profile system, even if a woman is looking for a papa (a male supporter), simply saying, “Would you like to meet right away?” probably won’t lead anywhere. (Some people do get a yes that way, though（笑）) When you think about it, you need to make an effort to share basic information—who you are, what kind of person you are, what your interests are, and so on—so that the other person feels, “I might be willing to meet this person.” > You asked why I should put myself through the emotional discomfort of asking about transportation costs and make an effort to meet someone I’m not even interested in. That’s a fair point. Since the man invited her out without going through the steps mentioned above, he became someone she wasn’t interested in meeting. It seems difficult to recover from that at this point. However, the question was how to deal with the fact that “the possibility of not even receiving transportation money is making me feel even more uneasy.” So saying that she doesn’t want to ask about it unfortunately makes no sense. In the end, although it was presented as a question, it seems the conclusion had already been reached—she had no intention of meeting him—and she simply wanted someone to listen. Even if people say, “That’s just how women are,” I can’t quite accept that. When a man is asked for advice, he’s supposed to offer a solution（笑）

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who was shocked to hear my wife say, “Apparently, hardly any of our son’s friends are applying to private schools.” Has the world really changed that much? What surprised me about trying a letter date was how quickly it was finalized—on the very day I made the offer. From that day on, I found myself waiting for a message… The speed was incredible—actually, it was even faster than a quick online arrangement. That said, while exchanging messages is exciting and enjoyable, it also takes some emotional energy. Since an online meeting is over in one go, I sometimes feel it might be less stressful. I also feel it’s extremely effective when you live far away. And, as reflected in the question, “Do I really have to make an effort to meet someone I’m not enthusiastic about?”—it seems easier to see someone’s true nature. In other words, their true feelings are more likely to come across, be understood, and get through. Before actually meeting, you can filter out people you don’t need to meet and avoid unnecessary encounters. It’s easier than you might expect for both sides to communicate their intentions, and in that sense, I feel it’s a very effective tool. So far, my letter-date exchange has been going extremely smoothly, and I’m really looking forward to the day we meet. Taking care with each day’s messages, I feel it’s rare to enjoy even a single exchange this much. It might even surpass online meetings.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. > What do you think of the tools available for meeting women? > I’d like to see Letter Date remain available to some extent. I also think Letter Date is a good tool. First of all, women don’t receive an allowance at the start of an offer, and I actually think that’s one of its advantages. If someone genuinely wants to pursue a relationship, she’ll come meet you for tea, a meal, or even a hotel date. By exchanging a few letters beforehand, you can get a sense of her personality and an overview of how she approaches relationships. I think this increases the chances of filtering out women who are only putting on an act to get transportation money. Of course, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting someone out right away, either.

I’m Kazu, the male member who just asked for advice about a dating partner. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting someone out fairly quickly through a Letter Date. However, the woman would be expected to correspond with me by email without compensation, and because the club isn’t involved in the first date, it carries more risk for her. So it seems to me that I’d have to start off with a worse impression than I would through a regular arrangement. With a regular arrangement, we can still coordinate the meeting place through the staff. With an online date, we can discuss things directly over a call, and the woman receives a gift, so she may be more willing to accept. For now, I can’t see any particular reason for me to actively choose a Letter Date. That said, just because I don’t plan to use it doesn’t mean I want it discontinued. After reading the response to my earlier question suggesting that I ask about the terms before meeting, I started thinking about this. It seems that only a minority of women are comfortable bringing up the allowance themselves. Most of the stories I hear from women about having terrible experiences involve men who never offer an allowance. This happens because it’s difficult for women to come out and ask, “How much is the allowance?” Since a Letter Date doesn’t guarantee transportation expenses, I feel that if a man is going to suggest meeting in person, he should also discuss the allowance at the same time. And regardless of the relationship type, I think it would be better to state upfront how much the allowance would be even if it’s only for dinner or coffee. As an aside, when a woman came to me for advice, my initial response was, “Why don’t you ask how much the transportation expenses are?” She wasn’t happy about that. (Laughs) She said, “Why should I have to endure the psychological discomfort of asking about transportation costs and make an effort to meet someone I’m not even interested in?” Fair enough.