A man asks me every time, “Are you seeing anyone else? Have you been messaging anyone on LINE? Have you held hands with anyone? Did you quit the app?” I always tell him there’s no one else, that I quit the app, and that he’s the only person I’m seeing, but he still asks.
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How can I reassure him?
What would make a man feel secure?
He asks me every time, so I want to say something that will help put his mind at ease.
I’m a male member, Fullerene!
It sounds like you’re both in a battle of endurance—waiting to see whether he’ll stop bringing it up or you’ll eventually get fed up.
Some people feel reassured after being told something once, while others won’t feel reassured no matter how many times they hear it...
It may be best to ask him directly, but if you can’t accept the idea he suggested, rather than trying to change how he feels, shouldn’t you simply focus on what you can do yourself?
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Smart people remember something the first time they’re told. If you have to tell someone the same thing over and over, they’re not very bright.
The bottom line is, there’s no point in saying anything to her. She’s just an overgrown child, so keep repeating the same thing to her again and again. Eventually, you’ll probably find yourself feeling ridiculous for repeating it so much—and that may be when she can start seriously considering a relationship with her papa.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> What would make a man feel reassured when you say it to him?
> I’m told this every time, so I’d like to say something reassuring in return.
I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing each other, but over time, men can usually tell whether you really mean it.
I don’t think you need to overthink it. She may just be looking for reassurance.
You could simply tell him, “You’re the only one for me!” every time.
Assuming it’s true, of course（笑).
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Staff member Dan will answer as well.
He says that because you’re attractive, it brings out comments like that.
There are many men with strong possessive tendencies. Men who lack confidence in themselves also seem to make these kinds of remarks frequently.
People like that probably won’t feel reassured no matter how many times you tell them. They may only feel secure after spending a long time with you, seeing your usual behavior, how quickly you respond, and how you treat them when you meet.
From a woman’s perspective, you may feel like saying, “Don’t make me repeat myself,” or find it annoying. But I believe it’s important to respond thoughtfully each time they say something like that.
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Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu will answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
I’m not sure what led up to this, but is it possible that, rather than wanting to hear about unpleasant experiences you had with other men or what kind of men you’ve met, he’s simply saying that he doesn’t want you to meet other men?
If so, I think someone like that will keep asking the same question no matter what you tell him, so it may be best to give the same answer every time.
He may also be judging you based on how you answer each time.
For example, he might think, “She paused before answering this time, so she must have done something she feels a little guilty about,” or, “She blinked more than usual, so she must be lying.”
He may be trying to tell whether you’re telling the truth by reading those subtle facial expressions.
In any case, I think it’s best to assume that all kinds of people are out there when responding to him.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t think there’s any one thing you can say that will make someone feel reassured right away. As the relationship continues, I think they’ll gradually come to trust you and feel more at ease.
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I’m a male member, “Kamihikoki.”
It would probably be difficult unless the usual appointment arrangements and everyday conversations changed—not just the words themselves.
On the other hand, I think being honest can sometimes make the other person feel more at ease.
If she didn’t have another dating partner, for example:
Woman: “I’m free to meet anytime next week.”
Man: “I might not be able to get back to you until the last minute.”
Woman: “Anytime is fine—even the day before or the day of.”
And when they meet, she’ll happily and enthusiastically share all the things that happened during the time they hadn’t seen each other.
If she had another dating partner, there would be more back-and-forth to coordinate appointments, and she’d talk less about her everyday life, so it would be difficult to hide.
If you don’t have another dating partner, the truth will naturally come through in your conversations and appointment arrangements.
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