Being teased by my Kansai papa (a male supporter) is really getting to me.
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We’ve been seeing each other for three years. He has introduced me to employees at his company and to his friends, and financially, he has supported me generously. I’m extremely grateful for the money, and we’re physically compatible, but he’s a very typical Kansai man, and he teases me constantly.
He says things like, “You really don’t have much of a chest, haha,” “You sure do talk back, haha,” and “You’re always sleeping.” I used to suffer from depression, so I get tired easily, and outside of work I mostly lie down instead of going out with friends. Even after I explained that to him, he repeatedly tells me to stay awake during the day, making me sound like a lazy person.
If I don’t reply to his messages or calls within 30 minutes, he goes on and on: “You were sleeping, weren’t you!” and “I know you. Whenever you don’t reply, you’re usually asleep.” So recently, for the first time, I talked back to him.
I said something along the lines of, “It hurts when you assume I’m sleeping just because I don’t reply right away. Sometimes I can’t respond, and my phone is usually on silent, so I may not notice. I’m sorry.”
He only replied, “Understood. I won’t contact you anymore.” I haven’t heard anything from him for three days.
I think I may have provoked him, since he hates losing and is, for better or worse, quite chauvinistic.
We’re supposed to meet this week, but I’m sure he’ll try to make me apologize. How should I handle this? I’m not even sure how to apologize anymore. Should I end things with someone whose daily rhythm doesn’t match mine? I’m sure I’ll receive mostly harsh answers, but deep down, I respect and like him.
I also recovered from depression and was able to stop taking medication partly because my relationship with him brought more enjoyable experiences into my life. I regret talking back to him when he got angry because I couldn’t reply while I was sleeping during the day.
But I wish he would stop treating me so carelessly, just a little. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I imagine people like Mac-san would get angry at a weak papa-katsu woman like me, but I’m nervously asking for help here. I can’t talk to anyone about this. I’m sorry, but please be gentle with me.
I’m in Seattle.
It’s not easy to find someone who’ll give you the same allowance.
Learning how to play the straight man and the comic is probably part of the job for that allowance, too. It’s okay even if you’re not very good at it. Your papa isn’t genuinely angry, so talk back to him.
If it’s really hard, maybe it’s okay to take a little medication for depression.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
It sounds like you really like your papa. It feels like things have gone beyond just casual fun.
If that’s the case, you should apologize as soon as possible. Keep apologizing until he forgives you. The more time passes, the harder it’ll be to apologize.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
> It’s been three days since then, and I haven’t heard a thing.
Huh?
Huh?
Isn’t the relationship already over?
I’m also worried about whether he’ll show up for your plans to meet this week. Hopefully everything is fine because you’ve been seeing each other for a long time.
> He keeps telling me to stay awake during the day, over and over, and talks to me as if I’m lazy.
It may not be that he’s calling you lazy—he could be saying it because he’s worried about you.
If you sleep during the day, you won’t be able to sleep at night, and then I feel like it could affect your mental health.
Maybe that’s what he’s concerned about.
> If I don’t reply to his emails or calls within 30 minutes, he says, “You were sleeping, weren’t you?” or “I know you. You’re usually asleep whenever you don’t reply.”
He probably doesn’t like it when he doesn’t get an immediate reply. Maybe he feels he has to say something about it.
In that situation, you could simply say, “Sorry, I fell asleep. I’ll try to stay awake,” or something along those lines.
I think what bothers him is simply not getting a reply within 30 minutes, rather than whether you were actually asleep. So any reason would probably be fine.
> I just wish he wouldn’t treat me so carelessly anymore… I don’t know what to do.
I think it would be a good idea to explain how you feel when you see him.
He probably doesn’t realize that his behavior is affecting you this much.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Your papa (a male supporter) seems like a good person, but he does seem to lack sensitivity. I don’t think he intends to treat you carelessly.
Since he’s already getting on in years, it may be difficult to make him more considerate. I’m not sure what the right answer is, but if I were you, I would say, “I used to suffer from depression, so I get tired easily and need to sleep a lot.” Then perhaps ask him, “I really like and respect you, and I don’t want you to abandon me. But I’m not very robust, so please don’t blame me for sleeping a lot or not being able to reply right away. Being blamed is genuinely painful for me.”
I don’t think you need to apologize for sleeping a lot or sometimes being unable to reply because of it. If asking him doesn’t change anything and you’re still suffering, then I think it would be reasonable to consider ending things.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
Fondle your papa’s balls!!
I don’t think there’s any other option.
You’ll just have to use your head and play along with your papa. First, keep things bright and light, and apologize sincerely—over and over again.
Next, flatter him!
What do you like about your papa—today, as usual, and in general?
Stay upbeat, praise him relentlessly, and practically praise him to death.
To finish things off, hug him and say, “I love you, Papa!!”
> Deep down, I truly respect and like him.
I think your papa knows that too.
I’m sure he’ll forgive you!
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