Recently, one of my dinner-only papas has started getting way too familiar. He keeps rubbing my hand, and it’s gross.
He only gives me 10,000 yen, too.
He’s even tried to come into my home.
I’d like him to increase my allowance, but if he keeps being so stingy, I want to cut him off.
Is this kind of arrangement more likely to lead to misunderstandings than a transactional relationship involving physical intimacy?
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
To begin with, I’ve never made an offer or given an allowance just to have someone accompany me for a meal. If it’s a dinner date, wouldn’t it simply be, “I’ll pay for the meal—how does that sound?”
If you’re not interested, I think you can just decline. I don’t think men will keep pursuing you either.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
I think it may come down to a difference in how men and women view the arrangement.
Men assume that, while they’re together, the woman will treat them like a romantic partner. In return, they buy her meals and give her an allowance of 10,000 yen.
Women, on the other hand, may think, “For 10,000 yen, I’m only agreeing to have a meal with him. I don’t really want to eat together in the first place, so everything else is off-limits.”
Because of this difference in expectations, men may feel that things like holding hands or touching each other’s hands, as couples do, are acceptable.
If you don’t like that, I think you should end things. But if you feel it would be better to continue seeing him, you should clearly establish some rules.
For example:
- No touching anywhere on the body
- Holding hands is the only exception
- No interlocking fingers when holding hands
Something along those lines…
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
From his perspective, he may be testing whether you’re worth increasing the allowance for.
If you’re both starting to feel uncomfortable and bored with each other, it’s probably time to go your separate ways.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
If you find him creepy, you can simply cut ties. If he agrees to increase your allowance, you’ll end up putting up with the creepiness and continuing the arrangement.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
There are very few women I’d be willing to pay an allowance just for keeping me company over a meal. If you’re one of those rare women, a man will gladly pay you an allowance simply for talking over dinner.
In other words, the reason the man you’re seeing is rubbing his hands together and trying to come into your home is that he doesn’t think your company at dinner is worth ¥10,000. I think you should become a woman whose company alone is worth more than ¥10,000 before you start complaining.
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