I’d like to ask for advice about something that happened recently.
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The other day, I met my papa (a male supporter) at a restaurant around dinnertime. He had already been drinking, but about 15 minutes after I arrived, he asked, “Do you want a drink or something?” so I ordered one.
After that, I listened to him talk, and since he didn’t seem to be ordering anything, I asked, “I’m hungry—would it be okay if I ordered something?” and he let me.
After dinner, he invited me to a hotel, so I went with him. At the hotel, he walked ahead of me without slowing down. Once inside, he didn’t even turn on the lights and only opened the curtains (the light beside the bed was on). Then he said, “Time for a body check~,” touched me through my panties and stockings, and then pressed a toy against me before putting it inside my underwear. Even when I said I didn’t want him to because my underwear would get wet, he ignored me and put another toy inside as well.
Even though neither of us had taken a bath, he said, “Give me a blowjob?” and then told me, “If you lick me all the way to my asshole, you can take off your underwear.” I found it absolutely disgusting, especially since we hadn’t showered and that area naturally has a lot of bacteria. I kept saying, “After we take a bath,” and eventually got him to give up on the anal part, but I did lick his penis… It smelled, so I really didn’t want to, but he held me down and pushed it into the back of my throat. I hadn’t even taken my clothes off, so I hated the thought of getting them dirty with saliva.
After that, he removed the toys and penetrated me (he didn’t touch me with his hands), but he never took off even my clothes—or my bra—and barely touched me before things started and ended.
I understand that some people don’t like touching directly, but I still felt that not taking a bath, making me lick him, and not even having me take off my clothes was too much, so I just went numb during the adult relationship (intimate).
During it, he asked me over 30 times, “Well? Does it feel good? Come on, come on.” It didn’t feel good, and the way he kept saying “Well?” was irritating. I learned for the first time that although penetration had felt good with previous partners, it doesn’t feel good unless it hits the right spot. I didn’t know how to react, so I just moaned for the time being. Also, he was small.
The allowance was 40,000 yen for dinner and the hotel, for about five hours. I’ve been feeling unsettled and worrying about it alone, but I thought I’d post here and ask for some general advice. I’m struggling with what to do about our relationship going forward. There were so many things I disliked about the adult relationship… but I don’t get that many offers either…
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m sorry you had to meet a man who made you feel so uncomfortable.
I think this man is the type who only wants to satisfy his own sexual desires. He could do the same thing by going to an adult entertainment establishment, but perhaps he has this strange preference for being with an amateur girl rather than a professional.
I think he has seriously misunderstood how this works. In the adult entertainment industry, the establishment, the companion, and the customer all agree to the services being provided. That’s why it’s a “fee” for a service.
Club dating is based on mutual consent and free choice. That’s why it’s an “allowance.” A fee and an allowance are not the same thing.
With a mutually consensual arrangement, if a man does something unbearable during an intimate encounter, you can leave the room, tell a staff member, “He forced himself on me,” and the police will be called.
Everyone’s financial situation is different, so I understand why you might feel it’s worth putting up with a little discomfort in order to receive money.
But to repeat, club dating is based on mutual consent and free choice. Women have the right to choose as well. I believe the women who truly enjoy this are the ones who can clearly say no to things they don’t want. If you suppress your feelings and accept an allowance anyway, there’s no real difference between that and being a professional in the adult entertainment industry.
As for not receiving any offers, I think you should consult the staff at your branch.
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Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here.
Thank you for your question.
This isn’t a sex-work service. What I mean is that, since this isn’t a job, you’re free to choose who you have a romantic relationship with, just as the term implies.
If you don’t like someone, you’re free to decide never to see them again. If you dislike them but feel the benefits are substantial, you’re also free to put up with it.
When you make plans to meet again, you could try sending something like:
“I’d love to see you again next time, but I’m a germaphobe (a little white lie can be useful), so I’d really like you to shower first. Could you promise me that?”
If you don’t get a positive response, I think it would be best to end things. Ultimately, it depends on how you feel.
Alternatively, if you’re planning to end things anyway, and the allowance this time was ¥40,000, you could say this when they ask to meet again:
“I’d like an allowance of ¥80,000…”
They may turn you down themselves, allowing things to end amicably. Or, if they say they still want to see you for ¥80,000, you might feel that you can somehow manage to meet them again.
However, in that case, the club might receive feedback that your requested allowance is too high. So it would be a good idea to submit your post-date feedback first, saying something like:
“I wasn’t allowed to shower, which made me feel uncomfortable and unclean. I found it difficult to tell him directly that I wanted to end things, so I deliberately asked him for a higher allowance.”
That way, the staff will understand the circumstances and won’t assume that you’re simply someone who demands an excessive allowance.
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It’s Joe.
I’ve finally worked up the nerve to join in, even as the women’s answers continue to come in.
As a man myself, hearing women speak honestly about how they feel gives me a lot to think about. I don’t think I’m being selfish, but lately, I’m not confident about that at all.
By the way, I understand that this site isn’t just for asking questions—it also gives people a place to share the kinds of concerns you’ve been struggling with and have others listen. Do you feel at least a little more at ease now?
That said, the person you really need to express your feelings to is the person involved. As others have said, I don’t think you need to see him again, but I hope that going forward, you’ll be able to clearly communicate what you want. It’s fine to put things gently, but sometimes you also need to be firm—and even assertive. Hopefully, the two of you can find a good balance between being gentle and being direct in your communication.
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