I’m a C-type woman who can’t hold her liquor. Do you think this counts as dating fraud? I’d appreciate your opinions. Sorry for the long post.
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I went on a date with a man who handles alcohol well. My profile says that I’m not good with alcohol, and I also told him, “I get sleepy when I’m drunk, so I can’t drink much.”
Our first date ended with just a meal because of his schedule.
On our second date, he encouraged me to try stronger drinks like sake and whiskey, saying, “Just take a sip.” He also ordered small glasses for tasting three different kinds, so I ended up trying quite a few varieties.
I had never had those drinks before, so I didn’t know my limits. I only took a sip or two of each, but after a while, I was overcome with drowsiness.
Since it was our second date as a C-type arrangement, he invited me to a hotel, but I was too sleepy, had a headache, and felt sick, so I really didn’t have the energy to go.
Even if I had gone to the hotel, I knew from experience that I wouldn’t recover unless I slept. It was already 9 p.m., and if I went to sleep at that hour, I knew I wouldn’t wake up until morning. I also had work the next day, so it would have been difficult to force myself to stay awake.
I explained that to him, and we parted after having dinner only that day.
Looking back, I’m worried that this might count as dating fraud.
I started wondering whether he might think, “She only drank a small amount, so it couldn’t have been enough to make her feel that sick. Refusing an adult relationship by using being drunk as an excuse—isn’t that fraud?”
There really are people in this world who can’t handle alcohol. But since we’ve gone on two dates and haven’t had an adult relationship either time, I’m starting to worry that this might be considered dating fraud. What do you all think?
Tokyo staff member Dan here as well.
You had informed him beforehand that you don’t handle alcohol well and tend to get sleepy when you drink, so if he encouraged you to drink something strong, I believe that was his mistake.
I am somewhat concerned about his reaction when you declined the adult relationship, but I’m sure he also feels deeply sorry for letting things get to that point.
I don’t consider this a case of misrepresenting your relationship type.
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I’m Meg, one of the female members.
That sounds really tough…
I’d cry if someone went so far as to call this a dating scam.
Not everyone is like that.
Try to put it behind you and cheer up.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Personally, I don’t think this qualifies as a “dating type scam.” More than anything, whether things develop into an adult relationship (intimate) is something the two people involved decide, regardless of their stated type, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
You told him beforehand that you can’t handle alcohol well, so what happened was the man’s fault.
I drink too, and while I might suggest that a woman try something, I always tell her to drink at her own pace. I want alcohol to be something we enjoy together.
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Maezawa from the president’s office here—I’ll answer as well.
Thanks for your question.
Given the circumstances, I don’t think this would count as a dating-type scam.
If you’re worried, you could simply tell him:
“Next time, please invite me to the hotel before we start drinking. I mean it.”
It might also be a good idea to send him an explanation, similar to what you wrote here:
“I’m not good with alcohol, and I was sleepy, so I’m sorry I turned you down. I can’t continue when I’ve been drinking, so if you invite me before we start drinking, I’d be happy to continue.”
That should make things clear.
Come to think of it, I remember a line from some movie where a man carried a heavily intoxicated woman to his room. When she woke up the next morning and realized she was naked, she asked him, “Wait… did something happen?” And he replied:
“I’m not into sleeping with corpses.”
Something along those lines.
I think that’s how most ordinary men would see it.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Since he recommended strong drinks to a woman whose profile clearly said, “I can’t drink much because I get sleepy when I’m drunk,” the mistake was in his planning. I don’t think this was any kind of relationship-type scam.
He probably won’t be as upset as you’re worried he might be. But even if he is, that just means he’s petty, so you have no reason to feel bad about it.
One more thought: I’ve heard from women that many men don’t actually read their profiles. So next time someone offers you a drink, you might avoid feeling awkward afterward by telling him right then, “I’m a lightweight. I get sleepy when I drink.”
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