I question the character of people who secretly engage in activities like this even though they have someone they want to love and be loved by wholeheartedly. It’s incredibly disrespectful not to face the person you love with sincerity.
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Even I could tell what was being hidden when I was a child, so there’s no way your partner doesn’t know. Like my mother, they’ll pretend not to know, be deeply hurt, and eventually walk away from you.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
I’m not sure whether you’re addressing a specific individual or speaking to everyone, but I believe there are quite a few unmarried male members too. What you’re saying doesn’t apply to unmarried men, so if you’re addressing everyone, you may be out of touch with the reality of the situation.
If you’re referring to married members, then yes, Japan is legally monogamous, so having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex can technically be considered infidelity. However, as for when monogamy was actually established in Japan:
In 1898, the abolition of concubinage was introduced as part of changes to the family registration law. In other words, it may have been changed primarily to make the family registry system easier to manage.
Before that, it was probably quite normal for men to have relationships with multiple women. It’s also possible that this behavior is driven by the instinct to preserve the species.
In reality, countries that practice monogamy are experiencing declining birth rates and aging populations, and could even be said to be on a path toward decline. I would like to see a proper discussion about whether monogamy was truly the best system.
Also, facing the person you love with sincerity is something that may be possible even with multiple partners. Why is someone considered sincere when they have one partner, but insincere when they have several? That is probably influenced by Japanese law.
Without that law, it might be possible to love and sincerely engage with multiple partners.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Is marriage something you enter into with someone you truly love and who truly loves you? I don’t necessarily think so.
I believe it’s built on both people compromising to the point of thinking, “I could probably marry someone like this.”
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Mac, thank you for recommending one of my past columns!
On Sundays, I always spend the whole day out with my kindergarten-aged daughter—I’m basically kicked out of the house—but my wife doesn’t allow us to eat out indoors. We usually buy Happy Meals and eat them on a park bench, but it was so cold that day that we ate inside McDonald’s instead.
“Just so you know, if this gets out, Mommy will kill me, so keep it between us, okay?” I told her. My daughter immediately scolded me: “Daddy, you have way too many secrets!” It made me nervous. Maybe she knows after all（笑）
After reading the question, I thought, “That’s absolutely true.”
I don’t want to be alone when I die, so in the end, family really is the most important thing.
That said, let me add one thing: the real problem is when people can’t follow the rules. Follow the rules and never cause trouble—absolutely none for your family or your work. Always. In return, you have to discipline yourself, endure more than other people, and put up with feeling lonely. There are people who are desperately trying to live while being considerate of everyone around them.
I’m not saying I’m one of those people（笑）
But don’t you think someone like that deserves just a tiny bit—just a little bit—of comfort?
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I’m Fullerene, a male member!
I’m guessing you’re a woman. Like you, I was in the position of the child. Of course, I noticed what was going on.
My mother was the one who messed up, so perhaps the same could be said if it had been the parent of the opposite sex.
...I got the feeling that you really loved your parents.
In the end, my parents divorced after a while, but as their child, I still had to fulfill my responsibilities.
Even now, I see my mother behind my father’s back.
Well, I guess that’s just how people are. I probably have those genes in me too. And maybe it’s precisely because humans carry genes like that that our species has prospered this far.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
You can’t know what a marriage is really like or what circumstances lie behind it from the outside, and it’s not something people casually talk about. Only the people involved know what lies behind their smiles.
That said, I understand how you feel. So I won’t deny your feelings or try to defend myself. But it’s not right to force your opinions on others. If that’s what you believe, then you should simply act accordingly.
It’s best when parents get along. The place to direct your anger isn’t here—it’s toward your parents.
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This is Jasmine.
Are you a married woman who isn’t a member?
Or perhaps a young woman who still wants to pursue her ideals?
Every marriage is different. Some sexless couples agree that the husband should satisfy his sexual needs elsewhere.
Others get along well but no longer see each other as romantic partners.
Still, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to know, so I keep my activities discreet.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Aren’t you misunderstanding something? Where does it say that you’re only allowed to love one person?
I love every woman I’m seeing. Everyone expresses love differently, and no one has any right to interfere in that.
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I’m in Seattle.
It’s fine as long as you keep it well hidden. No one ever found out until I got divorced.
Being meticulous about keeping it hidden is just good manners.
I’m single now, so I’m completely open about it.
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