The other day, I had dinner in a private room with my papa (a male supporter), whom I’ve been seeing regularly. The seating was an L-shaped sofa. There was plenty of room, and since it was a private room, I actually wanted to sit close beside him, but I held back because the servers would be coming in and I didn’t want him to find it uncomfortable. (We’re also both right-handed, so I thought it might make eating a little awkward.)
Even in seating like this, would he still dislike being close in public?
With this person, we sometimes hold hands when getting out of a taxi and walking to the room, or in places where no one else is around, but we don’t sit close together inside the taxi. Personality-wise, I don’t think he would refuse if I moved next to him, but I wonder if he might still feel uncomfortable without saying so.
He’s a busy person, so sometimes we part after just having dinner, like we did this time. If we have another opportunity to sit somewhere like that, would it be okay for me to try? I feel a little embarrassed asking such a trivial question, but I’d appreciate your advice (*´-`).
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Assuming you two are in an ongoing arrangement, I don’t think he’d mind you getting close to him. As for other people seeing you, it would only be the restaurant staff—and he probably already knows that you like being affectionate.
If I were in his position, I probably would’ve teased you right then and there. Doing something a little embarrassing while never knowing when a server might come in can be thrilling... If you knew whether he was into that sort of thing, it might open up even more ways for you to enjoy yourselves.
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I’m Gaku, and I’m the type who’s happy when a woman I’m into gets physically close to me first.
Making the first move as a man can be difficult, so when a woman comes closer, I can think, “Ah, she’s comfortable keeping a smaller personal space around me,” which makes communication feel easier.
With a dating club, you’re making offers to women you’re attracted to, so I assumed everyone felt the same way. But I guess that’s not necessarily the case.
That was a new discovery for me.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
Thank you for your question.
I think there’s a movie scene where a man and woman intertwine their feet under the table, but I don’t think people get to that point unless they’ve become fairly close.
There’s also a theory that sitting at an L-shaped angle is best in restaurants and similar settings, so unless the other person invites you to sit next to them, I think it’s better to leave things as they are.
If he’s the kind of man who likes physical closeness, he’ll keep moving closer without you having to say anything.
If you’d like to get closer, you could ask him at a hotel or somewhere similar, “I’d like to cuddle next time we go out—is that okay?” or “How far would you be comfortable going?”
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member who isn’t comfortable with loud voices or overly macho types.
That’s why I prefer having conversations at close range—sitting side by side at the counter, either right next to each other or within easy talking distance.
We can enjoy the atmosphere, have intimate conversations without anyone nearby overhearing, and so on…
For the first few months after meeting, we were often inseparable and made a point of communicating openly. But after about six months, we settled into a comfortable distance—no need to be overly considerate, just a natural sense of calm.
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I’m in Seattle.
The papa (male supporter) dating you is a lucky man.
I’m single, so I’d be happy if you got a little affectionate with me. I don’t have the courage to make the first move.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t like getting touchy-feely, even in a private room at a restaurant. And of course, I don’t like holding hands while walking from the taxi to the room either.
I do care about being seen, but more than that, I simply have no desire for that kind of physical affection, so I feel awkward when a woman gets clingy. The only time I don’t mind it is probably during pillow talk.
The only time I actively want to cuddle is when we’re sleeping together in bed. I like having a woman hold me like a body pillow while I sleep.
Rather than suddenly making a move and seeing how she reacts, I think it’s better to ask by giving examples, such as, “I like being affectionate, but how much physical contact would you be comfortable with, ○○?” One woman noticed that I didn’t seem to like getting touchy-feely and asked me something like that.
It’s an interesting question, since different men would probably have different opinions.
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