I always enjoy reading everyone’s answers. I’m a woman who has been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for four years.
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I often see questions about “how to prioritize multiple papas,” and I’ve been having a bit of trouble with this myself lately, so I wanted to ask for your advice.
I mainly have two papas.
A: We met four years ago, and he transfers around ¥150,000 to me in cash each month.
Until now, we’ve met two to four times a month at hotels.
Because he has a small child and a wife who is very strict about cheating, we can only meet briefly in private.
B: We met two years ago, and he transfers around ¥300,000 to me in cash each month.
We spend about ten days together every month, relaxing on trips or enjoying dinners at hotels.
Starting next month, he will also be renting me an apartment with a monthly rent of ¥140,000.
His wife is quite hands-off, and his children are adults, so we can meet even on weekends without worrying about what other people think.
Compared with A, who has been working from home during the COVID-19 pandemic and has found it increasingly difficult to meet his mistress because of his wife’s watchful eye, B has more freedom because he is an owner-president of his company.
As a result, I’ve been spending more and more time with B recently.
I genuinely feel comfortable with both of them in different ways, and I want to value them both. However, given the difference in the amounts I receive and the increasing trend, I inevitably end up prioritizing B.
You could call me materialistic, but B, for example, rents me a spacious apartment near a station because he cares about my health, and gives me taxi vouchers. I can feel that he enjoys spending money to take good care of me, and that makes me happy...
Recently, A has started making little comments that sound like complaints, such as, “You must be busy with work—keep it up,” or “We haven’t really been able to see each other lately.”
Given the situation, what should I say in response to A?
For example, if I simply reply with a short message like, “Yeah, I’ll keep working hard,” will he think I’m a cold-hearted woman?
I know everyone is busy, but I would really appreciate hearing your opinions.
Maezawa from the CEO’s office will answer this one as well.
Thank you for your question.
As for the arrangements so far:
A sees you 2–4 times a month, so assuming an average of three meetings, that works out to 50,000 yen per meeting.
B gives you 300,000 yen a month for 10 meetings, which comes to 30,000 yen per meeting.
So A is currently giving you more per meeting.
You mentioned that B plans to cover your rent going forward. If he pays your rent, the arrangement could potentially become 20 meetings a month. In that case, 300,000 yen plus 140,000 yen would be 440,000 yen for 20 meetings, or 22,000 yen per meeting.
Looking at the allowance per meeting, A is still offering more.
That being said, I think you should treat both of them equally. If you’re judging solely by the allowance per meeting, it would make sense to prioritize A.
However, men may also find someone they like better and end things without warning, so basically, it’s best to value both relationships.
> What should I say in response to A in this situation?
You could send something along the lines of:
“I’d like to see you more too, A, so I’ll keep working hard. When can we meet next?”
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It’s Joe.
I agree with Seattle. Keep your LINE messages to just a couple of words, and have about five different variations. Then, send a flirty message maybe once every ten messages—that should be perfect.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Maybe something like, “Sorry I couldn’t meet you. I’ll reduce your allowance accordingly, so ○ this month should be fine.”
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I’m Gaku, a male member.
If you look at it in terms of hourly pay, A is actually the better deal: she receives ¥150,000 a month, meets a few times monthly, and the meetings are short.
B, on the other hand, brings in more overall, but since it involves around 10 days a month, plus trips and overnight stays, the hourly rate is lower.
Even so, I feel more inclined to prioritize B. In other words, that’s about how much A means to me.
You need to weigh the ¥150,000 a month against the stress of being constantly criticized. If you feel it’s worth the effort, try responding to her a little more kindly. If it feels like too much trouble, it may be time to cut things off.
After four years, even married couples and regular partners often start to feel stuck in a rut, so I think this is probably the stage where you begin wondering what to do next.
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I’m Meg, one of the female members.
Oh wow!
I read your concerns as a seasoned member with great interest.
Your worries are on such a different level from mine that I’m almost jealous.
First of all, it’s wonderful that you’ve managed to maintain such long-term relationships with each of your papas (male supporters). It really shows how appealing you must be.
By the way, what’s your secret?
I’m still learning myself, so I’d love for you to teach me.
As for A, I’m sure you’ll be able to give them a far more thoughtful reply than I could.
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I’m in Seattle.
I think that priority is just fine.
A, don’t send only a single word—make an effort to come up with a sentence or two and send it.
¥150,000 is equivalent to 150 hours of part-time wages. You’ve got this.
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