I’m a male member. I’ve seen many posts in this Q&A box saying that women often find it difficult to say no, and I’m reflecting on whether my own behavior may have put her in that position.
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During an online date with a 30-year-old Type C woman, we discussed the allowance for an adult relationship and then met in person. After dinner, I asked her if the terms we had discussed were okay. She started saying that she didn’t have much time. The hotel was very close—just a one-minute walk—and after I told her it would be within two hours, she seemed to accept that, so we left the restaurant and went to the hotel. We had an adult relationship and parted ways after about an hour.
I had really liked her, so I messaged her on LINE saying I’d like to see her again, but I got no response and it seems she blocked me without even saying goodbye. She was extremely polite, and she had also apologized at the hotel for not having much time, so I was quite shocked. I’m reflecting on whether I may have responded in a way that pressured her. We had agreed on the allowance—both hands—but now I’m wondering if she changed her mind after seeing me in person. Even though it was her day off, she repeatedly said she didn’t have much time because she had preparations for work to do.
My question is: when you meet a Type C woman, how do you invite her to continue the date? Even though we had agreed beforehand and met on that basis, should I have offered an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy), or otherwise created an atmosphere where she would have found it easier to say no?
I keep thinking about Mac-san’s frequent advice to “take a good look in the mirror,” and I’m troubled.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Once she says, “I don’t have much time,” things are already looking iffy—so why push her to go to a hotel? lol
At that point, just say, “Okay, let’s skip it today. ^^”
You’re probably paying a generous allowance, but in that situation, I think the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to respond that way.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
This question and everyone’s answers are great（笑）
The woman may indeed have pushed herself a little out of consideration for the man, while he probably liked her and was hoping for a second date.
Thinking about it carefully, this woman is actually quite impressive. I can see why the man said, “I’d definitely love to see you again!”
That said, I also think the man was probably just one step short. If a woman is completely uninterested, she generally won’t continue seeing him.
We’re all competing to find “good women and good men” at the dating club（笑）, each pursuing our own goals. As Mac-san said, I think we should look in the mirror a little more. And as Seattle-san suggested, perhaps she already had plenty of people she was seeing.
Even so, you certainly have a good eye. From both your question and the outcome of the date, I could tell that you’re looking for a woman who feels right.
Next time, polish yourself even further so you can win the competition, and give it another shot.
Best of luck!
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
Based on what you’ve told us, it is a mystery. But perhaps something happened besides the conversation itself.
For example, maybe the restaurant wasn’t very pleasant, the conversation during dinner wasn’t enjoyable, or you came across as lacking in personal grooming.
Even so, if she was willing to go to a hotel with you, you might have expected her to realize you were actually a kind person unlike what she had initially thought. But perhaps that didn’t happen, and she decided she couldn’t see you again because you turned out to be exactly as you seemed during dinner.
Then again, she may really have been short on time, or perhaps you simply weren’t compatible.
I suggest looking for someone new.
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
Since the first date is the most important initial meeting, I assume women usually set aside plenty of time—four hours to half a day, for example—without making many plans afterward.
So if she says she doesn’t have time… I think you can only read between the lines. She must have felt it was really not going well. Even for her, that’s probably a line she would never have wanted to use during a first meeting.
You shouldn’t expect to hear from her afterward.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Based on what you’ve described, I don’t think you did anything particularly wrong. If I had to point to anything, it would be the woman saying she didn’t have much time. Perhaps she was indirectly trying to say she wanted to pass on meeting that day.
Even if you hadn’t entered into an adult relationship on the first date, I have a feeling the outcome would have been the same.
It’s true that the two of you simply weren’t meant to connect, so try to move on and look for a new opportunity.
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I’m in Seattle.
It’s unlikely that you did anything wrong.
She’s probably popular and would get worn out if she took on any more papas.
Move on to the next one.
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