I generally don’t contact men I’ve met once on my own. (If a man asks me to email him regularly or something, I will, though…)
If he doesn’t contact me saying he’d like to see me again, I take it to mean we didn’t click, but is that really how it is…?
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I’m sorry if this sounds presumptuous, but when I’ve been making a real effort to be considerate, inviting someone on a date can feel like I’m putting myself through that effort again, so there are women I find difficult to ask out.
It may just be a psychological comfort, but when a woman takes the initiative and invites me, I feel a little less pressure, which makes things easier emotionally. If she invites me, I’ll accept the date.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m a man, but I struggled with the same thing.
When a woman didn’t contact me, I assumed we simply weren’t meant to be and sometimes let things fade away without reaching out either. I suppose it was also my fault for saying, “Please contact me if you’d like to,” and then leaving it at that. So I don’t think it was necessarily because we didn’t click—it was probably just a misunderstanding or missed connection.
I’ve made my own rule now: with women I really like, I arrange the next date before we part. With women I’m not as interested in, I continue saying, “Please contact me if you’d like to,” as I always have.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Unless I really click with a woman, I don’t reach out first. However, I might discover qualities I didn’t notice the first time around, so if she invites me to meet again, I’m happy to see her.
If we don’t have good chemistry, I don’t ask for her LINE contact.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
Thank you for your question.
> I take it to mean that we didn’t click if the man doesn’t contact me to say he’d like to meet again.
Some men feel the same way—if the woman doesn’t reach out, they assume they didn’t click.
It would be a shame for things not to work out simply because you’re both being too considerate of each other, so I think it may be worth reaching out.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
It may be that neither men nor women generally reach out on their own…
Since men make offers to women they like, arrangements are probably more likely to continue when the woman is the one who contacts them saying she’d like to meet again. It also makes things easier to judge that way—you’re less likely to misunderstand the situation or get too deeply involved.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
Some men say that if a woman doesn’t suggest a second date, they assume she wasn’t feeling a connection—even if they themselves would like to see her again—and therefore don’t contact her.
From what I’ve seen in the Q&A box, this seems to be quite common.
If a man like that is matched with a woman like you and they meet, they may never make it to a second date.
The only way to know for sure is to try contacting him by email or LINE. Asking here won’t resolve it.
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