Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
First, please understand that being stood up doesn’t have any deeper meaning, and that you can’t change the other person.
No matter how many precautions you take, some women may suddenly feel like canceling at the last minute. Of course, there are also women who would never do that, but please be aware that it’s fairly common in this industry.
I actually canceled at the last minute myself the other day. Sometimes I can somehow tell where things are headed even without meeting. Then, if the other person is overly considerate—saying things like, “I’m really looking forward to tomorrow,” or “If it’s cold at the meeting place, feel free to go inside and wait”—I may start thinking, “He’s taking all these measures to prevent me from canceling. He’ll probably be even more difficult to deal with once we start seeing each other. Maybe I’ll pass.” As one of the women who sometimes cancel at the last minute, I’d like to apologize, but honestly, there’s nothing that can be done about it.
In other words, you’re more likely to be stood up when you and the other person aren’t on the same wavelength while messaging.
Dates from the second meeting onward are an important stage for finding out whether you’re genuinely compatible. Things don’t always work out through skill alone. Why not ask one of the female respondents here to review how you’ve been arranging your dates? If anything you’ve said comes across as even slightly annoying, it may help you realize that you’ve been creating reasons for her to cancel.
You want to make the most of your time because it’s limited. But if you keep offering to women who are your type, even though they’re the kind who cancel at the last minute, why not ask the club to recommend women who are consistently punctual instead?
I think it may be quicker to question your own judgment when choosing.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
After living for 50 years, I think you’ve come to understand that, when it comes to relations between men and women, whatever a man says is generally not taken at face value—unless it’s something objectively obvious to everyone. If anything, people will usually hear the woman’s side first, even when she may be lying.
And at a dating club, it’s crystal clear that the men—who have to pay—are overwhelmingly the weaker party, while the women have the advantage, since they have nothing to lose or be out of pocket.
If you don’t like that, then don’t pay money—go pursue an ordinary relationship through the usual channels.
Also:
> I feel like I’m wasting an incredible amount of time.
That might be understandable if you were in your 30s or 40s, when you’re still in the prime of your working life and time is precious. But at 50, having no time to spare is truly a waste.
I believe it’s precisely because of the composure gained through all your experience that you can remain calm and unhurried, and enjoy what may be the last—or perhaps second—period in your life when you’re especially popular. (I’m not enjoying it myself, though… I’m serious and devoted to one person.)
At the questioner’s age, I’d like you to think of it this way:
At a dating club, if a man complains to a woman, he loses.
That’s how strongly you should see it.
A dating club is like paying money to move along a set track—you should be able to move forward many times, even dozens of times, more smoothly.
At your age, I’m sure you already understand that looking for the cause within yourself is the quickest way to resolve anything.
Judging from your post, if you have no composure and seem intent on blaming the other person, it will be difficult for the woman to see your appeal. I think you should also take a calm, honest look at yourself.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
Having everything go exactly as you want certainly makes life less stressful. But I also think that because things don’t always work out, there’s an element of excitement in not knowing what will happen next.
People are people. You’ll encounter all kinds of situations.
Getting angry about it probably won’t get you much in return.
For example, you could keep indulging her and treat it as an opportunity to see how far she’ll go with canceling at the last minute. If you do that, you’ve gained time to learn more about women, so you could say you’ve used your time effectively.
In the end, I think it comes down to your perspective.
If you feel that kind of woman isn’t right for you, simply stop making plans with her and look for someone new. You may end up meeting someone even better.
