I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I bring up the allowance myself. I think it can be difficult for women to bring it up first, whether because they feel embarrassed or don’t know the going rate.
As far as I’m concerned, negotiating the allowance is a one-shot deal. If she says no, the negotiation is over. I wouldn’t enjoy an adult relationship (intimate) if we were both unhappy with the terms. I generally don’t respond to requests for more, either. That said, with women I’ve continued seeing, I’ll occasionally give them presents or some spending money separate from the allowance.
I pay on a pay-per-meeting basis. There was a similar discussion in this Q&A before, but I always pay per meeting because I feel a fixed amount would lead to complications over the number of meetings and so on.
After reading Kazu’s answer, I was appalled to learn that some guys skimp on the allowance and get intimate for free.
To avoid unnecessary trouble, you really need to settle the allowance before entering the room. Ideally, the allowance should be paid before going in.
Kazu mentioned the risks for women, but I think this is also extremely risky for men. If a woman starts crying in front of the hotel staff, saying, “I never consented” or “He forced himself on me,” it will almost certainly become a police matter. If she decides, “I’ll never forgive that guy,” it wouldn’t be surprising if she dealt with it so seriously that club activities became the least of your concerns.
One meeting’s allowance is, from a man’s annual-income perspective, a “mere” amount. I can’t help wondering whether people who skimp on that “mere” amount ever consider that doing so could put the rest of their lives at risk.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
The allowance varies from time to time. Sometimes I made the offer, and other times I asked what the woman wanted. Recently, I’ve usually been the one to propose an amount.
I prefer pay-per-meeting arrangements. With a monthly arrangement, I think there are more factors that can lead to mismatched expectations, such as how often we meet.
Since I’m the one paying the allowance, I can’t really say how satisfied the women are. But from what I’ve gathered by asking them, the response has generally been, “Not too much, not too little.” I find it petty to reduce the allowance by saying things like, “Since we didn’t do anything today, here’s a lower amount,” so I give the usual allowance even when we haven’t had an intimate relationship. In those cases, I’m sometimes told that it’s more than enough.
What exactly do you mean by asking for things? Gifts, perhaps? If, through the natural flow of conversation, I learn that she wants something but can’t afford it, I may give it to her as a gift if I feel like it. Or, if I come across something I’m sure she’d want but probably doesn’t own, I might buy it for her as a gift.
I don’t like being asked for things, so if someone asks me for a gift, it immediately pushes me toward ending things internally. I also don’t like being asked for a second round.
Reading Maezawa’s answer reminded me of something, so I’ll share it here.
Apparently, there are men who take a woman to a room without discussing the allowance or even giving her the transportation fee required by the club’s rules, then encourage her to take a shower without mentioning the allowance.
Women probably find it difficult to bring up the allowance themselves, so as Maezawa said, if no allowance is offered, one option would be to end the meeting and leave feedback such as, “The man tried to take me to a room without discussing the allowance, so I felt uneasy and ended the meeting.”
I’ve also heard of men who proceed without clearly discussing the allowance, then afterward claim, “Since she never asked for an allowance, I assumed this was just a private relationship.” In such cases, the woman may only be able to receive the ¥5,000–¥10,000 transportation fee stipulated by the club’s rules. Since it isn’t an explicit violation of the rules, the man won’t necessarily be expelled.
This actually happened, so ladies, please be very careful.
I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this as well.
Thank you for your question.
As a general rule, when a man invites you somewhere toward the end of dinner, he should also be the one to bring up the allowance.
That said, many men can’t even manage that basic courtesy. If you don’t know where you’re going, try asking. If you know the destination but he hasn’t mentioned the allowance, ask him about it.
If you can’t bring yourself to ask, another option is to simply end the date and leave, since he hasn’t told you anything. A little shock therapy can be effective.
In that case, the man may complain, so it’s probably best to send the club feedback immediately afterward, along the lines of:
“He didn’t discuss the allowance or tell me where we were going next, so I decided to leave. I felt uneasy about continuing with someone who wouldn’t explain those things.”
