What do you think about inviting someone to your home?
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Hello, I’m a woman in my 20s, C type.
We had a great time over dinner and the conversation flowed. Afterward, the man asked me, “So, what do you want to do? Want to come back to my place?”
I’ve been invited to hotels before, but this was the first time someone had invited me to his home, so I was surprised and declined, saying, “I’m not comfortable going to your home on the first day.”
He seemed very surprised and asked, “Huh? But I didn’t book a hotel today. What do you usually do?” When I told him I usually go to a love hotel or a regular city hotel, he said, “What? Isn’t that because the other men are married? I’m single, so it’s fine.”
I told him that I was understandably scared to go to the home of someone I’d just met, and eventually managed to get him to accept that. But he kept pushing the idea of going to his place, saying, “I understand that you’re scared because it’s the first time we’ve met. So how many meetings before you’ll come to my place?”
At the time, I gave a vague answer, saying maybe once we became closer and I trusted him more. But honestly, I don’t want to go to the home of anyone I meet through this site. I feel like they might eventually ask me to invite them to my home as well.
Men, do you invite women to your home once you become closer?
Also, isn’t inviting someone to your home on the first meeting a breach of etiquette? Am I overreacting?
I’d also like to hear what the women here think.
If you’re married, I’d appreciate it if you could answer hypothetically, as though you were single.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
> Isn’t inviting someone over on the first meeting a breach of etiquette? Or am I going too far?
Huh?
I thought inviting someone to his own room from the very first day was prohibited, but perhaps it was only a request rather than a rule.
Still, if a man refused even after being asked by the club, I’d personally tell him that he wasn’t suitable for the club and that we could no longer introduce women to him, then expel him in accordance with the rules. He’s required to be a gentleman, after all.
We can also immediately disable his access to the members’ page. Since we’d be acting according to the rules, he wouldn’t have any grounds to complain.
For now, please report just the facts in your post-date feedback to the club
(You can add something like, “I was scared when he invited me over.” However, be careful not to make accusations against the man or go so far as to ask the club to remove someone like him, as you may end up being treated as a complainer.)
> To be honest, I don’t want to go to the home of someone I met through the club.
That seems like a perfectly normal feeling.
With dating apps, there have apparently been cases where someone had sex at their date’s home, only to discover that they had been filmed with a hidden camera and the video was posted online.
As a general rule, I think it’s only natural not to go to someone else’s home.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’ve never invited anyone to my place, and I’ve never gone to a woman’s place either.
The golden rule for winning a battle is to fight on your own turf. In other words, going into the enemy’s territory puts you at a serious disadvantage.
If you feel even slightly uneasy, I think you should simply refuse clearly, regardless of how many times you’ve met. Any man who keeps pressuring you after that either has some kind of trap waiting at his place or understands Japanese about as well as a rock.
“I'm single, so it's fine”? What exactly is supposed to be fine about that? Couldn’t he come up with something a little better than “I don’t want to waste money on a hotel”? (lol)
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I’m Flaren, a male member!
I sometimes invite women to my place, and they come over without any problem! In fact, like the person asking this question, it’s happened from the second date onward.
(That said, I’ve only invited one woman over.)
We sometimes go to love hotels too.
Of course, for women, but also for men, letting someone know where you live means revealing exactly who you are and where you’re from, so it carries a considerable—if not outright major—social risk.
(At least, that’s how I see it. I’d never want to call a delivery escort to my home.)
So it’s not really about liking someone or the allowance. I only invite women I can mutually trust, in the sense that both of us think, “This person has too much to lose to do anything reckless.” It’s a bit like mutually assured destruction.
In that sense, someone who’s a little cautious is actually preferable. The relationship tends to be more stable that way.
That said, I do think this guy should at least book a hotel the first time.
…Incidentally, another woman has invited me to her place before too.
(It’s not like I asked her to, haha.)
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I tend to imagine the worst-case scenario first, so in this situation, I’d be thinking, “What if there’s a hidden camera in the room, and I’m secretly filmed and then blackmailed?”
I’d be absolutely terrified.
Maybe I’m the weird one for thinking this way, though.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I have valuables at home, so I don’t want to invite strangers into my house.
Maybe he just wanted to save money on a hotel...?
> Flagmaker
He said he didn’t like the idea because the woman right in front of him might have a camera too. Fair point.
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