Do women often reach out to men to ask them out on a second date or later? And do men often receive those messages?
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I set up dates with 3–4 women every month. On the first date, I exchange contact information and tell them, “Feel free to contact me whenever you’d like to see me again,” but I never ask them out myself.
If a woman contacts me, I’ll continue seeing her from the second date onward. On the other hand, if she doesn’t contact me, things end after the first date.
I figured this was a good approach because I’d only continue seeing women who actually wanted to see me again, so neither of us would be wasting our time.
However, I often receive messages from women who never contacted me at all, even after quite some time has passed since our first date, saying something like, “So you’re only going to see me once… (T_T)” They sound dissatisfied.
I always think, “If you want to see me, then contact me!”
But if men contact women too frequently, they’ll probably complain about that too. On the other hand, even if we don’t contact them at all, they still complain.
What do you think about this?
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, and I’ll answer this one too.
Thanks for your question.
> If a man messages her constantly, she’ll complain about that too.
> But if he doesn’t message her at all, she’ll complain about that as well.
Rather than seeing it as all or nothing, I think it’s best to invite every woman at least once.
If she doesn’t reply, that means she wasn’t interested. If she does reply, she was.
Also, when you meet for the second time, it might help to explain what kind of person you are—for example, “I won’t be the one inviting you from now on, so let me know if you’d like to meet.”
Some women may assume that if a man wants to see them, he’ll invite them. In that case, both sides may be thinking the same thing, neither invites the other, and it just ends there.
Even though women’s social status has improved, I think it’s still considerate to remember that they may find it difficult to make the first move.
Of course, if you want to brag, “I never invite women myself, but they just won’t leave me alone…” then feel free to keep doing what you’re doing.（笑）
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I’m Marika, a female member.
Women also find it hard to reach out when they haven’t been invited even once. We start wondering whether we simply weren’t liked.
If you’re interested in her, why not make her an offer and tell her you’d like to meet at least once afterward?
You come across as very self-centered, as if you just want to avoid ever being rejected.
Do you really mean that, even in a relationship involving money, you’re not interested in any woman who doesn’t make the first move toward you!?
Is this some kind of pseudo-popularity thing!? LOL
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> If a man messages you constantly, you’ll complain about that too.
> But if he doesn’t message you at all, you’ll complain about that as well.
That’s just how the world is（笑）
In my case, ever since we exchanged contact information, neither of us has gone a single day without sending at least one message.
I’m a lecherous old guy over 60 who was recently called “an old man,” so I was a little disappointed—but she still replies properly（笑）
We decide on dates after the second meeting by comparing our work schedules through our daily messages, though she’s usually the one who suggests the specific day.
When things are going like this, there’s no need for me to make another offer, so I’ve been a sort of inactive member for a while now.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’ve experienced the same thing, too (lol). The difference between you and me is that while waiting for an invitation, I end up giving in to my urges and contacting them first (lol).
The reason may be that not many of the women you’re approaching have a strong sense of being in a transactional relationship. If they aren’t particularly focused on the allowance, they probably won’t contact you on their own.
> “So you’ll only meet me once… (T_T)”
That’s not a complaint—it’s an invitation. Try to understand that she probably finds it difficult to say directly, “Please meet me.”
> “If men keep contacting women diligently, they’ll probably complain about that too.”
If you want to contact a woman you’re interested in but don’t want to come across that way, how about sending a light invitation once or twice a week, such as, “It’d be nice to meet up sometime soon”? You could set your own rule—for example, invite her two or three times, and if she declines, stop contacting her after that.
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I’m Kazu, a male member who’s in a similar situation.
When I get a LINE message like that, I usually reply with something like, “Sorry. I do meet the girls I message often and who ask to see me, though.”
Some women then start contacting me, but since it isn’t really their natural behavior, it can feel a little uninteresting. And after a while, the messages usually stop again anyway.
I consider all of that part of having good chemistry. It’s more enjoyable to spend time with women you click with and who genuinely want to see you. There’s no point dwelling on people you don’t really click with.
Fortunately, many women are registered with the dating club. I believe the quickest path to happiness is to meet as many as possible, find someone you click with in various ways, and build a relationship with her.
Oh, I didn’t actually answer the question. Some women do invite me to meet again after the second time, and some don’t.
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