I’d appreciate your opinions on the allowance for a trip. Sorry for the long post.
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A male member I’ve been seeing invited me on the following trip.
Trip: One night, two days
Destination: Spending the entire time inside a hotel chosen by him
Other details: Since the trip would be on a date he chooses, I’d have to take two days off work.
I looked through some past questions and learned that, when it comes to allowances for trips, some supporters add extra to the usual allowance, while others pay the same amount regardless of whether it’s for an hour, an overnight stay, or a trip.
The man I’m seeing probably falls into the latter category. He told me that, with women he saw in the past, he only paid the allowance for one room visit. (Apparently, he only went on a trip once or twice over the course of several years.)
Personally, I’d like him to add something to the allowance to make up for the fact that he wouldn’t be taking me anywhere I particularly want to visit and that I’d have to take time off work.
So I’m unsure how to bring this up with him.
Since we haven’t discussed the allowance, I’ve avoided clearly saying whether I can go or not. But now that he’s given me specific dates, I feel like I’m reaching my limit.
1. Ask whether he could add something to the usual allowance.
2. Turn down the trip for some harmless reason without bringing up the allowance.
We’ve already met nearly ten times, so if possible, I’d like to maintain our current good relationship (though perhaps I’m the only one who sees it that way).
I’d really appreciate hearing opinions from both the male and female perspectives.
I’m a male member named Basil.
I think it depends on the usual allowance and how much extra you’re hoping for.
For example, if you normally receive 100,000 yen or more each time, the man may feel that the extra for a situation like this is already included. Even if the amount isn’t especially high, if you’re asking to calculate it by the hour or by the number of days, you may come across as too pushy and simply turn him off. In that case, I suppose you’d go with “2.”
On the other hand, since you’re calling it “a little extra as a gesture,” I imagine something around half the usual allowance. If you ask in a sweet, slightly playful way rather than making a purely logical argument, I think there’s a chance he might accept it. And even if he seems hesitant, if you give up quickly and cutely, it probably won’t go as far as making him dislike you.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
First, try handling it as in “Endless ②” and see whether they take the hint. In the meantime, suggest an alternative, such as a day trip to a hot spring or a restaurant you’d like to visit.
If they still don’t get the hint, you can decide what to do when the time comes.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office will answer as well.
Thank you for your question.
That’s certainly a difficult situation. Changing someone else’s way of thinking can be quite challenging.
So in this case, I think it’s best not to force yourself and simply turn them down with a plausible excuse.
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I’m Papahikōki, a male member.
If you’ve met fewer than 10 times, I think option 2—turning him down—is the better choice.
If he brings up the allowance himself, then I think it would be better to go with option 1.
That said, the bigger issue seems to be that the trip isn’t what the woman would enjoy. Also:
> He said he had only given past women the allowance for one room visit.
Despite that, he hasn’t even discussed the allowance in this case. If he’s normally trustworthy, that’s one thing, but otherwise…
If he’s already failing to make proposals that suit what you want—or even show consideration—despite having met fewer than 10 times, I think the chances of this lasting are slim. Ending things may be the better option.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’ve answered a similar question in the past, but I approach the allowance differently depending on whether the woman wants to go on the trip or I do.
In your case, the trip is for the papa’s convenience, right? If so, since you’ll be sacrificing your time, I think you deserve reasonable compensation. So I do think you should discuss the allowance.
I understand that talking about money can be uncomfortable. If that’s the case, it may be better to make up a reasonable excuse and decline. Having to take time off work is perfectly valid, so normally, I don’t think he’d be offended if you said you’d like an allowance to make up for that time, but…
The worst thing you can do is go on an overnight trip without clarifying these matters. There’s no doubt he’ll invite you again under the same terms.
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