I have a question about contraception. The other day, a man I met said, “I’d be happy if I could go in without a condom like this, but would that be okay?”
Although I felt bad about it, I turned him down. But should I have gone along with it after all?
Fortunately, we’ve already scheduled our next meeting, so I don’t think he dislikes me.
I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
> I felt bad, but I turned him down. Should I have agreed after all?
There’s no need to feel bad about it.
If you wanted to turn him down, then of course you should have. And if you felt you were okay with it, then you could have agreed. That’s all there is to it.
What’s best really depends on the person.
If there was something about him that made you want to agree—or at least made you feel you could—and you wouldn’t have regretted it, then agreeing would have been an option too.
What matters is acting in a way you won’t regret.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
You don’t need to feel guilty about it. Unprotected sex carries major risks for women, so deciding based on your own judgment was perfectly reasonable. The man you’re asking about is at least one of the better ones, since he simply asked whether it was okay or not.
Once you allow unprotected sex even once, you should assume he’ll keep asking for it afterward. Honestly, men generally find it more pleasurable that way.
What kind of high return could possibly outweigh the serious physical risks for women, such as STIs and pregnancy? The allowance? Pleasure? Affection?
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member whose wife only cooks dinner for the kids. When I reluctantly started making my own meal, she walked past and muttered sarcastically, “Must be nice, treating yourself to a fancy meal all by yourself…”—and ruined the taste of my long-awaited solo dinner.
I think it’s best not to go without protection with anyone other than your girlfriend or boyfriend, or someone you believe isn’t seeing anyone else.
Aside from my wife, my longtime girlfriend, and the first club member I ever met, I’ve never done it without protection… (Even with a girlfriend, I use protection if she seems uneasy.) Actually, I really can’t do it without protection. (From the club women’s perspective, I’m probably someone they’d be cautious about too, so naturally, we don’t.)
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I’m a confused man in my 60s.
Since you said that because part of you wanted to turn him down, I think you did the right thing. He likely said it that way out of consideration for you, so there’s no need to worry.
I’ve had a similar experience myself, but I wanted to respect her feelings, so it didn’t feel strange at all.
A woman had told me that she’d been taking the pill continuously because of irregular periods, but I continued using protection. On our last night together before I returned to my post, we finally became one. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she said, with tears welling up slightly, “I’ve been waiting for this moment…”
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I’m Basil, a male member.
As I mentioned in my answer to a previous question, I sometimes find myself in a similar situation, so I’d be glad if you could take that into consideration.
There’s no doubt that it involves risks. That said, you joined for a reason, so please make an overall decision based on your own circumstances—whether you need to take medication, whether you currently need the allowance, whether the other person is trustworthy, whether you have an alternative, and so on.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
I’ve always felt that going without protection should only happen when the woman says, “Go without it.”
Including the whole issue of getting prior consent and everything, I don’t feel it’s something men should be asking for.
I think it’s unfair to take advantage of women who genuinely want an allowance. Personally, I also wonder whether it’s right to create more women who feel, “I’m just too tired of refusing to go without protection.”
That said, the situations where she says, “Go without it,” are scary in their own way, too ^^;
So in the end, I think using protection is best for both people.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
If you feel comfortable with it, then go ahead; if you don’t, you should decline. Since you already turned it down, that means you’re not comfortable with it, so I think it’s perfectly fine to keep declining.
Also, condoms aren’t just for contraception—they also help protect against sexually transmitted infections. You should keep that risk in mind as well.
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