I’ve received offers from younger men up to men in their 50s, but I rarely genuinely fall for anyone, even in my everyday life, so all of my relationships have been transactional—some short-term and some long-term.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Everyone has different standards for what they find off-putting. Since that’s how you feel, there’s really nothing you can do once you’ve started feeling that way. Those standards vary greatly from person to person, and the feeling can also arise suddenly. Once you start feeling that way, you can’t control it. From the outside, it may seem full of contradictions, as in your case. But once you yourself feel that way, there’s no changing it.

Maezawa from the president’s office here, answering as well. > Don’t women find it off-putting when a man uses a dating club while he and his wife are trying to have a child together? Everyone has a different threshold. If you can’t accept being with someone who is trying to have a child with his wife, then simply don’t date that person. Some people don’t want to be involved with a man just because he has a wife. Others don’t want a man who has a girlfriend, even if he isn’t married. Some don’t want a man who has neither a wife nor a girlfriend but is intimate with other women in exchange for an allowance. And some don’t want any relationship where an allowance is involved. People feel differently. That doesn’t mean it’s appropriate these days to impose your own values on others. I think it would be better if we could learn to accept that others may have views different from our own.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. If you find the person unpleasant, wouldn’t it be better for your own peace of mind to end things with him quickly? The more you dwell on that man, the worse you’ll probably feel. Since this is only your one-sided perspective, I have no idea what the man you’re seeing thinks. But one thing I can say is that your views on having children aren’t shared by everyone. I believe the idea that married couples fall in love and have children is a fantasy. People in the past often said that “children are a gift.” Far more children are conceived unexpectedly than when people deliberately set out to have one. It’s often said that women can feel pressure when trying to conceive, but men feel that pressure too. When sex comes with that kind of pressure, there simply isn’t enough mental space to put genuine feeling into it. I believe sex for conceiving and sex for pleasure are two different things. That’s probably why even married men participate in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

I’m Kazu, a male member. As Flag Maker said, trying to have a child can apparently put a fair amount of pressure on men too. His wife may be desperate, whether because of social pressure or simply because she wants a child at any cost. But the man, who’s expected to meet that desire, can also find himself suddenly pressured into fulfilling it. There was that controversial “birthing machine” comment, but in this case, the man is essentially being treated as a “fertilizing machine.” Perhaps he has lost the loving sex he once shared with his wife and is seeking that kind of intimacy with the questioner instead. I can understand why you might find it off-putting, but I can’t help feeling that the reason he told you they were trying to have a child was that he was struggling too, and wanted you to know how precious the intimacy he shares with you is to him.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. Do you assume that trying for a baby means having sex filled with love? In my case, it was different. The only time it was truly loving sex was at the very beginning. Once we couldn’t conceive, we started fertility treatments, and before long I was being blamed for having poor ○○. I even underwent a ○○ test. They took me to a room in the basement of the gynecology department and handed me some erotic magazines and DVDs that looked about five years old. I had to produce ○○. I worried about how long it took me to finish—if I was too quick, they might think, “Wow, he’s fast,” but if it took too long, they might think, “What’s he enjoying so much?” So I had to be very conscious of the timing. The days for sex were designated, too. Before long, sex became nothing more than an act of depositing ○○, and eventually it turned into an obligation. Come to think of it, right after I produced ○○, I even had my wife stand on her head. Haha. There was absolutely no loving mood to it. Incidentally, the first time I took ED medication was while we were trying to conceive. For me, trying to have a child came with a lot of pressure and a strong sense of obligation. It was also an act that required me to resolve that, once we had a child, “we wouldn’t be able to get divorced anymore.” I’m sure it differs from person to person, but I hope this gives you some perspective.