I sometimes see this come up in questions and answers: the men who want to be possessive are often the ones who make dates less enjoyable or offer a lower allowance (compared with other men).
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Why does this happen?
Is there some strange logic at work like, “Be exclusive with me! = This is closer to a real romantic relationship = She isn’t interested in money!”? (汗)
My name is Kurosaki from the Osaka branch of Universe Club.
This is just my personal opinion, but I believe that wanting to control someone usually comes from a lack of self-confidence. I think the same applies to ordinary romantic relationships.
“I'm not confident in myself” → “I'll lose if she compares me to other men” → “I don't want her seeing anyone but me” → “I have to work desperately to keep her”—
Perhaps this creates an uptight, unenjoyable atmosphere because there’s no room to relax. But I wonder what the reality is.
If you truly want to be exclusive, you need to make her enjoy herself more than anyone else and offer more support than anyone else, right?
The fact that he wants to “keep you all to himself” is proof that you’re an especially attractive woman, so in a way, I think it’s something wonderful.☆
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
There may be other reasons why you’re not enjoying your dates, but I feel that men who want to be possessive tend to offer a lower allowance as part of their strategy.
They can’t afford to pay much, so they wouldn’t stand a chance if you compared them with other men who have more money to spare. So what do they do?
They choose women who have just joined and make an offer before anyone else. They tell women who don’t yet know the going rate that they want a long-term relationship.
Of course, they know their allowance is low, so they say things like, “I’m serious about you. The allowance may be small, but I’ll treat you well” (Really? lol).
Then, before the woman finds out how much other men are willing to offer, they make an exclusive arrangement with her.
That way, they can be with her while paying less than other men would.
At least, that’s how it seems to me.
In the first place, we prohibit men from encouraging women to leave the club. However, it keeps happening because the club is too lenient, and it’s difficult to tell whether the man pressured her into it or whether she came to that conclusion on her own.
Since you didn’t go along with it and dated various people, you realized that the allowance was low. There are all kinds of men out there, so you should think carefully about what kind of partner is right for you.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> “Men who want to be possessive”
> Is there some strange equation at work here: “Have her all to myself! = This is close to a real romantic relationship = She isn’t after money!”? (汗)
If anything, I’m also the type of man who wants to limit my partner’s other relationships.
<Reasons>
① First and foremost, preventing sexually transmitted infections.
This probably isn’t much of an issue for people who always use condoms. I assume that very few people—including myself—are infected, but there may still be some who are.
Also, I believe that most people—including myself—don’t always use condoms. I don’t want the women I’m seeing to become infected, and I don’t want to become infected either.
② Keeping the relationship confidential.
As the number of partners increases, you naturally meet more people, which lowers the chances of keeping the relationship secret in all sorts of social connections. I think most people—including myself—carry on these relationships discreetly, but this is about “reducing the risk even further.”
② In my case, I also have limited funds for dating, but I simply don’t like the idea of the person I’m seeing dating several other people at the same time. (I completely understand wanting to make money through a dating club.)
Regardless of the age difference, my view is: “Let’s face each other sincerely and build a relationship within the rules of dating.” If I’m seeing only one person and something happens to me, her financial support would drop to zero, so I’m okay with up to two people.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
¥50,000 out of ¥10 million and ¥50,000 out of ¥1 million may be the same ¥50,000, but in a sense, they’re ten times different in value.
The urge to get one’s money’s worth out of it also works ten times as strongly.
I imagine that’s the case for many people.
Of course, it’s still the same ¥50,000 to the person receiving it. ^^;
I totally understand feeling that way, though（笑）
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I’m in Seattle.
They’re probably either just not very bright and unable to earn much, or inexperienced with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If it’s the latter, maybe instead of cutting him off right away, you could gently show him the ropes—he might turn into an ideal supporter.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Sorry, I don’t know what kinds of dates other men go on, so I’ll answer based on my assumptions.
They probably have the mindset of “once you’ve caught the fish, you don’t need to feed it anymore.” That’s why their dates end up being repetitive—having a meal, being intimate, and then saying goodbye.
Since they want to satisfy their own desires through these routine dates, I think they lower the allowance so they can do it more often.
I imagine you also feel uncomfortable about being controlled. I hope you find a good papa (a male supporter) who won’t try to control you.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I’m sure they say that because they lack confidence.
I think you need to create an atmosphere where people, money, and good fortune naturally come your way.
> I get the impression that your allowance is low compared with other men’s.
They must have some kind of trauma… They don’t understand the right priorities. They’ve got it backward…
“Satisfied with the money → having fun → it feels like a relationship close to true love → I want you all to myself!”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Maybe it’s because men like that are self-centered.
Self-centered → want to control you
Self-centered → one-sided conversations → dates aren’t enjoyable
Self-centered → stingy → low allowance
Self-centered → passive in bed → sex isn’t very good
I think that’s probably what it comes down to.
Everyone is self-centered to some degree, so I suppose it’s really a matter of how much.
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