I’m having trouble with someone who asks not only about my relationships on this site, but also about my private relationships with men. He also sends me snide messages whenever he notices that I’m logged in. I’ve already told him that I have other papas (male supporters), and he agreed to that at the time.
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Should I cut ties with him?
If I do, would it be better to ignore all his messages completely, or tell him that I won’t be seeing him anymore?
Shimoda from Universe’s Osaka branch here.
As others have mentioned, are you communicating through an app?
Perhaps he initially accepted that you had other papas, but because he found you attractive, he started wanting you all to himself.
How to handle it really depends on the person and the nature of your relationship, so I don’t think there’s one definitive answer. But if you force yourself to continue, you’ll eventually reach your limit—or the situation may escalate further.
If you’re finding it hard to break things off because he’s a generous (well-paying) papa, how about coyly saying, “I’d be exclusive with you if you could increase my support a little…”?
I’m sure you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to achieve some goal or make up for something you’re lacking. If he increases your allowance enough for you to meet your monthly target on your own, then you can both achieve what you want. And if that makes him lose interest and cut things off himself, wouldn’t that be ideal?
…Though asking about your private relationships with other men is something you can’t really brush off, haha.
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I’m in Seattle.
Would I come across as a pushy guy if I edited things like the calendar schedule?
On Universe, can I make my profile invisible to just that particular man?
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m not quite sure what you mean by “logging in,” but I do ask about women’s relationships in their private lives too. My intention is to get a sense of whether there might be some issue with their personality or something else if such a beautiful, cute woman doesn’t have a boyfriend.
I’m not trying to force anyone to answer, and I think it’s perfectly fine if they choose not to.
Everyone has things they don’t want to share with others. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. If a man keeps pressing you despite that, it simply shows that he lacks consideration. You can use that as a factor when deciding whether you want to continue seeing him.
If being involved with him is causing you stress, I think you should cut things off. He seems inclined to monitor your behavior, so you should tell him that you no longer wish to continue seeing him. If he still contacts you after that, I recommend consulting the club.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
> Once he realizes that I’m logged in
Are you talking about an app?
Depending on the app, it may show the other person that you’re currently online or when you last logged in.
With Universe, the other person can’t tell whether you’re currently logged in. They can find out if you edit your messages, but there are ways to prevent that too.
> Should I cut him off?
If he accepted what you said, I think the situation has settled for now. But just to be safe, it might be a good idea to draw a firm line by saying something like:
“If you ever do the same thing again, I’ll never see you again.”
So, I think you should continue the relationship while making that boundary clear.
> If I do decide to cut him off, should I ignore all his messages, or tell him that I won’t see him anymore?
If you tell him you won’t see him anymore, he may keep contacting you to try to get back together, which could be a hassle. Even so, I think it would be better to tell him directly.
If he’s persistent about getting back together, you could try saying, “I’ll forgive you this time, but in return, buy me that ○○ bag.” That’s one tactic you can use.
If he can’t do it, he’ll probably back off. And if he does buy it for you, that’s a lucky break. (笑)
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I’m Marika, a female member.
Well, if you don’t want to meet him, it’s probably best not to. In that case, though, I think you should at least let him know that you won’t be meeting and give a brief reason.
I know it’s a hassle and takes effort.
Once, during a LINE conversation, I suddenly got the ick from the other person and blocked him. After that, he acted a little like a stalker, which really scared me.
From his perspective, I had suddenly blocked him without any explanation.
Things like that can happen, so be careful when ending things.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I also ask about relationships outside the site—or rather, outside the club. I’m curious about the kind of sex other men have, and I’m also interested in what kind of experiences the woman in front of me has had and what she enjoys. If she tells me she had sex with a friend with benefits a few days ago, I’ll ask where they met and what she likes about him, and enjoy hearing the story. One of the really interesting things about the club is being able to hear women talk so candidly about their masturbation and sex lives. Hmm… I wonder if I was getting on their nerves.
That papa (a male supporter), however, seems to be asking about your relationships with men for reasons different from mine.
It seems women generally cut off anyone they find unpleasant when the timing is right—like when they find a papa who isn’t too much trouble.
The best way to end things probably depends on the type of man. As a man myself, I’m not really sure, so I’ll leave that answer to the women.
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