Hello, I’m a female questioner. I always enjoy reading everyone’s posts and learning from them.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here. > I understand that it was also my mistake not to say anything, since I assumed using protection was a given. You did nothing wrong. The man is simply trying every tactic he can think of because he wants to do it without protection. In other words, when he says, “You never said at the beginning that protection was one of the terms, did you?” he doesn’t genuinely believe that. He knows people normally don’t bring that up at the start, and he’s deliberately taking advantage of it. (笑) That makes the woman feel that, since she was partly at fault, she has to agree. Once she starts feeling guilty, she may give in—and that’s simply a tactic for achieving his goal of doing it without protection. Men are often older and more experienced in life, so perhaps these kinds of negotiation tactics naturally exist. But they’re still tactics, so be careful not to fall into the trap. > It doesn’t seem to be simply because it feels better without protection. When you get down to it, that is the reason. (笑) As things decline with age, he may lose his firmness quickly without direct stimulation. Medication might help avoid that, but his fundamental desire is still to do it without protection, so that argument probably won’t get through to him. > If someone you want to continue seeing insists on going without protection because he loses firmness when he uses it and can’t proceed, but you’re unable to accept that, what would you do? The protection provided at hotels is usually chosen with cost in mind, so it isn’t particularly thin. (笑) Since men want to go without protection, many have never experienced thin varieties. So you could let him try one. (笑) Buy some 0.02 mm protection from a pharmacy or online—preferably from a well-known brand—and bring it with you. The 0.01 mm type doesn’t seem to have a very good reputation for some reason, so I recommend 0.02 mm. You could try saying something like: “Last time, you said we should use protection next time. I heard that the hotel kind can make it difficult to stay firm, so I was embarrassed, but I bought a thinner one. Would you try this today?” The man may psychologically lose firmness simply from putting it on, so you’ll need to prepare as well—help him regain firmness orally so you can proceed right away. If you proceed immediately after that, the effectiveness of the 0.02 mm type may keep him from losing firmness. (笑) At first, it’s a kind of rehabilitation for him, so you may need to proceed quickly. Once he learns that he can finish while using protection, his brain will remember it, and he may stop losing firmness even with the usual approach. At that point, you could also bring up medication, and he might be willing to consider it. That said, ultimately, he may simply be looking for a woman who is willing to go without protection. If you feel you can’t accept it, you’ll have to end things. If you think agreeing would offer greater benefits despite your reservations, then you may decide to go along with it. Even if you do agree, I think it’s reasonable to set your own terms, such as asking him to get tested every month since you’ll be tested as well. Asking him to cover the testing cost separately might put him off, so it may be better to discuss it separately and ask for a higher allowance instead.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. That’s a typical excuse from men who want to have sex without a condom. Saying that condoms make them lose their erection or that it feels better without one is just selfish on the man’s part. Whether he can climax with or without a condom is not your concern. I think your response is already admirable if you’re willing to give such a man oral sex. If you truly don’t want to, tell him clearly and stand your ground. That’s how high-risk this is for a woman. You may have no choice but to press him with questions like: “How will you take responsibility if I contract an illness?” “How will you take responsibility if I get pregnant?” “Even if you take responsibility, it wouldn’t just be medical expenses—I’d be the one who gets hurt, too. Will you take responsibility for that as well?” “Even if you say I can take medication, I’d be taking medication I don’t need, and we don’t know what could happen. Will you take full responsibility if something goes wrong?” A man who still doesn’t understand after hearing all that is treating you as someone he can expose to serious risks. If it’s your first time meeting him, it’s best to make it clear while discussing the terms: “Will you definitely wear a condom? If you don’t, I’ll leave immediately.”

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. This comes up regularly—the “performance problem,” haha. I’ve started thinking that I could make a profit by buying ED medication in bulk and handing it out to women doing papa-katsu. That’d be illegal, though, lol. Even I sometimes take about half a tablet of ED medication with a satisfying crunch before a date when I’m feeling unsure about my condition. I’m not sure what to call that crunching sensation, but it makes me feel like Jack Hammer, the “doping warrior” from the popular martial arts manga Baki—an existence that has surpassed steroids. I’m still only in my thirties, so maybe ED medication is a little premature, haha.

I’m Meg, a female member. This is just speculation, but… I get the feeling you’re not really enjoying sex with your partners. It also seems like you’re only providing oral service because you feel you have to. No wonder you’re becoming dissatisfied. Since you seem to be receiving plenty of offers, it would probably be better for your mental well-being to only be intimate with someone you genuinely feel comfortable with. Personally, I’d choose option 1.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. Before going without a condom! If you’re going to be intimate—especially if you’re seeing multiple partners—I recommend taking thorough precautions against sexually transmitted infections. I assume that most men who belong to dating clubs aren’t infected with an STI, but every now and then, posts do appear in this Q&A forum from people who have contracted one. If you’re seeing multiple partners, it’s especially important, since you could unknowingly infect several people at once. It’s not a perfect safeguard, but ideally, I think you should start seeing each other only after exchanging Partners Check results. Now, regarding going without a condom: Considering the risks of STIs and an unwanted pregnancy, I think manual stimulation is the safest option. It would also be a good idea to state something in your profile like, “Please don’t send me an offer if you don’t use condoms.” That said, I figured you must be quite attractive to be receiving so many offers. Even without any offers, you’d still have worries—and with offers, you just end up with a different set of worries. It’s tough being beautiful, isn’t it?（笑）

I’m Kazu, a male member who has recently been seeing the same woman regularly, but things didn’t work out twice in a row. The first time, I lost my erection after putting on a condom. The second time, I lost it after penetration. Even so, I would never ask a woman to do it without a condom, because of the risk of sexually transmitted infections. I get tested regularly, but I can’t rule out the possibility that I contracted something after my last test, and the same applies to women. As I’ve mentioned before, I once dated a woman when I was younger who had an STI without realizing it herself, so I’m scared of that happening again. Using a condom is a given. The questioner’s understanding is correct, and I’m honestly shocked by options ② and ③. Losing your erection is ultimately the man’s own issue, so I think he has to deal with it himself. In my case, I think men should take measures such as: 1. Taking ED medication or trying ICI therapy 2. Asking for oral sex if they lose their erection 3. Accepting that ejaculation isn’t the only pleasure sex has to offer That’s what I do. With option 2, it depends on whether the woman is comfortable with it, so I’d have to give up on seeing someone who dislikes giving blowjobs—but that’s just how it is. That said, if both people are comfortable with it, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with couples having sex without condoms. If the questioner is satisfied with option ② or ③, then I suppose that’s fine too. Just keep in mind that there’s still no cure that completely eradicates HIV.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. > I completely lose my erection the moment I put on a condom, to the point where I can’t even manage penetration. I understand that feeling all too well. Even now, condoms provided at love hotels make me feel anxious first… It’s like losing without even entering the match—my desire completely disappears. By the way, how satisfied are you, personally? My solution has been to get a woman with whom I have good physical chemistry extremely aroused, and to build up the excitement together as I watch her enjoy herself. That gets me fully aroused, and we reach climax together even when she can barely manage to caress me. These days, the only way I can successfully manage penetration is as the final step after that. When there’s no sense of unity, I end up going limp just as you described in your question. As for my answer, I’d say option ①, and I also recommend ED medication. You may be able to resolve this more quickly by working together to find ways to bring your excitement to its peak. Unless the woman is genuinely aroused, it’s probably difficult for a man to get aroused and overcome the problem either. Also, at your age, if the woman is satisfied, the encounter may still feel fulfilling even if you don’t achieve your own satisfaction. That may be worth considering as well. As for: > Even if I break up with her, I’m worried the next woman will be the same. I don’t think everyone will be like that. The first two, three, or four encounters are crucial, so with someone new, you may be able to make better use of what you’ve learned from your past experiences. Starting fresh with a new person may also make it easier for you to approach things with a renewed mindset.

I’m Seattle, a male member. A vasectomy would be the best option, but I imagine it’s not easy for married men to get one since they need their spouse’s consent. Since there’s still a risk of pregnancy, taking the pill may be the only option. Regular STI testing for both partners would also be important. You’ll have to negotiate an additional amount that you both feel is reasonable for the costs and risks involved. A man who can’t cover that doesn’t qualify.